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Old 06-23-2003, 05:25 PM   #31
Boycott Graceland
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Red face Re: ACT 4: The Echo Rings Forever On and So Forth. . .

Quote:
Originally posted by Ugly
How's this for a climax?
holy crap, man. i want to figure out a way to father your child.

 
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Old 06-23-2003, 05:50 PM   #32
Injektilo
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Thumbs up Re: Re: ACT 4: The Echo Rings Forever On and So Forth. . .

Quote:
Originally posted by Boycott Graceland


holy crap, man. i want to figure out a way to father your child.
I call second thru eigth children. I didn't think you could top you synopsis from before, but... damn!

 
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Old 06-25-2003, 01:43 PM   #33
Electro
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Default already done

sorry, but that type of story has been raped already by Kiss, in Detroit Rock City. If you would watch more vh1 like me, you would know that and wouldnt have wasted your time.

 
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Old 06-25-2003, 02:04 PM   #34
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Talking

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Old 06-25-2003, 04:18 PM   #35
Boycott Graceland
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Lightbulb

EPISODE II: BACK TO THE METRO


The film opens with shot of the still burning rubble of The Metro, even though it has been more than two weeks since the final showdown.

Enter BC & JC


Billy: I can't believe it's been more than two weeks since the final showdown.

Jimmy: (distracted by Dr. Mario on his Gameboy, remains silent)

Billy: I SAID...I CAN'T BELIEVE IT JIMMY.

Jimmy: (recoils as if about to be hit and whimpers)


A flash of light from the sky. A Delorian materializes from nothing and lands inches away from BC + JC, leaving streaks of fire behind it.

A wirey haired old man emerges from the car.



Doc: Marty! It's happened again! It's time to go back...TO THE METRO!


BC + JC quickly get in to the time machine.


Billy: Heeeere we go again!


The Delorian flies off in to the night.


Title theme plays, opening credits role.



okay, someone else take it from here.

 
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Old 08-08-2003, 10:49 PM   #36
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Arrow well, the man said "take it from here"

INT. ABANDONDED WAREHOUSE

The warehouse is completely empty and run down, save for a few beanbag chairs, a chalkboard and a few rats in cages. In walks DOC, BILLY, JIMMY and JAMES. JIMMY is still playing Dr. Mario on his Game Boy. James is idly painting his nails.

BILLY
Ok, Doc, explain to me why exactly we’ve time travelled to December 2nd, 2000?

DOC
(exasperated, as usual)
Because, Marty, the future is at stake! What happens this night in Chicago will have cataclysmic consequences for the entire world!

JIMMY
(addressing his Game Boy lovingly)
You’re Dr. Mario, I’m Dr. Love. Together we’re a funk-tacular!

BILLY
(pointedly ignoring Jimmy’s ramblings)
So why did you drag me along with these idio-
(James and Jimmy shoot Billy dirty looks. He recovers quickly)
-- with my bandmates. What do they have to do with my future?

DOC
(laughing)
Marty! Hahahah! “what they have to do with my future?” hahhah! What a silly question--
(ignoring Billy’s question he shoves BC into a beanbag chair.)
Now siddown.

Billy lets out a world-weary sigh. James and Jimmy hook up Game Boys and play Head-to-head. Doc is engrossed in drawing on the chalkboard. He draws a picture of a woman that Billy stares blankly at.

DOC
You see Marty: this woman here is the lynchpin! Paz Lenchantin!

BILLY
And this is supposed to mean something to be because . . .?

DOC
Marty, she means everything to everything!

Doc flips over the chalkboard. On the back is a timeline of Billy’s life. Several events and dates are marked on it: “Billy’s first kiss”, “Billy’s first guitar”, “Billy’s first gay experience with Joe Shanahan”, “Billy’s fifth gay experience with Joe Shanahan ”, “Billy’s sixty-seventh gay experience with Joe Shanahan”, etc. etc.

DOC
(banging on various dates on the chalkboard)
In August of 2000, your band played on the same bill with Paz Lenchantin, Mexican bassist for “A Perfect Circle”. Yourself and Lenchantin engaged with several sexual indiscretions over the course of that tour. She will be HERE tonight, December 2nd, 2000 at the Metro Chicago where your band is playing their final show. Tonight is the night where she fully sinks her claws into you! You are weak, tired, weary and depressed. This presents the perfect opportunity to infest you and begin her evil master plan! This will set of a chain-reaction of events that lead to your career and the word’s eventual downfall!!

BILLY
What do you mean?

Doc grabs a stack of CD’s and silently lays out the history of the future: documenting each step of Corgan’s downfall. He throws the CD’s at Billy’s feet:
“ZWAN – MARY STAR OF THE SEA”, (2003)
“DJALI ZWAN DVD”, (2004)
“ZWAN – SONGS FOR ROUSING BOUTS OF ANAL SEX BETWEEN GAY MEN” (2005)
“SON OF ZWAN – BARRY’S CAR MADE OF MEAT” (2008)
“ZWANARO – ITS ZWANTASTIC!!” (2010)
.

Then its the solo CDs: “ITS B0LLY!!” (2016)
“BILLY CORGAN SINGS THE BLUES” (2018)
“BILLY’S LULLABYES’ FOR BILLY JR.” (2022)

and finally
“BILLY SEZ SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BUY THIS CD CUZ I HAVE ALIMONY PAYMENTS TO MAKE” (2035)


BILLY
(reacting to the CD covers)
For the love of God, I’m wearing a halter–top and short-shorts on half of these!!

DOC
You’re lucky I skipped over the Goth-Industrial-Polka years.
(Becoming more livid as the tale goes on, gesturing wildly in the air.)
Using profit from all of your CDs Paz is able to amass an entire fortune to build an army of super-intelligent cyborgs and talking pies that are sent back in time to completely distort the timeline with that culminates with Paz becoming the ruler new post-apocalyptic world! Don’t you see? It’s her fault that Judgement Day happened! She’s the one! Paz is the key!

BILLY
Why would she do this?

DOC
Because, Marty: I don’t believe she’s human.

BILLY
Yeah, I know she’s Mexican but what does that have to do with anything?

Doc pauses for a moment to comprehend this stupid remark. He then takes off his shoe and throws it at Billy.

BILLY
Ow!

DOC
(getting back on topic.)
I’m not sure I have it all figured out but I believe that she arrived on this planet over a billion years ago. The dinosaurs dying out? That was her. The black death? Paz again. The Holocaust? September 11th? John Travolta’s career? The list goes on and on. I believe she is a SUCCUBUS – something that can assume any form she wishes. She uses it to seduce men to do her bidding. With Adam she was Eve. With Anthony she was Cleopatra. With you she’s a fugly bass player.

James sniggers at this, Billy throws the shoe at him in response.

DOC
It is up to you three to go to the Metro and replace yourselves at the final show in Chicago. Marty you must REJECT PAZ’s ADVANCES. You must shoot her down. Tell her to take a long walk off a short peer. Jimmy will be your muscle and James can . . .

Doc pauses and looks at James. James looks up at him with a puppy dog look in his expectant eyes.

DOC
(continuing)
. . . Well James can do whatever it is he does. Right! Anyway you three take the DeLorean to the Metro, replace yourselves and stop Paz before the madness begins!

BILLY
Hey wait, Doc, Doc, can’t you come with us?

DOC
I’m afraid I can’t Marty.
(he coughs)
For you see, I’m dying . . .

With that Doc falls over, face first, dead as a doornail. James pokes him with a stick just to be sure.

EXT. METRO – BACK PARKING LOT - NIGHT

The DeLorean pulls into the parking lot, Billy waving away a few security guards. They get out of the DeLorean and sneak around to the back entrance and hide behind the band member’s trailers, checking out the area.

JAMES
Back door, huh? Good idea.

JIMMY
(Not looking up from his Game Boy)
Yeah, that’s what your mom said last night too.

James steps on Jimmy’s foot. Jimmy grimaces but keeps playing Dr. Mario.

BILLY
Ok, we have to sneak inside. We can’t be just waltzing around like this, its going to cause trouble. But how are we gonna get in unrecognised . . .

Billy notices some piles of discarded garbage outside the trailers. One is a box labelled ”SOILED MAN SKIRTS” and the other is a bag of discarded hypodermic needles labelled ”JC”. A slow grin spreads across Billy’s face.

BILLY
James, are you pondering what I’m pondering?

JAMES
I think so, Billy. But I’ve decided that bestiality is wrong and Bugg has learned to accept that.

Billy’s jaw drops and looks at James stunned. The only sound is the bleeping of Jimmy getting a triple score in Dr. Mario.

EXT – METRO – BACK DOOR - NIGHT

Standing guard at the back door is a big black security guard named EARL. He is letting people in checking names off on a clipboard as he does. In the distance a towering black figure is unsteadily shambling towards him.

We get a better look at a gigantic figure draped in a few soiled black MACHINA outfits that are pinned together with discarded hypodermic needles. A closer look would reveal that the figure is clearly compromised of three people ridding piggyback ontop of each other since James’ elbow is sticking out of the side. The “head” is Billy who is wearing an orange foam cowboy hat and a fake moustache to disguise himself. He sways back and forth, trying to keep his balance on top of Jimmy and James.


JAMES
(muffled and obscured underneath the outfit)
Jimmy your head is crushing my balls.

JIMMY
(also muffled and obscured underneath the outfit)
Yeah well, your heel is digging into my eye. Deal.

JAMES
Well do me a favour and shift your weight since you’re carrying—Jimmy, ARE YOU PLAYING DR. MARIO UNDER THERE?!

JIMMY
Maybe.

BILLY
(whispering fiercely)
Quiet! We are sneaking!

The towering figure reaches the door and nearly topples over but Billy steadies himself on top. Earl stares at him blankly.

EARL
Who you be?

BILLY
(with a fake accent that sounds like a cross between “Guy Ingonito” and “The Waterboy.”)
Good evening, kind sir. My name is Eduardo Corgan the Third. I am Billy’s cousin from Iceland. I am here to wish him luck before the historic final show.

EARL
(checking clipboard)
No come in. Name no be on list, yo.

BILLY
(still with the high-pitched accent)
Ah that is to be expected. For you see, my name is written in invisible ink. Billy’s very protective of his family.

Earl looks at his clipboard. Looks back up at “Eduardo”. Squints closely at his clipboard. Squints closely at “Eduardo.”

A beat passes. Sweat begins to form underneath the rim of Billy’s foam cowboy hat. Earl shrugs and opens the door.


EARL
You done go in now.

”Eduardo” takes a step towards the door.

BILLY
(high pitched accent)
Thank you very mu—

Billy bangs his head against the top of the doorway.

BILLY
(normal voice)
GOD!! JIMMY!! WATCH YOUR STEP!!!

Earl stares blankly. Billy manages a shrug.

BILLY
(high pitched voice again)
I mean, uh . . . Good Jiminy! I should watch my step!

Earl continues to stare blankly. It’s not sure if he’s comprehending, contemplating, or even comatose. Billy ducks his head and “Eduardo” walks inside the door.

INT. METRO – BACKSTAGE HALLWAY

A long narrow corridor with various doors that lead out to the stage, dressing rooms, bathrooms and storage closets. Stacked all over are cases with guitar amps, drum kits, large cameras, DV recorders and lines of wire that snake throughout the hallway.

Jimmy trips on a patch chord and all three spill out onto the floor in a mess of legs, fake moustaches, arms, Game Boys, soiled man skirts and cowboy foam cats. They immediately stash their costume behind a large stack. Hearing footsteps, all three duck for cover in the jumbled mess that litters the hallway.

Crouched behind various stacks of gear and boxes, Jimmy, James and Billy peek out. Around the corner comes FUTURE JAMES and FUTURE JIMMY.


FUTURE JIMMY
Do these shorts make my ass look big?

FUTURE JAMES
(checking out Future Jimmy’s ass and shrugging)
Kind of . . .

Our Heroes get a good look at them. Jimmy chuckles and pokes James in the ribs.

JIMMY
Nice suit, you hipster dofus.

JAMES
Yeah sure, you’re one to talk. Did you just come back from jogging or what?

BILLY
(smugly)
Well I’m sure that my future self has presented himself with dignity and po-

Around the corner walks FUTURE BILLY in his silver dress.

BILLY
Ah fuck.

FUTURE BILLY
My God, I’m having second thoughts about this. Am I really making the right decision? Should I just kill the one thing in my life that consistently gave it meaning? The Pumpkins are all that I have known. Do I want to just put it down like an old dog and completely walk away from it?

FUTURE JAMES
Well, actually, Bil-

FUTURE BILLY
(snapping)
Shut the fuck up, Iha, I wasn’t talking to you!

Future Billy, Future James and Future Jimmy walk by the hiding spot of Our Heroes. They immediately duck behind the boxes even further. Jimmy takes his Game Boy off pause and starts playing Dr. Mario again. Billy is looking at his hands like he just killed someone.

BILLY
My God, am I really that insensitive? What has happened to me? I used to be nice and easygoing, but starring into that bitter reflection of my future self has caused a shame-spiral. What turned me into the narcissistic man that just crossed my eyes?

JAMES
Well, actually, Bil-

BILLY
(snapping)
Shut the fuck up, Iha, I wasn’t talking to you!

James plops down, sulking. Jimmy curls his knees up to his chest and plays Dr. Mario intensely. Billy rests his head against the wall. From the stage the opening riff of “Rocket” is heard.

INT. METRO – BACKSTAGE HALLWAY

”TITLE CARD: 3 AND A HALF HOURS LATER”


The crowd in the Metro cheers as “1979” finishes. Jimmy is still in the exact same position as before mashing Game Boy buttons with vigour. James and Billy are asleep, spooning. The cheering wakes up Billy first. He realises that James’ arm is around his chest. Looking horrified, he very slowly disentangles himself from James and then kicks his co-guitarist in the shin to wake him up.


JAMES
(waking suddenly)
But I don’t wanna touch Uncle Jimbo’s bathing suit!!!

BILLY
(hissing)
Shhhhhh!!! I hear somebody coming!

Down the hallway walks Future Billy and BILL CORGAN SR.

FUTURE BILLY
Dad: do me a favour and tell Joe that we’ll come out and for the final song after I take a shit.

BILL CORGAN SR.
How appropriate.

Corgan Sr. exits the hallway while Future Billy continues walking, muttering expletives under his breath. From their hiding point, Billy, James and Jimmy watch Future Billy go into the bathroom. Billy looks around, makes sure the coast is clear and goes up and knocks on the bathroom door.

FUTURE BILLY
(muffled from behind the bathroom door)
Jesus Christ, let a man take a crap!

BILLY
(deep voice)
Pizza delivery.

FUTURE BILLY
(excited)
Ooohhh, pizza while taking a dump. Now that’s service! Come in here and feed me pizza while I shit: this is gonna be great!

The door opens and Billy slips inside, slamming the door behind him. A muffled cry and a few dull THUDDING noises are heard. The door creeps open and Billy drags out an unconscious Future Billy, who’s pants are down by his ankles. Billy drags Future Billy to a nearby storage closet and closes the door.

We can hear the crowd out in the metro chanting, the cheers reaching backstage.


METRO CROWD
(Off screen)
ONE MORE SONG! ONE MORE SONG!

FUTURE JAMES
(Off screen)
Hey Billy, the natives are getting restless!

Jimmy and James duck down. Jimmy turns down the volume on his Game Boy but keeps playing. James starts riffling through the various suitcases, boxes and storage equipment that litter the hallway. He takes out a large camera and nods satisfactorily. Future James enters the hallway.

FUTURE JAMES
C’mon Billy, they’re libel to start a riot over there.

Off screen and on stage a drunk man takes the mic and begins to rally the crowd.

DRUNK GUY
(Off screen)
Come on!!! Lets hear it!!!

The crowd off screen cheers in response.

James pops out from behind the boxes and guitar cases, holding the camera infront of his face, obscuring his features. Future James sees a figure coming towards him holding a camera and sighs.

FUTURE JAMES
No pictures, please. Flash photography impedes my ability to rock.

James walks up to Future James, lowers the camera, and smiles. Future James stares in shock.

JAMES
Say “CHEESE!”

James cracks Future James across the head with camera. Future James hits the ground out cold.

JAMES
(smug)
Heh. With a dry cool wit like that I could be an action hero.

Around the corner walks Future Jimmy. He stares at both Iha’s.

FUTURE JIMMY
What the-

Jimmy taps Future Jimmy on the shoulder. Future Jimmy spins and comes face to face with himself.

JIMMY
Me punch now you face!!!

And he does. Future Jimmy is out like a light, banging his head on the side of a drum kit as he goes down.

JIMMY
(smug)
Heh. With a dry cool wit like that I could be an action hero.

James opens his mouth to say something, closes it and then drags Future James to the nearby storage closet. Jimmy follows suit. They both drag their counterparts to the closet and close the door.

DRUNK GUY
(off screen)
You sound like a New York audience! This is Chicago! LETS GO!!

The cheering becomes more intense off screen. They really want an encore.

From behind the closet door we hear muffled voices.


BILLY
Man, I don’t believe I have to put this thing on.

JAMES
It’s not as if you haven’t worn dresses before, y’know.

BILLY
Yeah but that was at least a floral pattern that brought out my eyes. Silver makes my ass look big.

JIMMY
Hey! Is that someone’s hand?

JAMES
Oh, sorry, I thought that was a pillow.

JIMMY
I didn’t ask you to move it.

Assorted bumping and banging is heard from behind the door. Muttered expletives, “Freakin spandex”, “ugly boots”, etc. etc.

Around the corner, holding her bass comes MELISSA AUF DER MAR. She’s looking around for her wayward bandmates.


MELISSA
Billy?! Jimmy?! James?! C’mon we can play hide and go seek afterwards ok? We gotta get back on stage.

DRUNK GUY
(off screen)
Come on and make it loud!!! LOUD!!!!

The crowd reacts. They really REALLY want an encore.

Out of the door spills Billy, James and Jimmy: now dressed in the clothes of their future counterparts.


MELISSA
(eyeing them suspiciously)
What were you guys doing in there?

JAMES
Oh, you know, just three men coming out of the closet.

MELISSA
(hefting bass in air )
Well, come on. I gotta have this back at the store by 2 AM or else I lose my refund.

As they walk towards the stage Billy leans towards James.

BILLY
(whisper)
Who is that broad anyway?

JAMES
(whisper)
I dunno but she’s holding a bass and not smoking crack so that’s a plus.

BILLY
(whisper)
Yeah, I guess we finally—Jimmy?!
(hissing)
JIMMY! Put . . . the Game Boy . . . away . . . before I . . . take it away!

Jimmy reluctantly puts the Game Boy in his spandex pocket, leaving a significant bulge.

JAMES
Why is that dumb Dr. Mario game the only thing on his mind?

BILLY
Well there’s usually not much in his mind anyway so once a thought gets in there it enjoys the solitude and has a tendency not to leave.

Jimmy shoots Billy a dirty look. Billy blows a kiss back just piss him off.

INT. METRO – STAGE
The Smashing Pumpkins walk on stage to a large chorus of cheers and chants of “SILVERFUCK!”. Fans screaming adulation. Billy gives a small grin. He looks down at the setlist and sees SILVERFUCK. Billy grabs his guitar and gets behind the mic.

BILLY
Are you ready?

He looks over a James. James shrugs.

BILLY
Are you ready?

He looks back accusingly Jimmy, who was reaching for his Game Boy. Caught in the act, Jimmy grins sheepishly and waves his drum sticks at Billy.

Billy shrugs. He starts the opening riff of Silverfuck but since his mind is elsewhere he messes up.

He arches his eyebrows. Fuck it.

So he decides to just wing it for 30 minutes.


INT. METRO – BACKSTAGE

It is a bustle of activity and noise as the crew begins to pack up, getting ready to party, etc. etc. People rush back and forth, running into one another but getting the job done with controlled chaos. The final note of Silverfuck rings from the stage.

BILLY
(off screen from the stage)
God bless you and God bless The Smashing Pumpkins!

Billy staggers backstage weeping and bubbling like a woman. Using a shirtless ROADIE’s stained tank-top as a hanky he blows his nose loudly. He hands the shirt back to the Roadie.

BILLY
(still crying)
Th-…th-..thank you…

ROADIE
(reacting to the snot-rag shirt being handed back to him)
Uhh… that’s ok. You keep it.

Backstage walks Jimmy and James, laughing at Billy holding their sides.

JAMES
(pointing and laughing)
Look at Mr. Rockstar crying on stage!

JIMMY
(also laughing)
Want a bottle, little baby?! HAH!

BILLY
(starting to cry more)
It’s just … its my final show and I put everything I had into –

JIMMY
(cutting him off and imitating Billy’s womanly sobbing)
It’s just . . .its my final show and I’m a complete and utter pussy!

Jimmy and James laugh so hard they have to hang onto each other for support. Then a female voice cuts like a knife into their glee.

WOMAN’S VOICE
(sweetly)
I thought it was beautiful.

All three turn around. The owner of the voice is PAZ LENCHANTIN. She is wearing blue short-shorts and a halter top that says: “I <3 bald singers named Corgan”. Paz walks forward, lovingly strokes the side of Billy’s face and smiles a crocodile smile.

PAZ
It was heaven for 30 minutes straight.

Jimmy and James immediately react to seeing Paz: knowing that they can’t let her seduce Billy. Billy doesn’t recognize her or notice because too in love with his sadness. He just wants comfort.

BILLY
You.. you really think so?

JAMES
(aside to Jimmy)
This is not good.

PAZ
(comfortingly patting Billy’s bald head)
Of course I do. When you sang “She loves you, yeah yeah yeah.” It made me think how much that—

BILLY
(hopefully. Looking for acceptance.)
You love me?

PAZ
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

BILLY
(lost in thought)
I gave the audience everything. What’d they give to me?

PAZ
(Philosophically)
A pocket full of empty rings and a diamond dream.

Billy gazes into Paz’s eyes with loving understanding. A mystical otherworldly energy seems to radiate from Paz into his mind. He’s hooked. Paz wraps Billy up in a hug. Paz looks back at James and Jimmy and grins, demons dancing behind her eyes. This woman is evil and she loves it.

James steps in trying to stop the situation from spiraling out of control.


JAMES
Uh, yeah Billy. That was really great. Now how about you me and Jimmy go get some Orange Smoothies?

BILLY
(defiantly)
I want to stay. With her.

JIMMY
Oh Jesus.

JAMES
But Billy, she’s the one who Doc told us about! You can’t let her-

PAZ
(interrupting)
You heard what he said. We’re staying with each other.

She wraps Billy again in her comforting bosom. Paz grins evilly at James and Jimmy, knowing that she’s won. For a moment, her eyes turn red. Then they go back to normal. Not only is she evil, just like Doc said she’s not even human.

Jimmy gawks openly. James makes a grab for Billy’s arm to pull him away.


JAMES
C’mon, lets go-

BILLY
(pointing behind them)
Oh my God, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!!

Jimmy and James’ heads snap around. Billy grabs Paz by the arm and bolts for an exit.

Jimmy and James turn back but Billy and Paz are gone, lost in the crowd.


JAMES
Shit! I hate it when he does that!

EXT. METRO – BACK PARKING LOT - NIGHT

Billy and Paz are running for the DeLorean. Hand in hand and laughing all the way. Billy is punchdrunk on his newfound love.

BILLY
They always fall for that trick! You think after the 45th time they’d figure it out. But now, my June, you and me will drive off into the sunset and live forever in happiness!

Suddenly, through the crowd of roadies, trucks, security guards and camera crews runs an EXTREMELY OBESE FAN. He is wearing a GODFATHER TRILOGY t-shirt that is covered in mustard stains. Pinned to his large man-breast is a pin that says ”I AM ONE Of GLASS’ GHOST CHILDREN”

Earl, the black slow witted security guard tries to grab at him.


EARL
You not be back here wit no pass!!

EXTREMELY OBESE FAN
(dodging around Earl)
I have to talk to Billy! I have to know!

The fan, moving quickly considering the amount of lard, runs up to Billy and Paz.

Looking back it seems that Earl is running in slow motion. However soon we see people walking past him at a normal speed. Apparently Earl just isn’t very good at long distance sprinting.


EXTREMELY OBESE FAN
(words coming out in a rush)
Billy! I need to know the answer to the MACHINA mystery! I have to spread the word of Glass!

BILLY
Wha-?

EXTREMELY OBESE FAN
(in his own little world)
What is the reason for it all? Who is the key?!

Earl has stopped running to catch his breath and have a smoke. No help is forthcoming from him any time soon.

Billy shrugs, stammers and looks around, not knowing how to deal with this insane fan.


BILLY
Ah… well, uh . .. you see . . .

Billy eyes fall upon Paz. She stares at him intensely. The mystical energy seems to pass into his mind again. He’s completely smitten again.

BILLY
(dazed)
My June . . .

EXTREMELY OBESE FAN
(sputtering madly)
That’s it! I knew it! Its June! She’s the key and the Glass Children are people like me who are chosen to spread the word!!

Billy and Paz walk away from the fan who is babbling to himself excitedly.

EXTREMELY OBESE FAN
Oh glorious day! Oh rapture! Oh fortune! For I know the word of Glass that shall be put—

Earl finally catches up to the Extremely Obese Fan and then beats him to death with a brick. Applause breaks out from several bystanders.

Out of the Metro runs Jimmy and James, just in time to see Billy and Paz jump into the DeLorean and peel off.

James kicks the ground in frustration. Jimmy whips out his Game Boy and starts playing Dr. Mario again.


JAMES
SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! If that bald headed freak falls in love with Paz then everything is going to happen just like Doc said it would! We’re fucked! We’re domed! Game over, man! Game over!

JIMMY
(paying attention to his Game Boy)
Not yet.

JAMES
(completely misinterpreting him)
Hey, you’re right! We’re not licked yet. We gotta stop them! C’mon Jimmy.

James runs off. Jimmy is still standing there playing his Game Boy. James runs back in and takes it from him.

JIMMY
Hey!

JAMES
(waving it like a Scooby-snack)
Come on, boy! Follow me!

EXT. METRO – STREET - NIGHT

Jimmy and James push their way through a mob of adoring fans and autograph seekers. They see a rather crummy-looking, yet still functional, car idling at the curb. Jimmy and James yank open the door and throw the occupants out onto the street.

INT. CAR
Jimmy gets behind the wheel and guns it like the racecar driver he is. James leans out the window and calls back.


JAMES
Thanks for lending us your car! We really appreciate the fans support over the years and –

James looks down and notices DAT tapes scattered all over the floor of the car and stacks of tapes in the back seat. He picks one up and examines it closely.

JAMES
Uh, Jimmy, why is this tape labelled “James and D’Arcy’s first anal - 03/18/1989”?

EXT. METRO – STREET - NIGHT

The two occupants who were unceremoniously thrown out of the car get to their feet. One is wearing a t-shirt that says “AC/DC” and the other is wearing a shirt that says “METALLICA”. Their names are FARES and QUINTO.

QUINTO
(shocked and awed)
Dude . . . we just got carjacked by James Iha and Jimmy Chamberlin. . .

FARES
(grinning)
Leet as fuck, buddy. Leet as fuck.

They both start to laugh ala “Beavis and Butthead”, and they continue to laugh, right up to the moment when they’re both run over by a speeding truck.

EXT. CHICAGO – ABANDONED PLAYGROUND – NIGHT

It is a cold moonlit night as the DeLorean slows to a stop by the side of the snow-covered road for a romantic view. Billy gets out of the car and, like a gentleman, opens the door for his beloved Paz. They make quite the pair in the moonlight: Billy in his silver dress being brainwashed by otherworldly forces. Paz in her halter-top and blue short shorts, using her mystical energy to bend Billy to her will.

Paz’s halter top shimmers mystically and now reads: “I <3 World Domination”. She presents her short-shorted backside to Corgan.


PAZ
Do these shorts make my ass look big?

BILLY
Not really.

Suddenly Paz’s butt expands (ala the T-X in ”Terminator 3”) to a nice full ghetto booty. Billy watches in wonderment. All of the strange happenings are completely oblivious to him, so in love is he.

PAZ
(indicating her newly enlarged butt)
How about now?

Billy smiles, nods and drools approvingly.

EXT. CHICAGO – SIDE STREET - NIGHT

The camera PANS FORWARD over the car that James and Jimmy stole. It is has crashed. The car has been reduced to a smoking heap wrapped around a tree.

The camera PANS FORWARD more to see TWO CHILDREN who are beaten up with black eyes, split lips and lying unconscious on a sidewalk.

The camera PANS FORWARD more to see James riding a tricycle. His pockets are stuffed with DAT tapes that he managed to salvage from the wreck of the leet trader’s car. He huffs and puffs with exertion on the children’s bike.


JAMES
(muttering to himself, biking along)
Grand theft auto and small theft tricycle. I am so going to hell for this one.
(yelling ahead)
Dammit, Jimmy! Why did you have to crash the car?

The camera PANS FORWARD to see Jimmy ridding another red tricycle. Amazingly, Jimmy is able to ride the tricycle and play his Game Boy at the same time.

JIMMY
I wouldn’t have crashed the car if you had just given me back Dr. Mario!

EXT. – CHICAGO - ABANDONED PLAYGROUND - NIGHT

Billy and Paz are dancing in the moonlight.

PAZ
Oh Billy!

BILLY
Oh Paz!

Around the street corner enters Jimmy and James on their stolen tricycles.

JAMES
(reacting to Billy and Paz)
Oh Dammit!

Jimmy and James get off their tricycles and run up to Billy and Paz. Jimmy is so concerned he even puts away his Game Boy. This is serious shit.

JIMMY
Hey, Billy! Snap out of it!

Billy continues to dance with Paz with a grin stuck to his face. Paz looks at him intensely and the mystical energy envelops Billy again. His grin gets even wider and the bulge in his dress gets even bigger.

JAMES
C’mon, man. Fate of the world? Destruction of the future? Zombies? Talking pies? Evil seductive beings named Paz? Is any of this ringing a bell?

Paz twirls Billy around. They continue to dance. Paz sticks her tongue out at Jimmy and James.

James in frustration sticks his hands into his pockets.


JIMMY
(sighing)
Total brain lock, dude. He’s in his own little world.

BILLY
(to Paz)
Oh Paz, you make me feel like I’m in my own little world!

JIMMY
See?

James feels something in his pocket. After he feels that, he notices that he still has some DAT tapes crammed in there.

He takes a tape out, looks at it and grins.


JAMES
Hey Billy! Somebody has a copy of us recording in your dad’s basement from 1988!

Billy immediately reacts like he’s had a hot poker shoved up his ass.

BILLY
WHAT???!!!

He throws Paz to the ground in anger. She looks stunned and angry. Billy doesn’t notice. He’s livid.

BILLY
Who leaked my tape?! Who the fuck leaked my fucking tape?! Who's the slimy little communist shit, tinkle-toed cocksucker who just signed his own death warrant?!

Billy grabs the DAT from James, nearly taking James’ fingers with it. Billy starts cursing repeatedly and invoking the name of Almighty Zeus to smite his enemies.

JIMMY
(aside to James)
How did you know that would work?

JAMES
(smugly)
There’s only one thing that can break through Billy’s thick bald skull: Billy’s thick bald ego.

Paz gets up off the ground. She stands very still.

PAZ
Billy, my love, come back to me.

BILLY
(waving her off)
Yeah, yeah. In a minute. I gotta figure out how this got leaked.

PAZ
Oh there’s no need for it now. We have our lov-

BILLY
(interrupting)
Yeah well, that’s great. I’m busy.

Paz’s face begins to turn red. She sets her jaw, grinding her teeth.

PAZ
But Billy, we have our plans and our future to think of.

BILLY
(sighing and rolling his eyes)
Not tonight, dear. I have a headache.

Paz takes a dangerous step towards Billy. She seems to be loosing her cool. Her fingers are sticking out at the side: clawlike. Energy seems to crackle in the air around her. Steam starts to seep out of her ears like when somebody gets mad on a Buggs Bunny cartoon.

PAZ
(dangerously)
No Billy. We have to consider our future right now.

She locks her gaze with Billy. Her eyes and face turn red. She speaks in a voice quite unlike her own.

PAZ
Now Corgan: You will not deny me. You will come with me and we will form anew band from the ashes of the old. One that you will dedicate to raising power and fortune that I will use to-

BILLY
(cutting her off)
Oh save the Dr. Evil act, sister. You know what? I don’t like your attitude. You come all in here, trying to talk about all these things and ideas and plans and now you wanna form a band with me?!

Steam starts to shoot out of Paz’s ears more. James and Jimmy take a cautious step back. Billy takes a step forward towards her, even more pissed than before.

PAZ
That is the way it must be.

BILLY
(Becoming increasingly more angry and louder throughout)
“The way it must be”?! What the fuck are you babbling about, lady?! You know what, even if I DID ever entertain the notion of making a band with you I’d probably just bang you for a year and then throw you away like a parking ticket! If there’s one thing I can’t stand its people telling me what to do. Do you know who I am? I am Billy-fucking-Corgan, creator of the largest selling double album –

JAMES
(interjecting)
Second largest.

BILLY
(shouting over James)
--LARGEST SELLING DOUBLE ALBUM OF ALL TIME! AND, LITTLE MISS PAZ, YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALK INTO MY LIFE AND TELL ME, THE ALMIGHTLY CORGAN, HOW TO RUN IT YOU GOT ANOTHER GODDAMN THING COMING!

A beat passes. Then Billy spins on his heel and walks away from her.

Paz’s face is completely red. Steam continues to shoot out of her ears. She’s a kettle reaching boiling point.

She looks so angry she could explode.

Then she does. Literally.

Paz explodes in a very gay looking multicoloured rainbow. Cartoon-ish stars, guitars, clouds and birds spring out of her. It looks like the flash animated intro to Zwan.com. The force of the explosion knocks Billy, James and Jimmy to the ground. Everything is drenched in a glow of neon, red, green, blues. There might be a scream of Paz mixed in there, but its so high, distorted and clipping it’s really hard to tell.

The glow fades away. It is suddenly as still as a graveyard. Jimmy, James and Billy stagger to their feet. They look around. Not a single snowflake drops. Not a single bird stirs.

James opens his mouth to say something but he is interrupted by Paz’s booming voice that seems to come from everywhere at once. Her voice can be heard all over Chicago and even in some parts of Joliet.


PAZ’S VOICE
(Booming, deep, echoing and menacing)
SUBCREATUES! LENCHANTIN THE DESTROYER, LENCHANTIN THE MIGHTY SUCCUBUS AND THE TRAVELER OF DEATH HAS COME! YOUR TIME ON THIS PITIFUL SPHERE IS AT AN END! CHOOSE AND PERISH!


JIMMY
Is she talking to us?

JAMES
What’s she talking about? Choose what?
(to the heavens)
What do you mean, “choose”? We don’t understand!

PAZ’S VOICE
CHOOSE!!

BILLY
Wait, wait, wait. Remember Doc said that Paz could take on different forms? I think she’s saying that since we’re about to be sacrificed anyway we get to choose the form we want her to take.

JAMES
So you’re saying I stand here and concentrate on the image Joe Shannahan, Paz will appear as Joe Shannahan and wipe us out?

BILLY
That appears to be the case. James, Jimmy: clear you mind. Do not think of anything. We only get one shot at this. Concentrate on nothing.

PAZ’S VOICE
THE CHOICE IS MADE. THE TRAVELLER OF DEATH HAS COME.

BILLY
(to the heavens)
Wait! Wait! We didn’t think of anything! That’s not fair!!

A deep rumbling shakes the ground. The trees sway from the rhythmic pounding. It sounds like gigantic footsteps. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM.

Jimmy, James and Billy look across to the city skyline. We see buildings of downtown Chicago shake and tremble.


EXT. CHICAGO - WRIGLEY FIELD BALLPARK - NIGHT

The ground shakes and people scatter across the streets like ants. Suddenly a gigantic BROWN BOOT crushes Wrigley Field, splitting it in two. Only seeing one leg we can make out the tail end of a lab coat.

EXT. CHICAGO – ABANDONED PLAYGROUND - NIGHT

Jimmy, James and Billy watch in slack jawed horror as another building in downtown Chicago collapses. The building falls to the ground in a heap of rubble and smoke.

From the debris cloud out steps a 50 foot tall gigantic DR. MARIO. And he’s destroying the city.

Billy and James slowly turn to look at Jimmy. Jimmy grins sheepishly.


JIMMY
Well . . . you don’t see that every day, huh?

In response the Godzilla-sized Dr. Mario picks up the Sears Tower and starts swinging it like a baseball bat, knocking an El Train clear into the east end.

JAMES
(Finally snapping on Jimmy)
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?! SERIOUSLY!!!

BILLY
(in shock)
I don’t freakin believe this.

JIMMY
(meekly)
But I hadn’t played in over ten min-

There is a gigantic CRASH as Dr. Mario grabs a passing helicopter and spikes it into the Cabaret Metro.

JAMES
(freaking out)
OH REALLY?! THAT’S A FUCKING SHAME!! NOW WE ONLY HAVE TO DEAL WITH A BIGGIE SIZED FUCKING NINTENDO MASCOT!! THAT’S SO FUCKING MUCH BETTER!! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!!!

BILLY
That’s a good question.

At which point Billy turns around and address the camera directly, talking to the audience.

BILLY
And it’s an answer that’ll have to wait until you pay to see another movie!

Billy casually walks over and props his knee on the corner of a kid’s slide. In the b.ackground, the gigantic Dr. Mario is still wreaking havoc.

BILLY
(addressing the audience in paternal and comforting manner)
You see, kids: it’s all about simple economics. Sequels are out, quite frankly. What with the diminishing returns of “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” and “Legally Blonde 2”, the chances of people dealing out cash for a SINGLE sequel are becoming less and less. Now trilogies, my friends, that’s where the real money is made. “The Matrix”, “Lord of the Rings”, “Star Wars”, “Terminator”, “American Pie”. The returning answer from the box office again and again is “third time’s the charm.”

JAMES
(also addressing the audience)
You see kids: the more times that you come and see our movies means that there will be more money for us. More money equals more cash that we can spend on the luxuries and lifestyles that we have become accustomed too. This means we can spend our lucrative backend deals on guitars, crack and hookers.

JIMMY
And heroin. You see kids: Don’t forget that delicious smack. It’ll make you happy.

BILLY
(laughing politely and patting JC on the shoulder)
Of course it will, Jimmy.

In the city of Chicago the gigantic Dr. Mario has started breathing fire and stepping on orphanages.

BILLY
So, our faithful and trusting audience members: don’t miss a beat!

Jimmy, James and Billy hold up sacks of money with dollar signs on them.

BILLY
And be sure to be right back here in sixth months for the exciting conclusion: EPISODE III – THE ROCKONING!!!

FREEZE FRAME.

TITLE CARD: TO BE CONCLUDED

ROLL CREDITS

The audience streams out of the theatre in a state of near rioting, blood streaming from their ears, demanding their money back.



. . .




After the credits roll there is a treat for anyone who stuck around / was busy making out.


EXT. DESERT SHACK - DAY

TITLE CARD: MEXICO

A very dusty shack in the middle of nowhere. A tumble weed rolls by. A local propped up against the shack takes a siesta holding a bottle of tequila and wearing a sombrero.


INT. SHACK – BED

We pan up to see D’ARCY lying in bed with a PIE.

D’ARCY
So . . . do you want a rimjob?


THE END
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Old 08-09-2003, 11:23 AM   #37
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5/5

 
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Old 08-09-2003, 12:13 PM   #38
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that was great man. absolutly great.

 
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Old 08-09-2003, 12:45 PM   #39
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just. awesome.
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Old 08-09-2003, 12:51 PM   #40
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Thumbs up

solid gold
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Old 08-09-2003, 09:59 PM   #41
Mayfuck
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ugly
Billy’s jaw drops and looks at James stunned. The only sound is the bleeping of Jimmy getting a triple score in Dr. Mario.
Best part.

 
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Old 08-10-2003, 01:08 AM   #42
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Default Re: well, the man said "take it from here"

Quote:
Originally posted by Ugly
QUINTO
(shocked and awed)
Dude . . . we just got carjacked by James Iha and Jimmy Chamberlin. . .

FARES
(grinning)
Leet as fuck, buddy. Leet as fuck.
__________

BILLY
Who leaked my tape?! Who the fuck leaked my fucking tape?! Who's the slimy little communist shit, tinkle-toed cocksucker who just signed his own death warrant?!
Damn thats some funny shit!

 
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Old 08-10-2003, 02:06 AM   #43
tear stained glass
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I like it a bunch. I hope JAYMEZ is less of a pussy in the Rockoning. But really, that made my day like the Secret Diary of Billy Corgan when I first read it.

 
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Old 08-10-2003, 02:12 AM   #44
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how about billy corgan and james iha end up IN EACH OTHER'S BODY FOR A WEEK!!!!!!

 
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Old 08-10-2003, 11:36 AM   #45
shaniqua
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ihaman
how about billy corgan and james iha end up IN EACH OTHER'S BODY FOR A WEEK!!!!!!
okay, can someone PLEASE photoshop the freaky friday poster with b0lly and jaymez? thnx.
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Old 08-10-2003, 12:36 PM   #46
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The most entertaining thing I have ever read on any message board or news reader in my whole life! Very well done, I am more than impressed!!
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Old 08-10-2003, 01:10 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally posted by Halteh
The most entertaining thing I have ever read on any message board or news reader in my whole life! Very well done, I am more than impressed!!
the remaining question is: when will you guys leak that anal-tape?
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Old 08-10-2003, 01:27 PM   #48
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Artists rendition-

 
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Old 08-11-2003, 05:58 PM   #49
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this thread needs to be archived.

 
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Old 08-11-2003, 08:57 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally posted by Boycott Graceland
this thread needs to be archived.

 
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Old 08-11-2003, 10:41 PM   #51
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Quote:
Originally posted by TheYellowDart
Artists rendition-
That pic seriously made my day. You know you've done a good job when.

In all honesty I wrote it mostly for myself for practice but I was hoping people would read it. I'm surprised people actually read the whole thing and found it funny. I thought the responses were just gonna be "that is too long, it looks dumb, I'm not gonna read it and you're a loser for writing it." I'm really happy (and, frankly, shocked) that people got a kick out of it.

I actually wrote about 85% of it while I was at work over a few weeks, a few lines at a time whenever I got bored. The sweet thing was I technically got paid to do it.

I wanna concentrate on writing for an article for the newspaper now, so I dunno if I'll do part 3 - but Boycott Graceland just PM'ed me a really good idea and Ihamatt's little bit of bidnez sounded funky so it might eventually happen.

The idea started with "back to the metro" and I thought of the 3rd act of Back to the Future II (duh) as the main inspiration (playing around with something that happened already in real time.) If you read it closely, the lines from the Drunk Guy and Billy's "are you ready?" during Silverfuck are the actual lines from the final Metro show. heck, originally I wanted to make it so that Jimmy/James/Billy from the past were responsible for playing "MCIS" and then played "Tonight, Tonight" intro during the "Rocket" but I didn't think that was very funny so I dropped it.

I thought Boycott's original post about Jimmy playing Dr. Mario was funny so I wanted to keep that going on throughout. But the joke needed a punchline - hence the ending with a gigantic Ghostbusters parody/ homage with Dr. Mario trashing Chicago. So with that I needed a villain (why the hell would there be a giant Dr. Mario and why would they have to go replace themselves in the first place?) and struck on Paz as Gozer/Succubus. I came up with a few lines and scenes, wrote most of it out of order and the rest was just filling in the pieces.

I'm glad people found the Fares/Quntio bit funny - I actually thought it might be a little too mean but I’m glad people knew I was kidding around. Billy freaking out about a tape being leaked just came naturally out of that gag. I didn't plan it at all, it just happened that way. Originally I thought of just having James say “Billy can I have your autograph!” but the other way pays off a lot better. Some lines I had to think of a few times, other ones just came out as fast as I wrote them.

I stuck in a ton of subtle and not so subtle random SP and Zwan references across the whole thing - if you know your shit enough you'll catch them all. ("Quiet! We are sneaking!" is my #1 favourite line in the whole thing) There's also lines from Full Metal Jacket, Simpsons, Return of the Jedi, Pinky and the Brain. There was a bigger Austin Powers reference (originally Billy said "Ow! Who throws his shoe now, honestly?!") but I cut that out. The stuff at the end is actually taken line by line (with slight modifications) from the script for Ghostbusters.

As it stands, I like it. I think the opening is kind of dull - if I had to do it again I'd handle all the plot exposition while they were being chased by killer robot monkeys or something to make it more interesting. For the record my favourite part in the whole thing is when Billy James and Jimmy sneak into the Metro. I like the idea of this really lame and clearly fake disguise and excuses actually working. The costume and the line "my name is written in invisible ink" made me laugh out loud when I first thought of it.

I wrote it as a cliffhanger because A) I was too lazy to think of a way to get them out of it (its a giant Dr. Mario, how the hell do you get out of that if you don't have proton packs?) and B) I like taking a jab at the movie industry about sequel/ trilogy / clifhanger fever. I think originally James was going to fly the DeLorian into Dr. Mario's balls and go out in a blaze of glory but I dropped that.

Anyway, this whole post was just an extremely long and masturbatory way to say: thanks a lot to y’all, seriously.
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Old 08-12-2003, 05:14 AM   #52
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tl,dr

 
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Old 08-12-2003, 12:09 PM   #53
Injektilo
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mayfuck
tl,dr
i've never been able to figure out what that means, but i'm guessing "too long, didn't read"

correct? wrong?

 
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Old 08-12-2003, 01:11 PM   #54
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Quote:
Originally posted by Injektilo


i've never been able to figure out what that means, but i'm guessing "too long, didn't read"



Affirmative.

 
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Old 08-12-2003, 03:42 PM   #55
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I read the whole thing - that was awesome!

 
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Old 08-12-2003, 07:25 PM   #56
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Quote:
Originally posted by sarasvati
I read the whole thing - that was awesome!

Definitely-if you didnt and you have time, go back up and read the whole thing-great dialogue and visuals and what not through the whole post

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 08:19 AM   #57
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oh sweet jesus dude.

that was the sole most fucking awesome thing ive ever read....


ONE MORE SEQUEL.... ONE MORE SEQUEL.... ONE MORE SEQUEL...

oh jesus. somebody find me a fucking film crew. im MAKING this bitch....

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 09:24 AM   #58
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well i guess we all know what'll be sweeping the oscars next year huh!

i didn't think the pumpkins/zwan movie scripts from the z-board could be beaten, they were awesome. but this kicks so much ass. well done again

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 09:26 AM   #59
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Quote:
Originally posted by severin
the remaining question is: when will you guys leak that anal-tape?
or at least put a deleted scene on the dvd of billy bumming bootay paz over the car.

 
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Old 03-02-2004, 11:18 AM   #60
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well i just pissed my pants and woke up both my roomie and the guy that lives below me is pounding on the ceiling.

 
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