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Old 03-02-2004, 11:58 AM   #61
Rockin' Cherub
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why don't you send it to bollywood?

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 12:43 PM   #62
Isle
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin' Cherub
why don't you send it to bollywood?
haha. good one

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 01:27 PM   #63
Injektilo
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Default Re: well, the man said "take it from here"

Quote:
Originally posted by Ugly

Paz explodes in a very gay looking multicoloured rainbow. Cartoon-ish stars, guitars, clouds and birds spring out of her. It looks like the flash animated intro to Zwan.com. The force of the explosion knocks Billy, James and Jimmy to the ground. Everything is drenched in a glow of neon, red, green, blues. There might be a scream of Paz mixed in there, but its so high, distorted and clipping it’s really hard to tell.

ahahaha, best part of all.

this is the best thread the SP board has ever seen.

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 01:52 PM   #64
oui henri
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Talking

Quote:
Originally posted by Hyperbole
I had to write a screenplay for a course last year, so I wrote out the true story of what happened to myself, Mirror_Untrue, an oui henri on the night of the last show, in screenplay form. my teacher said about a billion times, "wait, this whole thing is true?". now that's a movie!

but yeah. GO AWAY.
whoa! i'm famous and i didn't even know it!

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 02:00 PM   #65
Mariner
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Thumbs up Re: Re: well, the man said "take it from here"

Quote:
Originally posted by Injektilo



this is the best thread the SP board has ever seen.
Agreed!

"MELISSA
(hefting bass in air )
Well, come on. I gotta have this back at the store by 2 AM or else I lose my refund."

"The force of the explosion knocks Billy, James and Jimmy to the ground. Everything is drenched in a glow of neon, red, green, blues. There might be a scream of Paz mixed in there, but its so high, distorted and clipping it’s really hard to tell."


http://forums.netphoria.org/images/5stars.gif

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 02:12 PM   #66
Ugly
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Lightbulb

hey, look what's back.

Boycott Graceland sent me a really good idea on how to get the ball rolling for the 3rd part sometime in the summer and I kind of losely put it together the rest of the story in my head.

JC, James and Billy are stuck in a post-apocalpytic world run by the evil Paz (where everyone works as slaves in Underground Sugar Mines). At the beginning JC, Billy and James escape thier Giant Space Ant captors and Jimmy goes to enlist D'Arcy's help in Mexico. Jimmy finds D'Arcy and they begin a Yoda / Luke Skywalker relationship between them as he "trains" her. Billy and James stay behind to begin the resistance so they enlist the help of ... nah, I won't spoil it. I think it'd be funny, though.

Sadly, got no time to write it in the forseeable future, though. But I might have alot more time on my hands if some shit goes down with OPSEU workers round midnight.

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 02:51 PM   #67
Isle
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Default

Quote:
Originally posted by Ugly
Billy and James stay behind to begin the resistance so they enlist the help of...
ooh i know i know!! the frogs!!

gotta bung them in the movie for good value.

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 07:40 PM   #68
Nimrod
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I have a good ending for you, Ugly.

In the very end, James is held prisoner and only D'Arcy and Billy can save him. After a long protracted action sequence, they are able to free James and destroy Paz and the last scene is a serene hill with the smoke and dust just starting to clear.

Billy: Wow, that was a close one.

D'Arcy: Fer sure!

James: Thanks for saving me, D'arc!

D'Arcy: Oh James, you know we're all in this together.

They hug.

Billy turns completely red, an almost inhuman shade.

Billy: James? *I* saved you, ok? *I* did. D'Arcy did little more than follow me around and look somewhat pretty, although she's gone way fucking downhill, ok? You should be thanking *me* you ungrateful son of a bitch! ME! I'M THE CHOSEN ONE!

Billy then proceeds to kill James with his bare hands and when D'Arcy tries to intervene, Billy takes her out as well.

Cut forward to Billy creating a cyborg suit for himself and altering his body to be partially robotic with a time machine in the background. Billy picks up a pie, steps in time machine. Fade to black.
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Old 03-02-2004, 10:31 PM   #69
Mariner
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally posted by Nimrod


The circle of life is complete

Nicely played.

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 11:26 PM   #70
MMBKG
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This is the greatest thing in all of history.

Ugly is now my favorite person ever and deserves a Nobel Prize.

*claps*
Take a bow, my good man.

 
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Old 03-03-2004, 12:31 AM   #71
O'Doyle Rules
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can i push corgan around?

 
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Old 03-03-2004, 04:30 AM   #72
i_dont_live
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Default SP move 3

your script lead me to have a goddamn dream about a 3rd movie...


in this one, billy goes back in time again to buy stocks in Skittles, as they have skyrocketed since James' got all that spare time...

but he accidentally creates a disturbing second future in which Jimmy Chamberlin becomes the creative genius behind the pumpkins, and releases an album entirely devoted to Dr. Mario. he simply does Billys job, with Billy on drums, and Jimmy on guitar. he shaves his head and everything.

any ideas?

 
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Old 03-03-2004, 10:56 AM   #73
Cretin Soup
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Default Re: SP move 3

Quote:
Originally posted by i_dont_live


any ideas?
Just two.

Let Ugly dispense the funny.
You, go home.

 
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Old 03-03-2004, 11:27 AM   #74
Rockin' Cherub
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The circle of life is complete?

OMG, a perfect circle!!!

 
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Old 03-03-2004, 11:47 AM   #75
Isle
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Arrow Re: Re: SP move 3

Quote:
Originally posted by Cretin Soup


Just two.

Let Ugly dispense the funny.
You, go home.

 
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Old 03-03-2004, 04:51 PM   #76
the
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ok. i will read this whole thing now.

 
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Old 03-05-2004, 09:18 PM   #77
kiwi
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Thumbs up

dude.

just.

dude.

awesome.

 
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Old 03-06-2004, 05:41 AM   #78
daydreamer999
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Old 03-06-2004, 09:25 AM   #79
Isle
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i wonder what billy would think of this

 
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Old 03-06-2004, 09:44 AM   #80
Annie Dog
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Quote:
Originally posted by Isle
i wonder what billy would think of this
lol why dont you email him the script?

 
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Old 03-06-2004, 09:57 AM   #81
Isle
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Quote:
Originally posted by Annie Dog


lol why dont you email him the script?
now thats a plan.

 
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Old 03-08-2004, 05:42 AM   #82
i_dont_live
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[quote][quote] just two, let ugly dispense the funny, you go home im not trying to be funny. it was serious dream. i totally realise that Ugly here is the funniest netphorian alive. but i seriously had a dream...

so if you wanna come tell me what to think please feel free...

 
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Old 06-14-2004, 11:07 PM   #83
ProgressChrome
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Default

bb-bump
just for fun

 
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Old 06-15-2004, 05:20 AM   #84
theZEITGEIST
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This is the funniest thread ever.

heres my two cents:

We open on an external shot of Virgin Records offices.Cut to MTV offices.Sounding over this is Billy's voice-over:

"These guys have done it to me.They made me do this to them.They welcomed me with opened arms but disgarded me like....like a rotten apple.It's payback time."

(X.Y.U. sample:"And in the eyes of a jackal i say ka-boom!)

At this point, the buildings explode.Cut to Billy, smiling.Suddenly a 100 foot Courtney crashes onto the street.Billy is stunned.Kung fu film style close ups all around.Billy says his magic word,"zero" and suddenly he grows 100 feet.

Anyone care to finish this 'Zilla style scenario?I cant be arsed.
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Old 06-15-2004, 06:42 AM   #85
Isle
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Red face

Quote:
Originally posted by theZEITGEIST
This is the funniest thread ever.

heres my two cents:

We open on an external shot of Virgin Records offices.Cut to MTV offices.Sounding over this is Billy's voice-over:

"These guys have done it to me.They made me do this to them.They welcomed me with opened arms but disgarded me like....like a rotten apple.It's payback time."

(X.Y.U. sample:"And in the eyes of a jackal i say ka-boom!)

At this point, the buildings explode.Cut to Billy, smiling.Suddenly a 100 foot Courtney crashes onto the street.Billy is stunned.Kung fu film style close ups all around.Billy says his magic word,"zero" and suddenly he grows 100 feet.

Anyone care to finish this 'Zilla style scenario?I cant be arsed.
the way you wrote that made it sound super fucking cool. it goes from Fight Club style narrative to Power Rangers style battle sequence! rock d00d

 
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Old 06-17-2004, 03:04 AM   #86
i_dont_live
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holy motherfucking shit.

whichever Netphoria whore dug this thread up deserves a fucking award...

 
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Old 06-19-2004, 04:39 PM   #87
Mariner
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Default

Quote:
Originally posted by i_dont_live
holy motherfucking shit.

whichever Netphoria whore dug this thread up deserves a fucking award...
totally. it's nice to see a quality thread on the SP board for once. watch and learn kiddies.

oh, and holy fuck happy birthday, thread!

 
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Old 06-21-2004, 09:16 PM   #88
MMBKG
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mariner


totally. it's nice to see a quality thread on the SP board for once. watch and learn kiddies.

oh, and holy fuck happy birthday, thread!
Whoa! This is an old goddamn thread!

happy b-day ::caek::

 
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Old 06-26-2004, 04:23 AM   #89
Ugly
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Arrow hey look, a teaser. horray!

FADE IN

EXT – DESERT ROAD – HIGH NOON

We open on a parched dry desert highway. A tumbleweed rolls by and a lizard crawls into frame. The lizard stops in the middle of the highway and suns itself for a bit. All is quiet. Then a LOW WHINE is heard that gets rapidly higher. The lizard turns its head and it looks surprised … well as surprised as a lizard can look. And then the lizard is flatted by MOTOCYCLE TIRES.

We follow tracking along the Motorcycle tires and pan upward. Sitting on the bike is a grizzled, hard worn, JIMMY CHAMBERLIN. He’s wearing a muscle t-shirt, shorts and an ammo-bandolier across his chest with a shotgun strapped to his back. He has traffic-cop aviator sunglasses and a cigarette clenched in between his teeth. He looks rather badass.


JIMMY
(voice over)
I am on the road, with one sole purpose. They tried to kill me, but they failed. They left me for dead and put a bullet in my brain but my heart just kept on beating. And now I’m out for revenge. I’m gonna track them down one by one and when I get to where I’m goin … I am gonna KILL BILL.

TITLE CARD: EPISODE 3 – THE ROCKONING!

Jimmy is still, stoically, driving along the highway. A beat passes.

JIMMY
(voice over)
He is mine . . . uh . . . Bill? Hey, this is the right script?
(pause)
No? Well who the hell gave me this one then? . . . Geez, I’m workin with a bunch of monkeys here.

Jimmy is still driving along the highway with a determined expression on his face, not talking.

JIMMY
(voice-over, continuing)
Well where’s the right script? Are we rolling? We’re rolling? What the fuck, gimmie the damn script….
(a beat passes, we hear Jimmy take a drag off his cigarette)
That the script? Ok, great.
(clears his throat)
I am on the road, with one sole purpose. They tried to kill me, but they failed. They left me for dead and put a bullet in—JESUS TAPDANCIN CHRIST, this is the same script!!! Oh yeah, real goddamn funny.

Jimmy is still driving along the highway, but we hear some faint laughing on the voiceover track.

JIMMY
(voice-over, continuing)
Hey, stop laughing! Lets try to act like professionals here people. I’m too rich for this shit. Now gimmie the right voiceover script. … Is this written on cocktail napkin?
(Jimmy lets out a long sigh)
Ok. . . It’s been five years since the attack on Chicago. The world is changed forever. But the freedom fighters are doing our . . . uh . . .fighting back.
(muttering)
Christ, is it too late to ask for a rewrite?

Jimmy’s motorcycle pulls up to a beat-down shack. There is a passed out Mexican wearing a sombero slumped against the wall, asleep with a tequila bottle in his hand. Jimmy gets off his motorcycle and starts walking towards the passed-out Mexican.

JIMMY
(voice-over, continuing, back to normal)
And now, after a long terrible terrible winding road, I’m arriving at my destination.

Jimmy walks up to the passed-out Mexican and stands above him, looking down.

JIMMY
(voice-over)
- I will find the Chosen One who will bring Balance to the Force and save us all.

Jimmy looms above the passed out man. The pause is expectant. Then Jimmy kicks him in the shins.

JIMMY
Hey, senor, wake up!

MEXICAN
(waking up, rubbing his leg)
Ow! What your problem, man?

JIMMY
(ignoring his protest)
I’m looking for a “Senorita CH”. You know her?

MEXICAN
The senorita inside the house, man. You deliverin’?

Jimmy doesn’t answer and walks inside the door.

INT – SHACK – DAY

J.C. walks inside the run down shack. The place looks like a tornado has ripped through it. Clothes, furniture, burned out pipes are lying all over the place. No power, only sunlight coming through broken wood.

JIMMY
(looking around and calling out)
Hel-

That’s about all he gets out before a SHOTGUN BLAST blows a hole in the side of a wall right beside his head. He immediately dives for cover behind a couch.

JIMMY
Jesus Christ, the Redcoats are coming! Don’t fucking shoot me!!

WOMAN’S VOICE
(off screen)
I ain’t payin you shit! You still owe me for that last one!

JIMMY
What the hell are you babbling about, woman?

He looks above his couch just as another SHOTGUN BLAST explodes right beside his head. J.C. ducks back down and covers his hands above his head.

JIMMY
Goddamnit, stop shooting at me!

WOMAN’S VOICE
(off screen)
No more freebies, now get the fuck out of my house!

JIMMY
OK! OK! Listen to me! I’m gonna stand up, very slowly, and don’t blow my head off. Its Jimmy, ok?!

J.C. stands up. No more shotgun blasts are forthcoming. We see the shooter, holding a 12 gauge, hiding behind a bed for cover.

JIMMY
Just don’t shoot me D’Arcy!

She looks up from behind the bed. She has pasty white skin and a nose that has been honed to perfection by years of plastic surgery since ‘95. She’s wearing a cowboy and looking rather stoned. She is D’ARCY WRETZKY.

D’Arcy’s eyes focus on Jimmy and a smile creeps across her face.


D’ARCY
(slow and wasted)
Hey Jimmy . . . when did you get here?

JIMMY
That how you greet all your guests? No wonder no one hangs out with you.

D’ARCY
No, its just that I. . . uh . . .

She looks very confused, trying to remember what she was going to say through the cloudy haze of her memory.

D’ARCY
. . . uhhhhh there’s some . . . pie . . . eaten . . . uh . . . selling. . .

Her face brightens, she reaches for a crack pipe and takes a hit. Her eyes light up in excitement.

D’ARCY
Hey Jimmy! When did you get here?

JIMMY
(rolling his eyes)
Well, good to see you’re doing better. Look, I thought you were gonna kick this habit of yours.

D’ARCY
I was but Cracky told me not too.

JIMMY
Uh, “Cracky”?

D’Arcy points to an empty spot in the room.

D’ARCY
Yeah, he’s over there.

Jimmy looks in the corner, there’s nothing there except for some dust.

D’ARCY’S POV – we see who she’s talking about. CRACKY MCCRACKERSON, the flying, talking, animated crack pipe that only D’Arcy can see.


CRACKY
Smoking me brings the happy!

D’ARCY
It sure does, Mr. McCrackerson!

CRACKY
I love you!

D’ARCY
I love you more!

Jimmy just stares at D’Arcy who is, from his point of view, having an conversation with air.

JIMMY
Look, I can see you’re busy. But I’ve busted a long way to come here for you. Have you heard what happened in Chicago?

D’ARCY
Did the Cubs lose?

JIMMY
Something aside from the obvious, please.

D’ARCY
I wouldn’t know. I sold my TV, my radio and my right kidney years ago for some paint thinner to huff on.

JIMMY
Well, some very bad things happened-
(he turns to the camera and addresses the audience holding up copies of Ep. 2 – BACK TO THE METRO on DVD)
Now available in a 4 disc Special Edition Extended Version re-re-released on DVD just a month before this movie came out so we can shamelessly rip you off! Thanks for the idea, Peter Jackson!
(back to D’Arcy)
- that changed it forever. Chicago, as we know it, is now a very different place . . .

FLASHBACK – cue the DO-DO-DO sound from WAYNE’S WORLD. For the less intelligent members of the audience a title card that says “THIS IS A FLASHBACK, YOU IDIOT.” is on screen throughout.

EXT. A POST-APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND

Up with the scary music. Nuclear fire perpetually burns. Bodies and wreckage lie strewn about. Skulls litter the landscape. A bashed out sign that says “WELCOME TO CHICAGO” lies shattered on the ground, resting ontop of the corpse of a puppy. This is Hell on Earth, kids.

Then the camera pans out and we realize that the scene of post-apocalyptic destruction is actually just a painting hanging on a white wall. There is a note that’s attached to the side of the picture that says “WORK FOR US, OR THIS WILL HAPPEN!”

Pan out more and we realize we are actually inside a –


INT. WHITE BARRACKS – DAY

Everything has a cold and sterile feel to it. The beds are lined up in perfect order. We see people milling about, looking dejected and desperate. These are HUMAN SLAVES.

There is a sign on a door that says “TO UNDERGROUND SUGAR CAVES – WORK OR DIE”. The door slides open with a hiss and in walks A GIANT ANT GUARD.


GIANT ANT GUARD #1
Mine Shift Alpha move out now!!

The human slaves grab their pickaxes off the wall file out in order, looking hopeless as usual. Jimmy Chamberlin is among them.

JIMMY
Another day, No dollars.

The person walking beside him is our good Asian guitarist friend JAMES IHA.

JAMES
Do you ever wonder why we have to mine underground for sugar?

GIANT ANT GUARD #2 reaches over and zaps James with a cattle prod.

GIANT ANT GUARD #2
Silence or die, slave!

JAMES
But I’m just questioning the plausibility of mining for sugar underground when it clearly comes from--

ZAP! The Ant Guard gives James another lick from his cattle prod.

JAMES
You know that’s getting really annoy-

ZAP!

JAMES
I’ll be good.

INT. UNDERGROUND SUGAR CAVE - CATWALK

The slaves are drudging forward towards an elevator. James and Jimmy fall back in step to avoid the Ant Guard.

JAMES
Every friggin week he shocks me with that thing. You think he’d get sick of it by now.

JIMMY
Is it just me, or are we missing someone?

INT. ELEVATOR

The slaves are getting into a gigantic elevator. Jimmy and James move to the back. The gates slam close with a resounding BANG. The elevator jerks and begins to move downward.

JAMES
Yeah, uh, he left on an early shift. He said he had to take care of something.

JIMMY
(snorts in digust)
Someone forgot to send him the memo that we’re slaves. He isn’t going to get a raise for overtime, y’know.

INT. UNDERGROUND SUGAR CAVE

The elevator reaches the bottom and the group mills out. We get a good look at the sugar cave complex. Human slaves hit the walls with pickaxes to unearth the sweet sweet sugar. Ant Guards lord above them with whips, cattle prods and blasters to make them work faster. Jimmy and James move over to their prescribed spot and get to mindless work hitting the wall.

JAMES
Well, that’s not exactly why he left early. He was going to do “it” today.

Jimmy stops working and looks at James with disbelief.

JIMMY
Shut up. He’s been talking about this for years. Doesn’t he realize how much shit we’ll get in?

JAMES
Yeah, well, YOU try changing his mind. Remember when he wanted to put “Sweet Sweet” on Siamese Dream and we told him it was a crappy song? He locked himself in a closet and cried for 2 days straight.

INT – UNDERGROUND SUGARCAVE – ANOTHER SECTION

Slaves are slaving away, using pick-axes and chopping away at the walls. We see one BRITISH MAN, wearing a suit with an eyeglass, chip some sugar off the walls and knocks it into his teacup. He looks around suspiciously and takes a sip. Immediately a GIANT ANT GUARD whacks him on the back of the head with his blaster rifle.

GIANT ANT GUARD #3
Hey buddy, where did you get that sugar?!

BRITISH MAN
(smugly)
I nipped it. The second you let your guard down. And I’d do it-

The ANT GUARD gets annoyed with the guy’s rant and points his blaster riffle at the British Man and immediately vaporizes him.

BRITISH MAN
(continuing)
—ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!

The British Man disappears into a cloud of atoms. We see one black man look over in surprise. He is OUTKAST MEMBER #1

OUTKAST MEMBER #1
(indicating the GIANT ANT GUARD)
My baby don’t mess around!

OUTKAST MEMBER #2
(agreeing)
Yes, I know ‘fo sure!

The various members of musical group OUTKAST get back to work hammering away at the walls of the Sugar Cave. They start to swing away, rhythmically, like old slaves in the South picking cotton. OUTKAST MEMBER #1 leads them in their work.

OUTKAST MEMBER #1
One, two, three-

They all strike the wall at the same time with their pickaxes.

OUTKAST MEMBERS
(all)
UH!

They bring their pickaxes back to the ready position

OUTKAST MEMBER #1
One, two, three-

OUTKAST MEMBERS
(all, hitting the wall)
UH!

OUTKAST MEMBER #1
One, two, three-

OUTKAST MEMBERS
(all, hitting the wall)
UH!

One of the members of Outkast gets his pickaxe stuck in the wall. He pulls on it in frustration. It won’t budge.

OUTKAST MEMBER #2
(calling for help)
Hey ya! Hey ya!

Other members of Outkast stand around and offer helpful advice on how to dislodge his axe from the wall.

OUTKAST MEMBER #1
Shake it! Shake it! Sh-Sh-Shake it!

OUTKAST MEMBER #2
(pulling on the axe)
Uh-oh!

OUTKAST MEMBER #1
Shake it like a Polaroid picture!

POP, the axe comes out of the wall! Immediately a well of SWEET SUGAR comes pouring out of the wall like an old-style oil slick. The members of OUTKAST throw their axes away and jump around for joy. They babble and point at the flowing sugar excitedly.

OUTKAST MEMBERS
(all, indicating the sugar)
Hey ya! Hey ya! Hey ya!

OUTKAST MEMBER #2
Yes, I know fo sure!

OUTKAST MEMBERS
Hey ya! Hey ya!

We hear a LOW WHISTLE, like in an old Wile-E-Cyotee cartoon when he’s falling off a cliff. It gets louder and louder. One of the members of OutKast looks up in confusion.

POV – high and falling in fast on OUTKAST MEMBERS’ face.

OUTKAST MEMBER #1
(confused)
Hey . . . ya?

SPLAT!! All of the members of Outkast are CRUSHED UNDERNEATH A GIANT BOULDER. Dust flies up everywhere. The camera slowly CRANES UP the Mine Wall to the top of the cliff overlooking where Outkast once stood.

Standing there triumphantly, with a stick in his hand he used for leverage to knock the boulder over and crush Outkast, is BILLY CORGAN


BILLY
(yelling down)
THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR HAVING A DOUBLE-ALBUM THAT WON A GRAMMY FOR “ALBUM OF THE YEAR”, YOU FUCKERS!!!

Billy spits over the edge of the cliff in contempt. He is immediately seized by a pair of GIANT ANT GUARDS who drag him away.

-----

There's actually alot more. But I haven't worked on it in over a month. I'll try to have it finished by the end of July at least.
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Ugly is offline
Old 06-26-2004, 06:23 AM   #90
Boycott Graceland
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gorgeous.

 
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