Give me your best jokes!

bornentertainer · 02-25-2004, 04:42 AM

And I'm not talking about the ones that are long and start like "So these two guys walk into a bar". Somehow I became the designated joke teller for the band during shows, and I don't know any good jokes besides Michael Jackson jokes.

Dude The Bagman · 02-25-2004, 04:46 AM

Q: What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
A: A celebrity roast.

......waits for rimshot.....

GreenEggsNSpam · 02-25-2004, 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dude The Bagman
Q: What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
A: A celebrity roast.

......waits for rimshot.....

I'm really hoping this isn't your best material.

cap'n jazz · 02-25-2004, 04:48 AM

Sorry but bands telling jokes onstage is horrible.

Ugly · 02-25-2004, 04:53 AM

A skeleton walks into a bar, goes up the bartender and says "Gimme a beer and a mop".

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him amazed and says "Oh my god, this is so wierd, we have a joke named exactly after you." The screwdriver goes "Really? You have a drink named Philip?"

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. MR T. SEZ IF YOU SAW ME COMMIN YOU'D RUN TOO, FOOL!

ReadMusic · 02-25-2004, 04:54 AM

How do you stop a baby from choking?
Take your dick out of it's mouth.

How do you make a baby cry twice?
By wiping your bloody cock on his teddy bear.

bornentertainer · 02-25-2004, 04:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by cap'n jazz
Sorry but bands telling jokes onstage is horrible.

The only reason I sometimes do this is to pass the time while our drummer is fixing her drums in the middle of the set. It sure beats just watching her adjust stuff in silence.

bornentertainer · 02-25-2004, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ugly

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

LOL this was pretty good.

Dude The Bagman · 02-25-2004, 04:59 AM

what's the difference between 28 dead babies and a 57 chevy?

I don't have a chevy in my garage

bethw · 02-25-2004, 05:02 AM

how do you fit 1000 babies in to a phonebooth?
a woodchipper.

how do you get them out?
tostitoes

what do you call a man fisting a baby?
a ventriloquist

Why Am I So Ugly? · 02-25-2004, 05:03 AM

who's a dumb bitch?

bethw84

bornentertainer · 02-25-2004, 05:03 AM

WTF? Are gross baby jokes the new thing now?

Dude The Bagman · 05:23 AM

What's red and screams alot?

A skinned baby rolling in salt

How do you fuck a baby?

....Hard...

What's worse than 8 dead babies in a dumpster?

One dead baby in 8 dumpsters

ReadMusic · 02-25-2004, 05:22 AM

How many Gaddrow's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

bethw · 02-25-2004, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Why Am I So Ugly?
who's a dumb bitch?

bethw84

thanks baby.

Elvis The Fat Years · 02-25-2004, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by bornentertainer
WTF? Are gross baby jokes the new thing now?

yup. any joke thread will become filled with them. and they are the same ones from 2 years ago.

Jaggie · 02-25-2004, 08:00 AM

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken

GreenEggsNSpam · 02-25-2004, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jaggie
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken

I love this joke. A+

Isle · 02-25-2004, 04:42 PM

what's red and bangs on the door?
baby in a microwave.

what's the good thing about fucking twentyeight year olds?
20 of em.

why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
cuz it wuz dead...

why are there no ashtrays in michael barrymore's house?
cause he dumps all the fags in the swimming pool.

C33 · 02-25-2004, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jaggie
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken

Nimrod · 02-25-2004, 04:54 PM

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Put him on stage with a 400 lb. tiger.

GreenEggsNSpam · 02-25-2004, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nimrod
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Put him on stage with a 400 lb. tiger.

puh..puh...PAHAHAHAHAHAHA
http://forums.netphoria.org/images/5stars.gif

Varien · 05:23 PM

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

Jimmy's a fag.

GreenEggsNSpam · 02-25-2004, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dude The Bagman
what's the difference between 28 dead babies and a 57 chevy?

I don't have a chevy in my garage

Quote:

Originally posted by Varien1
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage

dean moriaty · 02-25-2004, 05:24 PM

if we're on the topic of sick jokes relating to babies...

what do you get if you put a baby in a blender?

a boner

why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

to see the look on it's face

what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of sand?

you can't move a pile of sand with a pitchfork

i know some sick people

GreenEggsNSpam · 02-25-2004, 05:30 PM

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

How do you make a man pregnant?
Stick a dead baby up his ass!

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
One is legal to hit with an AX.

What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.

Isle · 02-25-2004, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dean moriaty
if we're on the topic of sick jokes relating to babies...

what do you get if you put a baby in a blender?

a boner

WINNER

Isle · 02-25-2004, 06:52 PM

what did the kid with no arms and no legs get for christmas? cancer

what do horses eat for breakfast?
special hay

Dude The Bagman · 02-25-2004, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by GreenEggsNSpam
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

The dude abides

http://tv.utterspeculation.com/images/leb_marty.jpg

02-25-2004, 04:42 AM	#1
bornentertainer Apocalyptic Poster Location: bay area Posts: 4,468	Give me your best jokes! And I'm not talking about the ones that are long and start like "So these two guys walk into a bar". Somehow I became the designated joke teller for the band during shows, and I don't know any good jokes besides Michael Jackson jokes.

02-25-2004, 05:17 AM	#13
Dude The Bagman Pledge Location: Chicago Posts: 128	What's red and screams alot? A skinned baby rolling in salt How do you fuck a baby? ....Hard... What's worse than 8 dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in 8 dumpsters Last edited by Dude The Bagman : 02-25-2004 at 05:23 AM.

02-25-2004, 08:00 AM	#17
Jaggie Ownz Posts: 914	What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken __________________ i To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. all my years, been chasing all my fears To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

02-25-2004, 05:13 PM	#23
Varien Minion of Satan Posts: 7,230	What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies? Jimmy's a fag. Last edited by Varien : 02-25-2004 at 05:23 PM.

02-25-2004, 04:46 AM	#2
Dude The Bagman Pledge Location: Chicago Posts: 128	Q: What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A: A celebrity roast. ......waits for rimshot.....

02-25-2004, 04:48 AM	#4
cap'n jazz Socialphobic Location: FUCKING HELL Posts: 11,689	Sorry but bands telling jokes onstage is horrible.

02-25-2004, 04:53 AM	#5
Ugly Immortal Location: Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed Posts: 21,249	A skeleton walks into a bar, goes up the bartender and says "Gimme a beer and a mop". A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him amazed and says "Oh my god, this is so wierd, we have a joke named exactly after you." The screwdriver goes "Really? You have a drink named Philip?" A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!" Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. MR T. SEZ IF YOU SAW ME COMMIN YOU'D RUN TOO, FOOL!

02-25-2004, 04:54 AM	#6
ReadMusic Apocalyptic Poster Location: VALLEY RANCH Posts: 2,922	How do you stop a baby from choking? Take your dick out of it's mouth. How do you make a baby cry twice? By wiping your bloody cock on his teddy bear.

02-25-2004, 04:59 AM	#9
Dude The Bagman Pledge Location: Chicago Posts: 128	what's the difference between 28 dead babies and a 57 chevy? I don't have a chevy in my garage

02-25-2004, 05:02 AM	#10
bethw Pledge Location: new york city Posts: 96	how do you fit 1000 babies in to a phonebooth? a woodchipper. how do you get them out? tostitoes what do you call a man fisting a baby? a ventriloquist

02-25-2004, 05:03 AM	#11
Why Am I So Ugly? Apocalyptic Poster Location: in a bottle for 100 years Posts: 3,835	who's a dumb bitch? bethw84

02-25-2004, 05:22 AM	#14
ReadMusic Apocalyptic Poster Location: VALLEY RANCH Posts: 2,922	How many Gaddrow's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

02-25-2004, 04:42 PM	#19
Isle Braindead Location: Unison Posts: 19,375	what's red and bangs on the door? baby in a microwave. what's the good thing about fucking twentyeight year olds? 20 of em. why did the monkey fall out of the tree? cuz it wuz dead... why are there no ashtrays in michael barrymore's house? cause he dumps all the fags in the swimming pool.

02-25-2004, 04:54 PM	#21
Nimrod Macho Business Donkey Wrestler Location: the cross i'm bearing home 'aint indicative of my place Posts: 5,410	How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Put him on stage with a 400 lb. tiger.

02-25-2004, 05:24 PM	#25
dean moriaty lion of saloons Location: ^ Posts: 7,370	if we're on the topic of sick jokes relating to babies... what do you get if you put a baby in a blender? a boner why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? to see the look on it's face what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of sand? you can't move a pile of sand with a pitchfork i know some sick people

02-25-2004, 05:30 PM	#26
GreenEggsNSpam GreenStarsNSpam Location: Newfoundand, Canada Posts: 11,216	What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume! What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome. How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it's head. What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off. What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Fucked. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree? One is legal to hit with an AX. What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw? Deep Throat.

02-25-2004, 06:52 PM	#28
Isle Braindead Location: Unison Posts: 19,375	what did the kid with no arms and no legs get for christmas? cancer what do horses eat for breakfast? special hay