The Official Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon/Tue drunk/drugs/sad sex thread

[ovary]

"all marriages are the same" and "all marriages are different" are not mutually exclusive statements

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

those are common elements of any long-term relationship. shocker!

True, yeah, why would there be a difference between a lifelong marriage-like relationship and a lifelong marriage.

“long term”, I mean how long is long term? I was with a guy for four years and we never compromised on anything or sacrificed anything for each other. Which is probably why it didn’t work. I suppose...we weren’t monogamous either.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by ovary

"all marriages are the same" and "all marriages are different" are not mutually exclusive statements

Yeah I guess that holds for most other things “all cats are the same” and “all cats are different” also not mutually exclusive. “All houses are the same” and “all houses are different”

[Disco King]

All marriages will be the same when we all enter in mass polygamist matrimony.

Which is the future liberals want.

[Elphenor]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

People that are married to the music are the most committed

ha gheyyy

[yo soy el mejor]

ha adolescenttt

[yo soy el mejor]

But I think it's best just to realize that the only sane reaction to this world is sadness.

And to just have fun and appreciate the beauty of this dark place.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Elphenor]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Elphenor]

it's true but it could be expressed with better prose

[cork_soaker]

Originally Posted by Elphenor

it's true but it could be expressed with better prose

throw out your cares
.....and fly

[topleybird]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Yeah I guess that holds for most other things “all cats are the same” and “all cats are different” also not mutually exclusive. “All houses are the same” and “all houses are different”

I've been thinking about this a lot over the past two days and I think you can also say this about both koalas and peanut allergies

[Disco King]

In that we should use gene therapy to eliminate both from this earth?

[FoolofaTook]

Dude, koalas are hella cute.

[vixnix]

Many people who are fans of the koala’s cuteness fall victim to the drop bear. Obviously too hard for an uneducated eye to work out what they’re dealing with until it’s too late. So general advice is to keep well away from both.

[ilikeplanets]

You couldn't pay me to live in Australia with all those critters

[ilikeplanets]

The fake ones are actually more tame than the real ones

[reprise85]

Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal; additionally, their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognize it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behavior to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life.

Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end.

Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals.

Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.

Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.

Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.

[smashingjj]

[ilikeplanets]

Most satisfying thing I've read all week

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by reprise85

Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.

this is HEAVY

[FoolofaTook]

[toase]

.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

You couldn't pay me to live in Australia with all those critters

It’s no picnic!

But I did once meet someone from the U.S. who said she moved her family to Australia because she wanted to stop worrying about school shootings. That is no picnic either

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by cork_soaker

throw out your cares
.....and fly

nice better prose, man.

[ovary]

i stopped drinking a week ago. half the time i'm like it feels good not to be drunk, and half the time i'm like ugh life sucks without being drunk. can't smoke weed either 'cause i'm waiting to hear about a couple jobs i interviewed for. i haven't been this sober since i was like fifteen.

[run2pee]

Originally Posted by reprise85

Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal; additionally, their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognize it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behavior to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life.

Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end.

Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals.

Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.

Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.

Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.

Yeah man one time i was trying to watch a nature doc with the fam but when the mama koala started shitting into the baby koalas mouth we had to shut it off

Too nsfw plus it was confusing to the kids

[ilikeplanets]

I'd be fine with turning this into the Terrible Animals thread

[ilikeplanets]

although, it might already be :X

[redbreegull]

the weed lady got pregnant and I'm looking for a new hookup again. I fucking hate having to deal with dealers. I picked up from a new person recently and went in for a lot cause it's been scarce, and it was all dried out and not good. I'm considering trying one of these services in DC where you buy merch and they gift you weed. for fuck's sake, I just want to get high

[ilikeplanets]

i bought some cbd the other day (it's kinda helpful kinda not?).. i am having a hard time adjusting to some aspects of the culture on the west coast, but definitely dig the general stance on bud and bud accessories. just waltzed right in and purchased, and took a glance at the flowers just for old times' sake. sorry, rbg.