Stupid personal question

Lie · 11-03-2002, 06:26 AM

When your friends start to annoy you...like when you realize how pathetic they are, but you still care about them and realize that these little things are just quirks that have worn themselves to the extreme, and that shouldn't have any effect on the way you interact, but they just wear on you? Like you still like them and have fun talking to them but you just want to call them on all their weaknesses and tell them how petty and dumb they're being but for no good reason other than the fact that these things annoy you but you know that calling them on these things would just hurt them to the point where they wouldn't know what to do? Just about every friendship I've ever had has ended because of something like this, and it seems so stupid. If someone has some insight on this, please share.

BlueStar · 11-03-2002, 06:31 AM

Hmmm... Almost seems like maybe you just need a break from them. And maybe you need to re-examine your friendships...maybe these friends aren't really as fun and great as you think they are. Or maybe it is something that is going on with you...maybe there is something happening with you that is making you more aware of/more bothered by your friends' quirks. I don't know...I'm just rambling.

Lie · 11-03-2002, 06:31 AM

I didn't say anyone had to be perfect. Hey, this is my first attempt at truly venting on Netphoria. Be gentle. I just meant...hmm, have you ever been friends with someone who's manic depressive? Sometimes it's like being sucked into a black hole. No offense to any of you bipolar folk out there.

Irrelevant · 11-03-2002, 06:31 AM

i can't help you there, i never cared about any of my very few friends after my best friend from middle school decided to be a cool guy instead of hang out with me. and now i don't really have any.

Lie · 11-03-2002, 06:32 AM

Yeah, venting on Netphoria isn't all it's cracked up to be. If I keep it up I may get myself in trouble.

twice · 11-03-2002, 06:35 AM

I've been in this situation one too many times....it's purely from spending too much time with them. Take a break. It's worked for me in some cases; in others, I just realized that I've just grown and they haven't; or vise versa.

Lie · 11-03-2002, 06:41 AM

Yeah, but see, I don't even spend time with her. She lives eight hours away from me now. I don't even talk to her on the phone that often. I think that's part of the problem. It's like because we don't talk as often anymore, she's stopped wanting my honest opinion on situations, and she just rambles about "brilliant ideas" she has and I don't have the heart to tell her they're dumb. And I cannot talk to her about music casually because she gets very defensive about her tastes. It kills me that we can't even talk about something like that without things getting all tense. She's very concerned about what other people think of her (including me), and I feel like she doesn't trust me as much anymore. She's been harder and harder to joke around with lately because of that.

twice · 11-03-2002, 06:54 AM

Hmm....I think you yourself know that you both have just grown apart, for various reasons.

If I were you, I would probably just keep the friendship as it is and deal with my feelings towards the situation by just accepting that people grow at different levels, and some friendships should be left to be good memories in your mind. I don't like fucking with ruining a friendship by carrying it out to a point where you don't care about eachother anymore and are left wondering why you can't be the same way you used to be. It's nice to appreciate it for what it was during that period of your life, and to have the ability to call the person every once in a while..being fully aware that both parties understand that time has it's effect on people and relationships.

But...if you don't think that's the case, perhaps you should try to just be honest with her. Tell her in a way you feel comfortable what you just told us...if you fail to say anything it's going to be bothering you for as long as you let it, and the more you hide it from her the more you will feed it's importance to you.

Lie · 11-03-2002, 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by twice
Hmm....I think you yourself know that you both have just grown apart, for various reasons.

If I were you, I would probably just keep the friendship as it is and deal with my feelings towards the situation by just accepting that people grow at different levels, and some friendships should be left to be good memories in your mind. I don't like fucking with ruining a friendship by carrying it out to a point where you don't care about eachother anymore and are left wondering why you can't be the same way you used to be. It's nice to appreciate it for what it was during that period of your life, and to have the ability to call the person every once in a while..being fully aware that both parties understand that time has it's effect on people and relationships.

But...if you don't think that's the case, perhaps you should try to just be honest with her. Tell her in a way you feel comfortable what you just told us...if you fail to say anything it's going to be bothering you for as long as you let it, and the more you hide it from her the more you will feed it's importance to you.

I know that's true. And I'm talking to her right now about that. I mean, she knows that she likes to make up her own little world sometimes because things are really bad for her right now. It's just that our friendship is kind of unbalanced because she's had so many crises lately, and is basically just unloading on me. And she even knows she does that and says she feels bad about it. And she's worth it and our friendship hasn't really weakened. It's just that I have to be very patient and sometimes that gets to me.

DeviousJ · 11-03-2002, 12:22 PM

It sounds a little like you've grown apart, but only to the point where you're kind of wary of each other - being cautious and trying not to offend each other instead of being honest and allowing her to 'get' what you mean herself. Maybe your relationship has become too focused on a couple of issues, and it's not as rounded as it once was? You should get out and do some fun stuff with her - share some experiences etc

beef curtains · 11-03-2002, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lie
When your friends start to annoy you...like when you realize how pathetic they are, but you still care about them and realize that these little things are just quirks that have worn themselves to the extreme, and that shouldn't have any effect on the way you interact, but they just wear on you? Like you still like them and have fun talking to them but you just want to call them on all their weaknesses and tell them how petty and dumb they're being but for no good reason other than the fact that these things annoy you but you know that calling them on these things would just hurt them to the point where they wouldn't know what to do? Just about every friendship I've ever had has ended because of something like this, and it seems so stupid. If someone has some insight on this, please share.

I Think it depends on what you're trying to call them on..... Perfect example of this, I have a friend named Suzy (dave can vouch for her oddities), how undoubtedly is one of the most selfish loud people on the earth. She is completely unable to tell how others are feeling, and that combined with extreme self-confidence makes her seem like a shallow self-centered bitch.

She grates on my nerves, she belittles me, she's not respective of my feelings.....yet she's the first person to ask what's wrong, and try to understand and say she misses me. Her entire deal is this. Somehow she's never learned to see the world from another person's point of view. EVER. or even sympathize or comprehend that other people feel different things than Suzy.
She's 21 years of age. Far be it for me to explain the ways of the world to her....she simply doesn't understand. And that's how she is.

My advice to you would be, assess whether its something you can tell them....if they're manic depressive, and that's your issue w/ them, either choose to call them on it or not.
I've changed my friendship with Suzy, realizing her faults. She's better one on one, and in certain situations....I do not enter competetive situations, or group situations etc.... b/c it brings out the sides of her that make me extremely angry towards her.
I take her for what she is with a grain of salt.....

If any of that makes sense

Samsa · 11-03-2002, 05:29 PM

i have never been able to hold onto friends for precisely this reason. well not precisely this reason. that's part of it though.

11-03-2002, 06:26 AM	#1
Lie Socialphobic Location: Goin' out West where they'll appreciate me Posts: 10,001	Stupid personal question When your friends start to annoy you...like when you realize how pathetic they are, but you still care about them and realize that these little things are just quirks that have worn themselves to the extreme, and that shouldn't have any effect on the way you interact, but they just wear on you? Like you still like them and have fun talking to them but you just want to call them on all their weaknesses and tell them how petty and dumb they're being but for no good reason other than the fact that these things annoy you but you know that calling them on these things would just hurt them to the point where they wouldn't know what to do? Just about every friendship I've ever had has ended because of something like this, and it seems so stupid. If someone has some insight on this, please share.

11-03-2002, 06:31 AM	#2
BlueStar Newly independent Location: Some state's capitol building Posts: 7,242	Hmmm... Almost seems like maybe you just need a break from them. And maybe you need to re-examine your friendships...maybe these friends aren't really as fun and great as you think they are. Or maybe it is something that is going on with you...maybe there is something happening with you that is making you more aware of/more bothered by your friends' quirks. I don't know...I'm just rambling. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

11-03-2002, 06:31 AM	#4
Irrelevant Minion of Satan Location: kitties Posts: 6,842	i can't help you there, i never cared about any of my very few friends after my best friend from middle school decided to be a cool guy instead of hang out with me. and now i don't really have any.

11-03-2002, 06:32 AM	#5
Lie Socialphobic Location: Goin' out West where they'll appreciate me Posts: 10,001	Yeah, venting on Netphoria isn't all it's cracked up to be. If I keep it up I may get myself in trouble.

11-03-2002, 06:35 AM	#6
twice Socialphobic Location: kitty in the middle Posts: 10,183	I've been in this situation one too many times....it's purely from spending too much time with them. Take a break. It's worked for me in some cases; in others, I just realized that I've just grown and they haven't; or vise versa.

11-03-2002, 06:41 AM	#7
Lie Socialphobic Location: Goin' out West where they'll appreciate me Posts: 10,001	Yeah, but see, I don't even spend time with her. She lives eight hours away from me now. I don't even talk to her on the phone that often. I think that's part of the problem. It's like because we don't talk as often anymore, she's stopped wanting my honest opinion on situations, and she just rambles about "brilliant ideas" she has and I don't have the heart to tell her they're dumb. And I cannot talk to her about music casually because she gets very defensive about her tastes. It kills me that we can't even talk about something like that without things getting all tense. She's very concerned about what other people think of her (including me), and I feel like she doesn't trust me as much anymore. She's been harder and harder to joke around with lately because of that.

11-03-2002, 06:54 AM	#8
twice Socialphobic Location: kitty in the middle Posts: 10,183	Hmm....I think you yourself know that you both have just grown apart, for various reasons. If I were you, I would probably just keep the friendship as it is and deal with my feelings towards the situation by just accepting that people grow at different levels, and some friendships should be left to be good memories in your mind. I don't like fucking with ruining a friendship by carrying it out to a point where you don't care about eachother anymore and are left wondering why you can't be the same way you used to be. It's nice to appreciate it for what it was during that period of your life, and to have the ability to call the person every once in a while..being fully aware that both parties understand that time has it's effect on people and relationships. But...if you don't think that's the case, perhaps you should try to just be honest with her. Tell her in a way you feel comfortable what you just told us...if you fail to say anything it's going to be bothering you for as long as you let it, and the more you hide it from her the more you will feed it's importance to you.

11-03-2002, 12:22 PM	#10
DeviousJ CORNFROST Location: GUREITO DESU YO Posts: 24,891	It sounds a little like you've grown apart, but only to the point where you're kind of wary of each other - being cautious and trying not to offend each other instead of being honest and allowing her to 'get' what you mean herself. Maybe your relationship has become too focused on a couple of issues, and it's not as rounded as it once was? You should get out and do some fun stuff with her - share some experiences etc

11-03-2002, 05:29 PM	#12
Samsa Banned Location: A theater near you Posts: 7,929	i have never been able to hold onto friends for precisely this reason. well not precisely this reason. that's part of it though.