Isn't it about time we stopped doing all this Santa bullshit?

sickbadthing · 12-01-2003, 09:14 PM

How old were you when you knew Santa wasn't real? I can't even remember now. I think I was maybe 5 or 4. Shouldn't we just stop doing this stupid crap all together? I know it's pretty fun fucking with little kids' heads. That is a tough one for me, but I think I would get carried away with telling my kid about all the spiders he/she was going to get in their stocking because Santa KNOWS that they've been bad in one way or another and it's not up to me to tell Santa they've been nice because Santa knows like God knows you've been bad and I'm pretty sure Santa knows about the shit you haven't been telling me and Santa called me on his cell phone from the North Pole and he told me that you're definitely on the NAUGHTY list. He also said that he ran out of coal and he's started using Black Widow spiders instead. You sure as hell better not get bit by the spiders on Christmas day because the hospitals are closed and you will surely DIE so stick your hands in those stockings slowly on Christmas day becasue I don't want to have to bury you on a day of relaxation.

Even thought that would be fun, I don't want to do that to my kids. Instead, I want to destroy the Santa myth. It will soon be 2004 and I don't see any reason to go on with this stupid myth. It doesn't help children. It shows them a bad example because they're getting shit for doing nothing. Yeah, yeah it's all about giving. Whatever. Even more reason to get rid of Kris Kringle. I for one am not going to tell my kids that magical red suited Mr. Red Nosed Fat Pig from the North Pole flies with his overworked midget reindeer, lands on our roof and somehow gets into the house and then drops off presents. OH YAY. Fuck that. I want my kids to tell all the other kids on the block and at school that there is no Santa. I don't care if the other parents come to me and yell at me and threaten to blow up my car. It will be worth it to me to destroy the myth. If the myth is destroyed then maybe I won't have to watch so many bad goddamn TV shows during the holiday season. Haven't we all seen those kinds of shows enough? Is there really any new spin that can be put on the whole Christmas saga that hasn't been done a million fucking times before? Shouldn't we go back in time and kill Frank Capra's parents so that he wouldn't be conceived and we wouldn't have to see Jimmy Stewart act like a big dildo once again on station 21 at Noon, 3pm, 7pm, 10pm and Midnight every fucking day in December every fucking year?

I don't have a problem with people giving each other gifts. Think about all the other bad stuff that comes along with the holidays though:

Family gatherings where something fucked up is going on with one or more of the family members and due to the highly liquored egg nog, they all get to spend Christmas in jail because uncle Jimmy giving aunt Loretta those fancy earrings was the last straw for uncle Bobby (Loretta's husband) so uncle Bobby had to show uncle Jimmy what the bottom of his new Martha Stewart frying pan looks like "way up close-like" thus causing aunt Loretta to fire her .22 through the ceiling of the trailer to calm the boys down. Merry Christmas, inmates.
Countless stories of yokels burning their homes down because they bought a Christmas tree and that was that and they didn't water it and the high voltage lights meant only for visibility from high altitudes were left on all night WHOOO-EEEE doggone it they burned down their goddamn house and the local news has to do a sob story on these morons and people are actually giving money to these people. It's like they won the idiot lottery.
REMEMBER THAT CHRISTMAS PARTY WE WENT TO LAST NIGHT? YEAH WELL I DON'T AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY CAR BUT I DO KNOW THAT I'M IN JAIL AND THE COPS ARE TELLING ME THAT YOU MUST HAVE RUN FROM THE SCENE AFTER I DROVE INTO THAT PET STORE. THANKS FOR MIXING MY DRINKS AND HANDING ME MY KEYS TO TAKE YOU HOME BITCH. THE DEAD IGUANAS I PLOWED THROUGH ARE ON YOUR CONSCIENCE, NOT MINE YOU STUPID WHORE.

These are only a few of the reasons that the Santa myth should be destroyed and eventually outlawed. I am thinking of a better world where people never even mention the name "Santa" without at least being cited and given a ticket. Once the Santa myth is removed from society, then we can progress and work on destroying all of the other bad elements of Christmas such as company parties and people singing. Studies have already shown that Christmas music causes severe brain damage. I know from my own experience as a child singing Christmas songs that I can no longer tell the different between a circle and a square. Much to my horror, I found out 15 years later that this was due to singing "Silent Night" with my 4th grade class in the mall (as if it wasn't humiliating enough).

I hope that we can all agree that the destruction of Santa is not only going to help children, but it will help everyone in the long run. You can still get your kids crappy toys that they'll break in a week. You can still give your 3-year-old a Choke Me Elmo just as long as you don't say it's from Santa. Tell them this is from me, the PARENT because I pay the fucking bills around here and I was hoping this stupid muppet might keep you quiet long enough to keep my marbles so I don't have to drive 400 miles out into the wilderness and leave your ass out there to fend for yourself and live with the wolves. GOT THAT KID? YOU DON'T WANT TO BE KNOWN AS WOLF-BOY DO YOU?

Nimrod's Son · 12-01-2003, 09:19 PM

I think it would be better to tell kids that Santa got AIDS and died. Oh, and blame homosexuals for it.

alisonmonster · 12-01-2003, 09:29 PM

"santas one of those things you tell your kids to make them feel better like the easter bunny or jesus."

jczeroman · 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ******
It was a pagan holiday celebrating the Winter Solstice.

Yes. In fact, Jesus was likely born in september. The Catholic Church, seeking to gain dominance over the other religions in the Roman Empire superimposed 'christian' institutions upon already pagan festivities.

This doesn't mean that christmas cannot be celebrated as a christian holiday -- many christians still participate in all the pagan/secular festivities (trees, lights, presents, holly, and so on...). I personally don't celebrate christmas whatsoever (wxcept the quasi-obligitory familial burdens imposed on me by years of tradition).

Now, I don't think anyone would actually debate that Jesus did not exist, and if they so want to, then the burden of proof is on them.

sickbadthing · 12-01-2003, 10:51 PM

WHEN DID I MENTION JESUS IN ALL OF THIS THREAD??? THIS IS NOT A JESUS THREAD.

Thread will self destruct soon if there is anymore talk about Jesus.

jczeroman · 12-01-2003, 10:53 PM

Anyways, what I wanted to say before all this Christmas/Jesus nonesense is that there are 2 too many secret santa threads stickied at the top of this forum.

Nimrod's Son · 12-01-2003, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jczeroman
Anyways, what I wanted to say before all this Christmas/Jesus nonesense is that there are 2 too many secret santa threads stickied at the top of this forum.

We should make a secret Jesus thread.

jczeroman · 12-01-2003, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nimrod's Son
We should make a secret Jesus thread.

he he he.. alright, what are the conditions? What does he bring us -- baby piss?

Nimrod's Son · 12-01-2003, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jczeroman

he he he.. alright, what are the conditions? What does he bring us -- baby piss?

We send each other gold, frankincense, and myhr.

Junebug · 12-01-2003, 11:01 PM

Santa is great. It's nice to believe for a while that there's a really nice chubby guy living at the North Pole who eats cookies and gives you what you want for christmas

. That being said i've always wanted to celebrate festivus. but i don't know how.

Vulva · 12-02-2003, 12:58 AM

Santa's not real

Toast · 12-02-2003, 02:14 AM

I don't think there is anything wrong with a little fairy tale. I beleived in Santa when I was little and I turned out ok. But if he/she doesn't figure out that Santa isn't real by the age of 8, then you'll know you have a stupid kid.

12-01-2003, 09:14 PM	#1
sickbadthing Out fart the hottie! Location: I have super gonorrhoea Posts: 24,316	Isn't it about time we stopped doing all this Santa bullshit? How old were you when you knew Santa wasn't real? I can't even remember now. I think I was maybe 5 or 4. Shouldn't we just stop doing this stupid crap all together? I know it's pretty fun fucking with little kids' heads. That is a tough one for me, but I think I would get carried away with telling my kid about all the spiders he/she was going to get in their stocking because Santa KNOWS that they've been bad in one way or another and it's not up to me to tell Santa they've been nice because Santa knows like God knows you've been bad and I'm pretty sure Santa knows about the shit you haven't been telling me and Santa called me on his cell phone from the North Pole and he told me that you're definitely on the NAUGHTY list. He also said that he ran out of coal and he's started using Black Widow spiders instead. You sure as hell better not get bit by the spiders on Christmas day because the hospitals are closed and you will surely DIE so stick your hands in those stockings slowly on Christmas day becasue I don't want to have to bury you on a day of relaxation. Even thought that would be fun, I don't want to do that to my kids. Instead, I want to destroy the Santa myth. It will soon be 2004 and I don't see any reason to go on with this stupid myth. It doesn't help children. It shows them a bad example because they're getting shit for doing nothing. Yeah, yeah it's all about giving. Whatever. Even more reason to get rid of Kris Kringle. I for one am not going to tell my kids that magical red suited Mr. Red Nosed Fat Pig from the North Pole flies with his overworked midget reindeer, lands on our roof and somehow gets into the house and then drops off presents. OH YAY. Fuck that. I want my kids to tell all the other kids on the block and at school that there is no Santa. I don't care if the other parents come to me and yell at me and threaten to blow up my car. It will be worth it to me to destroy the myth. If the myth is destroyed then maybe I won't have to watch so many bad goddamn TV shows during the holiday season. Haven't we all seen those kinds of shows enough? Is there really any new spin that can be put on the whole Christmas saga that hasn't been done a million fucking times before? Shouldn't we go back in time and kill Frank Capra's parents so that he wouldn't be conceived and we wouldn't have to see Jimmy Stewart act like a big dildo once again on station 21 at Noon, 3pm, 7pm, 10pm and Midnight every fucking day in December every fucking year? I don't have a problem with people giving each other gifts. Think about all the other bad stuff that comes along with the holidays though: Family gatherings where something fucked up is going on with one or more of the family members and due to the highly liquored egg nog, they all get to spend Christmas in jail because uncle Jimmy giving aunt Loretta those fancy earrings was the last straw for uncle Bobby (Loretta's husband) so uncle Bobby had to show uncle Jimmy what the bottom of his new Martha Stewart frying pan looks like "way up close-like" thus causing aunt Loretta to fire her .22 through the ceiling of the trailer to calm the boys down. Merry Christmas, inmates. Countless stories of yokels burning their homes down because they bought a Christmas tree and that was that and they didn't water it and the high voltage lights meant only for visibility from high altitudes were left on all night WHOOO-EEEE doggone it they burned down their goddamn house and the local news has to do a sob story on these morons and people are actually giving money to these people. It's like they won the idiot lottery. REMEMBER THAT CHRISTMAS PARTY WE WENT TO LAST NIGHT? YEAH WELL I DON'T AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY CAR BUT I DO KNOW THAT I'M IN JAIL AND THE COPS ARE TELLING ME THAT YOU MUST HAVE RUN FROM THE SCENE AFTER I DROVE INTO THAT PET STORE. THANKS FOR MIXING MY DRINKS AND HANDING ME MY KEYS TO TAKE YOU HOME BITCH. THE DEAD IGUANAS I PLOWED THROUGH ARE ON YOUR CONSCIENCE, NOT MINE YOU STUPID WHORE. These are only a few of the reasons that the Santa myth should be destroyed and eventually outlawed. I am thinking of a better world where people never even mention the name "Santa" without at least being cited and given a ticket. Once the Santa myth is removed from society, then we can progress and work on destroying all of the other bad elements of Christmas such as company parties and people singing. Studies have already shown that Christmas music causes severe brain damage. I know from my own experience as a child singing Christmas songs that I can no longer tell the different between a circle and a square. Much to my horror, I found out 15 years later that this was due to singing "Silent Night" with my 4th grade class in the mall (as if it wasn't humiliating enough). I hope that we can all agree that the destruction of Santa is not only going to help children, but it will help everyone in the long run. You can still get your kids crappy toys that they'll break in a week. You can still give your 3-year-old a Choke Me Elmo just as long as you don't say it's from Santa. Tell them this is from me, the PARENT because I pay the fucking bills around here and I was hoping this stupid muppet might keep you quiet long enough to keep my marbles so I don't have to drive 400 miles out into the wilderness and leave your ass out there to fend for yourself and live with the wolves. GOT THAT KID? YOU DON'T WANT TO BE KNOWN AS WOLF-BOY DO YOU?

12-01-2003, 09:19 PM	#2
Nimrod's Son Master of Karate and Friendship Location: in your butt Posts: 72,943	I think it would be better to tell kids that Santa got AIDS and died. Oh, and blame homosexuals for it. __________________ - Nimrod's Son: Problem Solver!

12-01-2003, 09:29 PM	#3
alisonmonster Minion of Satan Location: gasoline alley Posts: 9,019	"santas one of those things you tell your kids to make them feel better like the easter bunny or jesus."

12-01-2003, 10:51 PM	#5
sickbadthing Out fart the hottie! Location: I have super gonorrhoea Posts: 24,316	WHEN DID I MENTION JESUS IN ALL OF THIS THREAD??? THIS IS NOT A JESUS THREAD. Thread will self destruct soon if there is anymore talk about Jesus.

12-01-2003, 10:53 PM	#6
jczeroman Socialphobic Location: In my house. Posts: 14,465	Anyways, what I wanted to say before all this Christmas/Jesus nonesense is that there are 2 too many secret santa threads stickied at the top of this forum.

12-01-2003, 11:01 PM	#10
Junebug Minion of Satan Posts: 7,072	Santa is great. It's nice to believe for a while that there's a really nice chubby guy living at the North Pole who eats cookies and gives you what you want for christmas . That being said i've always wanted to celebrate festivus. but i don't know how.

12-02-2003, 12:58 AM	#11
Vulva Apocalyptic Poster Location: Bush Country Posts: 1,952	Santa's not real

12-02-2003, 02:14 AM	#12
Toast Apocalyptic Poster Location: Woodinville, Wa. Posts: 3,193	I don't think there is anything wrong with a little fairy tale. I beleived in Santa when I was little and I turned out ok. But if he/she doesn't figure out that Santa isn't real by the age of 8, then you'll know you have a stupid kid.