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06-03-2018, 12:12 AM | #1861 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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it's disappointing to hear all the vaguely condescending terminology of "cleaning up the mess" and "being unselfish is what 'saved' me" coming from you, after years and years of preaching, rationalizing and asserting the validity & value of alt lifestyles and an open mind
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06-03-2018, 12:47 AM | #1862 | |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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Quote:
it enables me to turn off feelings of anxiety and depression, and it's effective at that, but it's not without a price and the residue always builds up and snowballs. it anaesthetizes and makes me become unhinged. i recognize signs of addiction in myself, breaking promises i make to myself, tolerance increasing, it interfering with other areas of life; developing dependency. smoking that bowl a little too eagerly when under stress. that's one of those things Sopranos pinned down really well: how Chris spirals into heroin addiction, first as a weekend release, then a hobby, then a way of dealing, then a crutch. i'm still open to the idea of using it recreationally, sometimes, but i cannot allow to medicate myself with it like i have been, as that always gradually becomes unhealthy at one point or another. i don't want it to control me, i don't want to be numb. i want to have a clear mind and to be able to just enjoy it from a time to time without exploiting it. use it only because i want to, not because i need to. and to be perfectly honest, based on past experience, i don't know if that is something i can do. they say 10% of the population is at risk to develop addiction to pot; i think i'm squarely in those 10%. you'd see why i'm reluctant to make any big promises right now, but i'd like to think that i will not pick it up again before i make a clear decision of what frequency of use i'd be willing to put up with and find acceptable and reasonable. then i will be able to know immediately and in certain terms that if i step outside those boundaries, i'm in the red again. |
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06-03-2018, 11:32 AM | #1863 | |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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Quote:
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06-03-2018, 12:02 PM | #1864 |
Minion of Satan
Location: the institute
Posts: 6,421
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i don't understand the disappointment or where the condescension lies...
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06-03-2018, 12:24 PM | #1865 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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fwiw i'm not trying to knock anybody or change anybody and never have. i'm just expressing what has happened to me. and it's been a god damn lot.
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06-03-2018, 06:32 PM | #1866 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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06-04-2018, 01:16 AM | #1867 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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yeah i don't really know what that was about ilp, i'm kinda generally irritated and under a bit of stress these days. fuggedaboudit. sorry
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06-04-2018, 05:32 AM | #1868 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,903
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STOP STRESSING! QUICK!!!
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06-04-2018, 08:26 AM | #1869 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: František! How's the foot of your turtle?
Posts: 32,743
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AAAAAAAAAAAARGHL
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06-04-2018, 11:22 AM | #1870 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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06-04-2018, 12:15 PM | #1871 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,218
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BALKAN BLAZIN
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06-10-2018, 04:31 PM | #1872 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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I had a beer last night. Just one. Nothing all week, nothing Friday night, nothing today. One beer, one week.
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06-10-2018, 04:35 PM | #1873 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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live it up, gaming flobes!
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06-10-2018, 04:47 PM | #1874 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,903
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06-10-2018, 05:29 PM | #1875 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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i only drink clear planets
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06-10-2018, 06:20 PM | #1876 |
Socialphobic
Location: Away
Posts: 11,398
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Healthy pee is supposed to be clear not yellow.
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06-10-2018, 06:23 PM | #1877 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,876
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The only way to develop the stomach for alcoholism is through regular exposure and dedicated practice. With time, you too will be able to drink amounts of liquor detrimental to your mental health and relationships without experiencing nausea or vomiting.
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06-10-2018, 06:45 PM | #1878 |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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I'm low-key trying to see if I can just cut alcohol out entirely. As chronicled earlier, I've evolved into a pretty light drinker, but I'd like to eliminate the spare tire and make better use of my free time/weekends. Seems a good place to start.
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06-10-2018, 09:18 PM | #1879 |
dumb
Location: $8.6 million embezzled funds
Posts: 11,368
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When I was too young to buy alcohol I tried this thing called Kava, which is meant to be some sort of mystical island anxiolytic, but it actually does nothing and tastes like eating mud
It was so fucking gross for so little effect that alcohol seemed amazing in comparison: better taste, more euphoria |
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06-11-2018, 01:55 AM | #1880 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,876
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I guess I tried coke for the first time the other night. It's okay.
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06-11-2018, 05:15 AM | #1881 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,218
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i'm all out of bud
i'm so lost without bud i'm know i was right smoking dat bong |
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06-11-2018, 05:16 AM | #1882 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,218
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06-11-2018, 11:30 AM | #1883 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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well it all starts with a good mentality so i have confidence you got this!
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06-11-2018, 11:32 AM | #1884 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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06-11-2018, 01:49 PM | #1885 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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06-11-2018, 01:51 PM | #1886 |
Socialphobic
Location: Away
Posts: 11,398
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Fanta is better
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06-11-2018, 03:36 PM | #1887 |
Just Hook it to My Veins!
Location: N3t4Euh Haus
Posts: 32,753
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this weekend I went to alum weekend at my college. I avoided everyone, took acid, and lost my mind for two days. I ran through the woods, snuck into my old dorm and the academic buildings, swam in the river, sat outside in the pouring rain, watched stars and fireflies, and possibly traversed up to 5 or 6 dimensions of space-time. I have slept about 4 hours in the last 2 days, my feet have never been more sore and I am covered in mysterious bruises and abrasions. I also got a few ticks, a serious sunburn, and still haven't felt like eating. yolo?
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06-11-2018, 04:54 PM | #1888 | |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Quote:
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06-11-2018, 04:56 PM | #1889 | |
Socialphobic
Location: I’ve been trying to move to the Nordic countries for 5 years but the cost is astronomical to become an expatriate
Posts: 14,679
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Quote:
Alcohol hasn't (thankfully) caused me any problems, but it's not really helping me move forward in life, either. |
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06-11-2018, 07:26 PM | #1890 |
Braindead
Posts: 18,608
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This shit was clean....bc I've had bad trips in the past...but these trips were so enlightening...I transcended. I just wish I could remember what exactly I realized about the universe at that particular moment....now it's long gone. All I remember during my trip was that it was CONSTANT deja vu....really constant....my sister and friends, we were doing the same things saying the same things....everything happened over and over. I think that tripping some how made my consciousness to transcend which enabled me to witness multiple parallel universes. That's the only explanation I can think of.
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