OMG GOATSE REVELATiON! - Page 2

DeadOpera · 01-19-2004, 01:07 PM

I've heard that before about goatse, but really if it was a butthole up there, don't ya think he would stretch that out too?

meow · 01-19-2004, 01:24 PM

On a side note: One would think he would have taken off the wedding ring for the shot.

Ugly · 01-19-2004, 02:17 PM

http://www.fc-uk.org.uk/goatse/index.html

Bob Goatse - the passage of the century
Bob Goatse, semi-mythical figure and regular guest on the FC Forum, spoke to our special reporter in a telephone interview from his home on the Christmas Islands.

FC-uk: Hello? Hello? Mr Goatse?

Bob Goatse: (muffled) Where's the cellphone? I thought I heard it.

FC-uk: Hello?

Bob Goatse: (sounds of movement) Agh. Hello? Who's this?

FC-uk: Mr Goatse, I'm Huw Jaersal, calling from the UK. We were going to do an interview?

Bob Goatse: Sure. I remember. Sorry 'bout the mixup - I couldn't find the phone.

FC-uk: Couldn't remember where you'd put it?

Bob Goatse: Couldn't reach it when it rang, actually. Had to jump a bit to get to it.

FC-uk: Ah. On a high shelf?

Bob Goatse: Not really. Let's not talk about my phone, huh?

FC-uk: Sure. You've become quite a celebrity, Mr Goatse...

Bob Goatse: Bob

FC-uk: ...OK, Bob. Much like Mahir and the the 'All Your Base' phenomenom, your fame is due to the internet. People think they know what you're like inside without getting to know the real you. Does that bother you?

Bob Goatse: It's a bit of a stretch, I'll admit. I feel I've put more work into my reputation than the others. Opened myself up more, you know.

FC-uk: The others?

Bob Goatse: Mahir - I mean, all he had to do was scan in a couple cheesy photos, put some silly greeting on his site, and he's doing ads for IBM. All your base - like, where did that come from?

FC-uk: So that bothers you?

Bob Goatse: Do you see me doing ads for IBM?

FC-uk: Well, no, but...

Bob Goatse: Or Microsoft? 'Suddenly everything fits'?

FC-uk: You've got to admit there's a certain niche appeal in what you do. Have you explored the idea of sponsorship or publicity?

Bob Goatse: The genie's out of the bottle now, son. You have a skill, and then before you can take a breath it's been circulated all the way across the world. Let me tell you - I go to talent scouts, theatrical agents, and I tell them my name. Know what they say?

FC-uk: Ah, no.

Bob Goatse: They laugh. They say 'we've seen that already, thanks'. Then they hang up.

FC-uk: So, what's next then?

Bob Goatse: I had a Vegas tour arranged before the pictures got out. Vegas, for Chrissake. 'The Amazing Goatse and his Magical Secret Pocket' - had the flyers and everything. That's gone.

FC-uk: I heard you worked as a drug mule for a while?

Bob Goatse: Who told you that? Why do you think I'm living on the frigging Christmas Islands now, huh? Two trips from Columbia and I've flooded the market. The price of cocaine in the entire state of Ohio dropped to half because they didn't realise how much I could carry. The drug barons want to put a cap in my ass now.

FC-uk: To limit it?

Bob Goatse: No, I mean they want to kill me. They weren't happy.

FC-uk: OK, moving on. Tell us some more about Bob Goatse. Is there a Mrs Goatse?

Bob Goatse: There is. We've been together ten years now.

FC-uk: And how does she feel about you?

Bob Goatse: Carefully, with a lot of lube.

FC-uk: No, I meant, uh,

Bob Goatse: Oh, I getcha! She loves the fame, but it's kinda 'through a glass darkly'. I mean, she says 'my husbands a star - he's Bob Goatse' and if people don't already know us, they say 'Yeah? Prove it', so I do. And they don't come round any more.

FC-uk: So tell us some more about those photographs. How did it happen?

Bob Goatse: Allergy

FC-uk: Sorry?

Bob Goatse: I've got an allergy to poppy seeds.

Fc-uk: Is it serious?

Bob Goatse: Not really. It only seriously affects a band of flesh about six inches long.

FC-uk: Where?

Bob Goatse: You've seen the photos. Where do you think? It began one night when we'd been out for a meal. I came home, and I itched. All over. So I got out of my clothes and started scratching. Gwen (that's Mrs Goatse) thought this was hilarious, and she began taking pictures of me in the lounge, scratching like an ape with fleas. We'd just bought a digital camera, see, and she figured this was a great joke.

FC-uk: And then what happened?

Bob Goatse: The itching got worse. Just in one place. Gwen's taking pictures, we've had a bit too much to drink, and it's driving me mad. I turn to her and I say - 'Look, hon, it's really stinging - can you see anything?'

FC-uk: What did she say?

Bob Goatse: She said it was echoing. So then she took a picture - that's the one everyone sees.

FC-uk: But there's a series, aren't there?

Bob Goatse: Kinda. Gwen's taking shots and laughing and I've had too much to drink and I'm trying anything I can get my hands on to stop the itching, and we end up taking forty or so pictures. By the time I'm done I've almost tried to get a back-scratcher there to stop the itching.

FC-uk: And then what?

Bob Goatse: See, there's the funny thing. It just went. Gone. No more itching. Sure, I'm RAW, I mean I've tried everything to stop the itching inside, but it's gone. So me and Gwen go to bed and sleep off too many bottles of red wine.

FC-uk: Why did you release the pictures?

Bob Goatse: We didn't release the pictures. We got burgled.

Fc-uk: And the camera?

Bob Goatse: Taken. We didn't tell the cops - how are we to say 'Well officer, you'll know it's ours because there's pictures of my ass in the card. Here's what it looks like so you'll know when you get it.' Gwen figured we should just write it off.

FC-uk: So when the pictures arrived?

Bob Goatse: That was the Stile Project. Made me into a star overnight. Gwen saw them first and thought it was funny. I realised pretty quick that someone in one of the major cartels was going to recognise my butt - it's not like we're all built for that kind of capacity. So it was time to move on.

FC-uk: You were trying to hide?

Bob Goatse: Something like that. You know how hard it is to hide when you're an icon? There's pictures of me all over the world, you know. Hell, there's even a 'net shrine to me hosted in Spain of all places. Home of the Inquisition becomes host to a church of butt-worshippers. Who makes this up?

FC-uk: But we don't see your face, do we?

Bob Goatse: Hell, no. But if you want to - where's the issue? I mean, you get a coupla Columbians in sharp suits waving 'that' picture around saying 'We want to see his face', people say 'You want help'. You get hundreds of geeks across the world saying 'What does Bob Goatse look like from the front', it's a joke. Sorta like 'Where's Waldo?' but for the very sick in the head.

FC-uk: But why's it an issue?

Bob Goatse: Hey, Sherlock - they might not all be geeks, might they? Christ, the chat rooms are fulla middle-aged Feds pretending to be 12-year-old girls, why can't you have a coupla pissed-off guys from a Columbian cartel pretending to be teenagers wanting to know what Bob Goatse looks like?

FC-uk: So you've tried to stay anonymous?

Bob Goatse: Yeah, right. Y'know, it's like God wants me in the spotlight. Put it this way - fall 2000 we go do a bit of sightseeing in NYC. Take in the tourist places, all of that. Gwen takes a shot of me on the observation deck - and when we get it back, it's like wow! There's me in the right of the picture, and there's New York behind me. Great shot. We bought a new camera, see?

Bastards.

FC-uk: What's the problem?

Bob Goatse: September 18th, I check out one of the bulletin boards and see the picture again. There's me - hat and glasses so my friends in Medellin won't recognise me - and someone's pasted a plane into the background. Next thing I know, I'm all over the friggin' 'net. Bob Goatse tries to hide and they latch on to me and make me into another freakin' joke, for Christ's sake. Don't get your pictures developed at Boots, that what I say.

FC-uk: You mean the 'Tourist of Death' pictures?

Bob Goatse: Oh, and thank you very much for making my day. You know how good it feels to be called that when you've got Escobar's little helpers looking for you day and night?

FC-uk: OK, the WTC guy.

Bob Goatse: That's better.

FC-uk: So what's next on the horizon for you, Bob?

Bob Goatse: I've finally found an agent, so we're going to go into merchandising. GoatseGoods.com - that's the plan.

FC-uk: What sort of merchandising?

Bob Goatse: Novelty items. Mousemats, t-shirts, that kind of thing. We're working on an icon set for windows at the moment - your trashcan becomes 'that' picture. Latest idea - an inflatable 'Bob Butt' to fit over your real wastebin in the office. Those basketball nets are an old idea - this'll give it a new bit of life. There's talk of a whole range of clothes - like if Heidi Fleiss can do it, then I can: 'red cavern outerwear - cover yourself!'.

FC-uk: Any other plans?

Bob Goatse: That's enough for now, don't you think?

FC- uk: There's been some talk of a career in adult films, for example?

Bob Goatse: You can stick that right up your.... Anyway, Gwen won't allow it. She doesn't want me going near another camera for a while. Same with the Jim Rose Circus. I'm just too distinctive now, that's the problem.

FC-uk: We understand. Thanks for your time, Mr Goatse.

Bob Goatse: Bob. It's been a pleasure.

Ugly · 01-19-2004, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ugly

Bob Goatse: Yeah, right. Y'know, it's like God wants me in the spotlight. Put it this way - fall 2000 we go do a bit of sightseeing in NYC. Take in the tourist places, all of that. Gwen takes a shot of me on the observation deck - and when we get it back, it's like wow! There's me in the right of the picture, and there's New York behind me. Great shot. We bought a new camera, see?

Bastards.

FC-uk: What's the problem?

Bob Goatse: September 18th, I check out one of the bulletin boards and see the picture again. There's me - hat and glasses so my friends in Medellin won't recognise me - and someone's pasted a plane into the background. Next thing I know, I'm all over the friggin' 'net. Bob Goatse tries to hide and they latch on to me and make me into another freakin' joke, for Christ's sake. Don't get your pictures developed at Boots, that what I say.

FC-uk: You mean the 'Tourist of Death' pictures?

Bob Goatse: Oh, and thank you very much for making my day. You know how good it feels to be called that when you've got Escobar's little helpers looking for you day and night?

FC-uk: OK, the WTC guy.

http://www.almostaproverb.com/wtcguy...y_original.jpg

http://www.almostaproverb.com/wtcguy/wtcguy_dough.jpg

http://www.almostaproverb.com/wtcguy...hindenburg.jpg

http://www.almostaproverb.com/wtcguy/wtcguy_cj_6422.jpg

http://www.almostaproverb.com/wtcguy/wtcguy_jfk.jpg

http://www.almostaproverb.com/wtcguy/wtcguy_id4.jpg

http://www.almostaproverb.com/wtcguy...y_godzilla.jpg

http://www.almostaproverb.com/wtcguy...berlin1939.jpg

vanilla · 01-19-2004, 05:56 PM

this thread is totally fucked up

Toby · 01-19-2004, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by vanilla
this thread is totally fucked up

I totally agree. Christ!

spfreak · 01-19-2004, 07:49 PM

ur an idiot if u think thats not his butthole

lawson · 01-19-2004, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mason R Butler
Look at goatse:

o......k.......

uggg, why. why.

Mason R Butler · 01-19-2004, 09:50 PM

I like how this made you guys look at Goatse and ponder, if just for a second, what you were really seeing.

Affectation · 01-19-2004, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nimrod's Son
That's an indent, not a butthole.

Exactly. Mason, you and your roommate are fucking idiots.

Affectation · 01-19-2004, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mason R Butler
I like how this made you guys look at Goatse and ponder, if just for a second, what you were really seeing.

Yeah, it's a picture. Nothing is shocking anymore.

Get over yourself, homo.

Transformer · 01-19-2004, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by vanilla
this thread is totally fucked up

five stars baby!

Mason R Butler · 01-20-2004, 12:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Affectation
Exactly. Mason, you and your roommate are fucking idiots.

I'm sorry my knowledge of the prolapsed anus isn't as vast as yours.

noir cat · 01-20-2004, 01:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ghetto_Squirrel
That theory's been floating around for a while

Yeep.

Ugly · 01-20-2004, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by vanilla
this thread is totally fucked up

http://www.almostaproverb.com/wtcguy/wtcguy_lincoln.jpg

Affectation · 01-20-2004, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mason R Butler

I'm sorry my knowledge of the prolapsed anus isn't as vast as yours.

That is not a prolapsed anus, dummy.

Hillzy · 01-20-2004, 03:15 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Affectation
That is not a prolapsed anus, dummy.

How the fuck would you know?

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01-19-2004, 01:07 PM	#31
DeadOpera Minion of Satan Location: ck Posts: 6,212	I've heard that before about goatse, but really if it was a butthole up there, don't ya think he would stretch that out too?

01-19-2004, 01:24 PM	#32
meow Netflix Me Location: Human Skull! Posts: 27,712	On a side note: One would think he would have taken off the wedding ring for the shot.

01-19-2004, 02:17 PM	#33
Ugly Immortal Location: Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed Posts: 21,249	http://www.fc-uk.org.uk/goatse/index.html Bob Goatse - the passage of the century Bob Goatse, semi-mythical figure and regular guest on the FC Forum, spoke to our special reporter in a telephone interview from his home on the Christmas Islands. FC-uk: Hello? Hello? Mr Goatse? Bob Goatse: (muffled) Where's the cellphone? I thought I heard it. FC-uk: Hello? Bob Goatse: (sounds of movement) Agh. Hello? Who's this? FC-uk: Mr Goatse, I'm Huw Jaersal, calling from the UK. We were going to do an interview? Bob Goatse: Sure. I remember. Sorry 'bout the mixup - I couldn't find the phone. FC-uk: Couldn't remember where you'd put it? Bob Goatse: Couldn't reach it when it rang, actually. Had to jump a bit to get to it. FC-uk: Ah. On a high shelf? Bob Goatse: Not really. Let's not talk about my phone, huh? FC-uk: Sure. You've become quite a celebrity, Mr Goatse... Bob Goatse: Bob FC-uk: ...OK, Bob. Much like Mahir and the the 'All Your Base' phenomenom, your fame is due to the internet. People think they know what you're like inside without getting to know the real you. Does that bother you? Bob Goatse: It's a bit of a stretch, I'll admit. I feel I've put more work into my reputation than the others. Opened myself up more, you know. FC-uk: The others? Bob Goatse: Mahir - I mean, all he had to do was scan in a couple cheesy photos, put some silly greeting on his site, and he's doing ads for IBM. All your base - like, where did that come from? FC-uk: So that bothers you? Bob Goatse: Do you see me doing ads for IBM? FC-uk: Well, no, but... Bob Goatse: Or Microsoft? 'Suddenly everything fits'? FC-uk: You've got to admit there's a certain niche appeal in what you do. Have you explored the idea of sponsorship or publicity? Bob Goatse: The genie's out of the bottle now, son. You have a skill, and then before you can take a breath it's been circulated all the way across the world. Let me tell you - I go to talent scouts, theatrical agents, and I tell them my name. Know what they say? FC-uk: Ah, no. Bob Goatse: They laugh. They say 'we've seen that already, thanks'. Then they hang up. FC-uk: So, what's next then? Bob Goatse: I had a Vegas tour arranged before the pictures got out. Vegas, for Chrissake. 'The Amazing Goatse and his Magical Secret Pocket' - had the flyers and everything. That's gone. FC-uk: I heard you worked as a drug mule for a while? Bob Goatse: Who told you that? Why do you think I'm living on the frigging Christmas Islands now, huh? Two trips from Columbia and I've flooded the market. The price of cocaine in the entire state of Ohio dropped to half because they didn't realise how much I could carry. The drug barons want to put a cap in my ass now. FC-uk: To limit it? Bob Goatse: No, I mean they want to kill me. They weren't happy. FC-uk: OK, moving on. Tell us some more about Bob Goatse. Is there a Mrs Goatse? Bob Goatse: There is. We've been together ten years now. FC-uk: And how does she feel about you? Bob Goatse: Carefully, with a lot of lube. FC-uk: No, I meant, uh, Bob Goatse: Oh, I getcha! She loves the fame, but it's kinda 'through a glass darkly'. I mean, she says 'my husbands a star - he's Bob Goatse' and if people don't already know us, they say 'Yeah? Prove it', so I do. And they don't come round any more. FC-uk: So tell us some more about those photographs. How did it happen? Bob Goatse: Allergy FC-uk: Sorry? Bob Goatse: I've got an allergy to poppy seeds. Fc-uk: Is it serious? Bob Goatse: Not really. It only seriously affects a band of flesh about six inches long. FC-uk: Where? Bob Goatse: You've seen the photos. Where do you think? It began one night when we'd been out for a meal. I came home, and I itched. All over. So I got out of my clothes and started scratching. Gwen (that's Mrs Goatse) thought this was hilarious, and she began taking pictures of me in the lounge, scratching like an ape with fleas. We'd just bought a digital camera, see, and she figured this was a great joke. FC-uk: And then what happened? Bob Goatse: The itching got worse. Just in one place. Gwen's taking pictures, we've had a bit too much to drink, and it's driving me mad. I turn to her and I say - 'Look, hon, it's really stinging - can you see anything?' FC-uk: What did she say? Bob Goatse: She said it was echoing. So then she took a picture - that's the one everyone sees. FC-uk: But there's a series, aren't there? Bob Goatse: Kinda. Gwen's taking shots and laughing and I've had too much to drink and I'm trying anything I can get my hands on to stop the itching, and we end up taking forty or so pictures. By the time I'm done I've almost tried to get a back-scratcher there to stop the itching. FC-uk: And then what? Bob Goatse: See, there's the funny thing. It just went. Gone. No more itching. Sure, I'm RAW, I mean I've tried everything to stop the itching inside, but it's gone. So me and Gwen go to bed and sleep off too many bottles of red wine. FC-uk: Why did you release the pictures? Bob Goatse: We didn't release the pictures. We got burgled. Fc-uk: And the camera? Bob Goatse: Taken. We didn't tell the cops - how are we to say 'Well officer, you'll know it's ours because there's pictures of my ass in the card. Here's what it looks like so you'll know when you get it.' Gwen figured we should just write it off. FC-uk: So when the pictures arrived? Bob Goatse: That was the Stile Project. Made me into a star overnight. Gwen saw them first and thought it was funny. I realised pretty quick that someone in one of the major cartels was going to recognise my butt - it's not like we're all built for that kind of capacity. So it was time to move on. FC-uk: You were trying to hide? Bob Goatse: Something like that. You know how hard it is to hide when you're an icon? There's pictures of me all over the world, you know. Hell, there's even a 'net shrine to me hosted in Spain of all places. Home of the Inquisition becomes host to a church of butt-worshippers. Who makes this up? FC-uk: But we don't see your face, do we? Bob Goatse: Hell, no. But if you want to - where's the issue? I mean, you get a coupla Columbians in sharp suits waving 'that' picture around saying 'We want to see his face', people say 'You want help'. You get hundreds of geeks across the world saying 'What does Bob Goatse look like from the front', it's a joke. Sorta like 'Where's Waldo?' but for the very sick in the head. FC-uk: But why's it an issue? Bob Goatse: Hey, Sherlock - they might not all be geeks, might they? Christ, the chat rooms are fulla middle-aged Feds pretending to be 12-year-old girls, why can't you have a coupla pissed-off guys from a Columbian cartel pretending to be teenagers wanting to know what Bob Goatse looks like? FC-uk: So you've tried to stay anonymous? Bob Goatse: Yeah, right. Y'know, it's like God wants me in the spotlight. Put it this way - fall 2000 we go do a bit of sightseeing in NYC. Take in the tourist places, all of that. Gwen takes a shot of me on the observation deck - and when we get it back, it's like wow! There's me in the right of the picture, and there's New York behind me. Great shot. We bought a new camera, see? Bastards. FC-uk: What's the problem? Bob Goatse: September 18th, I check out one of the bulletin boards and see the picture again. There's me - hat and glasses so my friends in Medellin won't recognise me - and someone's pasted a plane into the background. Next thing I know, I'm all over the friggin' 'net. Bob Goatse tries to hide and they latch on to me and make me into another freakin' joke, for Christ's sake. Don't get your pictures developed at Boots, that what I say. FC-uk: You mean the 'Tourist of Death' pictures? Bob Goatse: Oh, and thank you very much for making my day. You know how good it feels to be called that when you've got Escobar's little helpers looking for you day and night? FC-uk: OK, the WTC guy. Bob Goatse: That's better. FC-uk: So what's next on the horizon for you, Bob? Bob Goatse: I've finally found an agent, so we're going to go into merchandising. GoatseGoods.com - that's the plan. FC-uk: What sort of merchandising? Bob Goatse: Novelty items. Mousemats, t-shirts, that kind of thing. We're working on an icon set for windows at the moment - your trashcan becomes 'that' picture. Latest idea - an inflatable 'Bob Butt' to fit over your real wastebin in the office. Those basketball nets are an old idea - this'll give it a new bit of life. There's talk of a whole range of clothes - like if Heidi Fleiss can do it, then I can: 'red cavern outerwear - cover yourself!'. FC-uk: Any other plans? Bob Goatse: That's enough for now, don't you think? FC- uk: There's been some talk of a career in adult films, for example? Bob Goatse: You can stick that right up your.... Anyway, Gwen won't allow it. She doesn't want me going near another camera for a while. Same with the Jim Rose Circus. I'm just too distinctive now, that's the problem. FC-uk: We understand. Thanks for your time, Mr Goatse. Bob Goatse: Bob. It's been a pleasure.

01-19-2004, 05:56 PM	#35
vanilla Minion of Satan Posts: 9,812	this thread is totally fucked up

01-19-2004, 07:49 PM	#37
spfreak Apocalyptic Poster Location: Toronto Posts: 1,401	ur an idiot if u think thats not his butthole

01-19-2004, 09:50 PM	#39
Mason R Butler walks among us Location: MNUSA Posts: 7,768	I like how this made you guys look at Goatse and ponder, if just for a second, what you were really seeing.