God thread

[LaBelle]

I've read passages of the bible in front of people in church when I was in the youth group.

[MyOneAndOnly]

i've found that the people who've read it most and understand it tend to be atheists

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by LaBelle

I've read passages of the bible in front of people in church when I was in the youth group.

I read a sermon my dad wrote for me when I was 12. In front of like 500 ppl.

I just thank satan every day that I read the first couple chapters of my science textbook around the same time thereby sparing from the fate of turning into a monte or a poots.

[FoolofaTook]

Lol reading the bible once. bitchass christians

I've read the bible twice kjv niv

also the apocrypha and nag hammadi and josephus and the book of enoch

AND THE MOTHERFUCKING BOOK OF MORMON AT THE TENDER AGE OF ELEVEN.

and I'm a nihilist.

[FoolofaTook]

Lots of eg white passages as well.

o and ben carsons gifted hands. i almost forgot.

[FoolofaTook]

Shit I've read the Pilgrims progress and Paradise Lost. Have any of you "christians" read those?

Bitches.

[FoolofaTook]

Samson Agonistes too.

Shall I go on?

[FoolofaTook]

Ohand ehen I said I read the bible i hope no one thought that I actually read leviticus or chronicles or anything written by that boring motherfucker the apostle paul.

[FoolofaTook]

The Bible is a heaping mass of shit with emeralds hidden thru-out.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by Poots

yes I have. What's your point with all of this? I'm not making some radical statement when I say that you need to believe in God to be a Christian.

I dunno, you're not Christian, you're not a theologian...why bother to make statements about what you need to "believe in" to be a Christian and be so adamant about it.

I doubt you've read the bible from cover to cover.

[LaBelle]

At the seventh day mass of my grandmother's passing priest went on a homophobic rant amidst the procedures...

It was cringetown.

[vixnix]

I was playing piano at an ecumenical service once, they run it every year and it was the Catholic priest's year to give a sermon.

He talked about how essential it was to take communion every week and told the story of a priest who had ceased to believe in transubstantiation so to teach this priest a lesson God performed the miracle of turning the remainder of the communion wine in the cup to blood, which then clotted into three clots.

to further prove transubstantiation through his massive Godly powers, God then made each of the three clots weigh the same as the three clots weighed together.

It was pretty awkward.

Full church though. Those Catholics really know how to get asses on seats.

[MyOneAndOnly]

Originally Posted by FoolofaTook

The Bible is a heaping mass of shit with emeralds hidden thru-out.

there are two ways to consume it's absurdities and call yourself a believer. Either you turn your mind into a compartmentalized prison and divest yourself of any sense of reason, thus becoming a fundamentalist who argues that all of humanity is the incestuous spawn of Mosses's wife and children. Or you become a milquetoast allegorist who makes constant excuses to explain both the absurdity of the texts and the ridiculousness of your own rationalizations.

[LaBelle]

I read the bible as inspirational parables for the most part.

Basically the mid-90s Kevin Costner movies of it's time.

[vixnix]

I read the bible at least a few times a week. I used to read it every day but when I had finished my first cover-to-cover reading I started slowing down.

And yeah, that includes leviticus. if you have mold on your tents, lemme know. I keep doves in my aviary out the back and have a rabbi on speed dial.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

there are two ways to consume it's absurdities and call yourself a believer. Either you turn your mind into a compartmentalized prison and divest yourself of any sense of reason, thus becoming a fundamentalist who argues that all of humanity is the incestuous spawn of Mosses's wife and children. Or you become a milquetoast allegorist who makes constant excuses to explain both the absurdity of the texts and the ridiculousness of your own rationalizations.

or you can view it as a collection of ancient texts that reflect their historical and geographical context. Something that documents, though unreliably (like many documents of their time) some encounters that some humans had with something they felt was holy.

And use that as a springboard to connect with the something you feel is holy, now.

I dunno. I think you might be presenting a false dilemma

[buzzard]

I actually built my very own tabernacle as I read through Exodus, admittedly using MDF instead of acacia to keep costs down.

[vixnix]

I think that's OK as long as you didn't try and swap goathair coverings with sheepskin or something like that. Just have to get the essentials right...

[MyOneAndOnly]

Originally Posted by vixnix

or you can view it as a collection of ancient texts that reflect their historical and geographical context. Something that documents, though unreliably (like many documents of their time) some encounters that some humans had with something they felt was holy.

And use that as a springboard to connect with the something you feel is holy, now.

I dunno. I think you might be presenting a false dilemma

the idea that those historical texts are so relevent to life today that people should waste time every week reading them is absurd. They are in use today because of the institutionalization of organizerd christian religion. If you were born in some other religion you'd be arguing that that is the book to read.

Do you read the Quaran weekly? The Tripitaka? The Shruti? The Akilattirattu Ammanai and Arul Nool? The Viking Sagas? The Book of Mormon? Docrines of Epicureanism?

The christian and jewish bibles are shit in terms of instruction or inspiration for leading a healthy modern life. There are countless other works of lilterature, science, etc. that have more utility for day to day well being.

But if you want to ruminate on whether Sodomy used to mean general sexual fornication or actual anal penetration, by all means read away.

[buzzard]

It was referred to as "buggery" in the British English edition that I was raised on.

[vixnix]

I guess whether you find a text inspirational is kind of subjective. I actually love the Bible as a collection of texts. To me, it sort of has a bit of everything. A bit of horror, a bit of brutality, some beauty, some poetry, some whack ass advice, some good advice.

I totally get that not everyone feels the same way. Not everyone likes Schubert or The Prairie Home Companion but I do, and I find both inspirational and could happily listen to one or the other or both, every day.

Why would I ruminate on sodomy? It doesn't feature very often in the Bible.

Apparently this is a list of the top 100 words used in the bible.

LORD - 7365
GOD - 4293
MAN - 2747
ISRAEL - 2509
PEOPLE - 2271
KING - 2124
SON - 1980
MEN - 1860
HOUSE - 1840
DAY - 1759
CHILDREN - 1727
LAND - 1641
THINGS - 1438
HAND - 1419
EARTH - 1088
SONS - 1061
JERUSALEM - 956
CITY - 953
JESUS - 953
FATHER - 944
NAME - 934
HEART - 925
DAYS - 923
DAVID - 881
MOSES - 804
PLACE - 798
TIME - 787
JUDAH - 756
WORD - 737
EVIL - 657
HEAVEN - 644
BRETHREN - 641
WORDS - 639
FIRE - 617
EGYPT - 604
THING - 603
LAW - 599
FATHERS - 584
LIFE - 550
HANDS - 544
EYES - 538
FEAR - 528
VOICE - 524
CHRIST - 523
PRIEST - 503
SPIRIT - 501
SERVANTS - 498
SOUL - 496
SERVANT - 490
GLORY - 480
PEACE - 470
GOLD - 463
MOUTH - 463
DEATH - 456
PRIESTS - 452
CITIES - 450
SWORD - 443
SIN - 441
FACE - 433
WATER - 426
SEA - 424
LEFT - 423
WORK - 423
BLOOD - 415
WIFE - 414
FLESH - 405
WOMAN - 401
BROTHER - 395
HEAD - 394
YEAR - 394
SIDE - 390
END - 387
RIGHT - 385
KINGDOM - 384
NATIONS - 384
POWER - 383
SIGHT - 377
ALTAR - 372
JACOB - 366
KINGS - 360
ENEMIES - 357
CONGREGATION - 356
BREAD - 355
NIGHT - 354
SILVER - 351
WORLD - 351
WISDOM - 345
JUDGMENT - 344
JEWS - 341
MULTITUDE - 335
LOVE - 333
DAUGHTER - 331
SAUL - 328
REST - 326
AARON - 318
WILDERNESS - 315
CHIEF - 314
COVENANT - 313
TABERNACLE - 307
TEMPLE - 304

[FoolofaTook]

How many mentions of concubines?

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by buzzard

I actuallyy built my very own tabernacle as I read through Exodus, admittedly using MDF instead of acacia to keep costs down.

Acacia aint shit

its all about shittim wood

and remember: lebanon prevails

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

there are two ways to consume it's absurdities and call yourself a believer. Either you turn your mind into a compartmentalized prison and divest yourself of any sense of reason, thus becoming a fundamentalist who argues that all of humanity is the incestuous spawn of Mosses's wife and children. Or you become a milquetoast allegorist who makes constant excuses to explain both the absurdity of the texts and the ridiculousness of your own rationalizations.

Two ways? Billions of christians and just two ways.

come now scotty

[buzzard]

lebanon screen
damascus road traveler

and ground upon a savior

[vixnix]

Dunno, but it was written by men and there are 2747 mentions of MAN and 401 mentions of WOMAN. Sad cat.

[LaBelle]

WIFE gets mentioned more often than WOMAN.

[LaBelle]

Also the word THING gets used more often.

Le sigh.

[myosis]

love the bible too.
scotty just radically dismisses it as he resents what people do with it. who in their right mind can't see any inherent value in historical texts? might as well be a nazi and burn it to be forever forgotten, eh?

[MyOneAndOnly]

Originally Posted by myosis

love the bible too.
scotty just radically dismisses it as he resents what people do with it. who in their right mind can't see any inherent value in historical texts? might as well be a nazi and burn it to be forever forgotten, eh?

LOL at nazi book burning