Any idea what this means?

[barden]

I’d be impressed if you do.

The translation is pretty amusing. At work, these are the kind of pamphlets they have me make. Sometimes it makes me feel dirty:
This is Zulu, by the way. If interested, I also have translations in Afrikaans and Sotho.

UKUHLOLWA KWESIDODA:

* QIKELELA UKUBHUKHA ELEBHU OZOYA KUYO.
* KUHLOLWA NGOMSOMBULUKO KUYA KULWESIHLANU (NGAPHANDLE KWAMAHOLIDE).
* INANI LEMALI EKHOKHWAYO LITHOLAKALA KO-SISTA
* ISIDODA UNGASIKHIPA ELEBHU (UMA INDAWO IKHONA) NOMA EKHAYA.

IMIYALELO YESIGULI
Yinye kuphela indlela evumelekile yokuthatha isidoda.

Ukushaya indlwabu bese ukhiphela isidoda ebhodleleni elifanale elitholakala elebhu.

Isidoda esikhishelwe kwikhondomu asivumelekile.

Ukuphazamisa ukulala nowesifazane bese ukhipha isidoda akuvumelekile.

Ungalali nowesifazane izinsuku ezintathu kuya kwezine ngaphambi kukukhipha isidoda

Kumele ugcwalise ifomu ebizwa ngokuthi “instructions to the patient for sperm analysis” uma kumele uhlolelwe nokuthola abantwana.
Lefomu itholakala khona elebhu.

Kufanele uhlambe izandla kanye nomngaphambili ngamanzi nensipho phambi kokushaya indlwabu.

ZIMBILI IZINHLOBO ZOKUHLOLWA

A. UKUHLOLA KABANZI:
LAPHO KUHLOLWA KHONA:
* UKUBUKEKA
* INANI
* UKUPHILA
* UKUNYAKAZA
* UKUQONDA PHAMBILI
* I KREMER TEST
* AMAGCIWANE
* INANI LAMA-SPERM APHILAYO
* UKUKHUBAZEKA KWAMA-SPERM
* AMA-CELLS

LOKUHLOLWA KWENZIWA KULAMA LEBHU ALANDELAYO:
RICHMOND (011) 358-0836/7
POTCHEFSTROOM (018) 297-6004/5
DURBAN (031) 309-5210

B. UKUHLOLWA OKWEJWAYELEKILE:
LAPHO KUHLOLWA KHONA:
* UKUBUKEKA
* INANI
* UKUPHILA
* UKUNYAKAZA
* UKUQONDA PHAMBILI
* INANI LAMA-SPERM APHILAYO
* UKUKHUBAZEKA KWAMASPERMS
* AMA-CELLS

BHUKHA ELEBHU ESEDUZE NAWE. (PHENYA NGEMUVA UBONE UHLA KWAMALEBHU)

C. UKUHLANJWA KWESIDODA:

QIKELELA UKUBHUKHA E-RICHMOND SISTERS (011) 358-0000

[barden]

The translation:

SEMEN ANALYSIS:

* BOOKING AT RELEVANT LABORATORY ESSENTIAL.
* TESTS ARE PERFORMED MONDAYS TO FRIDAYS (EXCLUDING PUBLIC
HOLIDAYS)
* PRICE: AVAILABLE FROM SISTERS (CASH)
* SPECIMENS MAY BE PRODUCED AT THE RELEVANT LABORATORY (IF
FACILITIES ARE AVAILABLE) OR AT HOME.

INSTRUCTIONS TO THE PATIENT:

The only acceptable means of collection is a masturbation specimen into a sterile container. Condom collection or coitus interruptus is not acceptable.

- the patient should abstain from intercourse for 3 - 4 days.
- ask the patient to fill in the questionnaire "Instructions to Patients for sperm analysis" if a fertility
analysis is requested - available at laboratory
- the patient should be instructed to wash his hands and penis with soap and water prior to
Masturbation.

TWO PROFILES AVAILABLE:


A. EXTENDED ANALYSIS :
*******s:
* PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
* COUNT
* VIABILITY
* MOTILITY
* PROGRESSIVE MOVEMENT
* KREMER TEST
* SEMEN CULTURE
* SPERM MORPHOLOGY (% Normal forms)
* ABNORMAL HEADS & OTHER ABNORMALITIES
* CELLS

PERFORMED AT FOLLOWING LABORATORIES:

RICHMOND (011) 358-0836/7
POTCHEFSTROOM (018) 297-6004/5
DURBAN (031) 309-5210

B. ROUTINE ANALYSIS:
*******s:
* PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
* COUNT
* VIABILITY
* MOTILITY
* PROGRESSIVE MOVEMENT
* SPERM MORPHOLOGY (% Normal forms)
* ABNORMAL HEADS & OTHER ABNORMALITIES
* CELLS

BOOK AT LOCAL LAB DEPOT (LIST ON BACK OF PAGE)

C. SEMEN WASHES:

BOOKING AT RICHMOND SISTERS ESSENTIAL (011) 358-0000

[Axis of Action]

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha!



goddammit you added a translation. thanks for ruining my joke. sigh.

[barden]

Pretend I didn't.

Tell the joke anyway.