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Old 10-07-2019, 01:35 AM   #4861
yo soy el mejor
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DK is a big ol' windbag always waxing poetic with his bad advice and looking at his bellybutton

Last edited by yo soy el mejor : 10-07-2019 at 01:44 AM.

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 02:40 AM   #4862
Disco King
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DK you know you're my pal and stuff

but you sound sort of insane talking about this stuff

i mean what do i know i've been on a handful of dates in the last decade. but for someone who puts a lot of thought into all these aspects of dating, are you even satisfied with your results. like, ever?
Well I mean, despite realizing that results tend to be better when I'm actually more flirtatious and make moves somewhere along the date, due to inertia, I usually revert back to being to shy to act anything other than platonically and not pushing my safe comfort zone.

I actually just had another first date today, during which I barely flirted and didn't make much physical contact, despite knowing I should do those things, because my social-anxiety brain. And this is how most of my dates go, and the results are typically "I didn't feel the spark, let's just be friends." So, like, by default I've already been taking the conventional-wisdom advice I'm being given in this thread, and it hasn't been working, so

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 02:57 AM   #4863
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you say you have social anxiety yet you're clocking like 3 dates a month that is bonkers to me

I have been on dates with less women than you can count on one hand in my adult life

they all turned into something because I wasn't asking out random women at the bus stop who I probably had nothing in common with I guess

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:01 AM   #4864
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It's not about not being invested, it's about being a busy working student who can't afford the time to really see any particular person every single day of the week. I've got assignments. I've got shifts. I've got engagements with friends. Even if I can see you in a couple of days, maybe that specific day doesn't work for her. Instead, she's free tomorrow, but I'm not free tomorrow. My next available opening is next week, but the specific day next week doesn't work for her. Before you know it, it's been two weeks between dates. The people I see are also usually busy working students. This is just how it goes for me. I have no idea how people are able to organize their schedules so that they are seeing a particular person, like, every other day.

I still try to communicate my availability. I respond to all texts and never ghost anyone, despite getting ghosted quite a bit myself. Once I set a date, I rarely flake. I think I'm holding up my end of the investment thing more than most people I see are.
then maybe those other things are more important than dating unless you happen by chance to run into one you're really smitten by

I dunno!

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:08 AM   #4865
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you say you have social anxiety yet you're clocking like 3 dates a month that is bonkers to me
You know how you wait around for a bus for a really long time, and then two come at once? It's kinda like that for me. I go through spells of not getting any dates, and then I'll get with two or three different people in a short time span. It's probably for no other reason than that when something is more-or-less random, so long as you don't have a whole lot of data points, you're actually more likely get clusters instead of an equal distribution, even though our brains anticipate that randomness should be uniform.

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I have been on dates with less women than you can count on one hand in my adult life

they all turned into something because I wasn't asking out random women at the bus stop who I probably had nothing in common with I guess
I've not had any more success with people I've met through mutual friends or anything.

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:11 AM   #4866
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then maybe those other things are more important than dating unless you happen by chance to run into one you're really smitten by

I dunno!
I've felt really smitten with a few people, but not to the extent that I've gone "wow, I would totally flunk out of school and get fired from my job for her," sorry.

Contemplating leaving school to be with a girl in another state sounds more like an Elph thing, anyway

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:13 AM   #4867
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when a woman finally "gets" you and then it ends up not working out you''ll get it

I'll be waiting with widespread sticky Bat arms

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:16 AM   #4868
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so hauntingly tragically beautifully dark

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:19 AM   #4869
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:19 AM   #4870
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so hauntingly tragically beautifully dark
*headbangs*

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:29 AM   #4871
Disco King
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when a woman finally "gets" you and then it ends up not working out you're gonna go full Goth like me
This has happened. Recap of depressed whimsical flower ghost girl:

>Go to electronic DJ thing where everybody is weird middle-aged candy kids, some even wearing those tails and shit
>Spot this one girl who looks like the only person other than me who really doesn't fit in and is wearing all black instead of neon
>Chat with her, get her number, we go on dates
>Have a lot in common, including both being riddled with anxiety and awkwardness and depression
>Find her really funny and cute and fall head over heels; she seems into me, even paying for me on our first date
>End up getting more dates with her than I have with anyone else
>Despite this, always too shy and awkward to really be flirtatious or make any moves
>Only kiss her by the end of the fourth date when she's dropping me off, saying something lame like "I don't know how to go about this because I'm really awkward, but I feel like I should kiss you," kissing her a little bit, and then saying something like "sorry that was bad, probably need more practice" before running into my house out of nervousness and going to bed
>Few days of being ignored later, get the "I don't feel the chemistry" text
>FeelsBadMan.jpg because we were getting along real well and super compatible, and it really feels like it was my awkwardness that killed it because she probably wondered why nothing was happening and reasoned based of this that "we just must not have chemistry"
>Hang out with her as friends a couple times after, have some deep conversations and still feel smitten with her, a little bit of flirting seems to occur
>Get ghosted again
>Call her and find out she's ghosting me because she's seeing somebody new and still feels like there's romantic tension between us and she's confused and doesn't know what to do
>Still really like her, but I also want to respect her earlier decision to break things off and I just want her to be happy, so I don't try to get her back and I make sure that things are more platonic between us by only really inviting her to group things now
>Still feel crushed when she decides to move cities to be with her boyfriend, but don't say anything because WhenYouLoveSomebodyYouMustSetThemFree.jpg
>Female friend says I should tell this girl my feelings and fight to get her to stay, but I feel that would be pushy and disrespectful of her choice


Okay, like, I'm not full goth, just a genre-fluid sadboi, but in the end it's all the same shit

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:31 AM   #4872
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you are a lot more sane than I, I will give you that

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:33 AM   #4873
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The sanity comes from not exclusively listening to post-punk and gothic rock and realizing that heavy metal and shoegaze can also be part of a balanced sadboi diet.

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:34 AM   #4874
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:36 AM   #4875
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but like, I didn't want to move states to be with a girl I saw on four good dates

I was in an exclusive relationship with her for over a year

I dunno!

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:39 AM   #4876
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The sanity comes from not exclusively listening to post-punk and gothic rock and realizing that heavy metal and shoegaze can also be part of a balanced sadboi diet.
I like shoegaze every metal song is too masculine for my sadboi self

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:50 AM   #4877
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but like, I didn't want to move states to be with a girl I saw on four good dates

I was in an exclusive relationship with her for over a year

I dunno!
True, but even that girl I went on four dates with, I was seeing over a period of, like, five months, so it felt a lot more intimate than when you see somebody for four dates but only across a couple of weeks.

It was a combination of both our busyness, and the fact that her depression and other mental-health stuff made it so that she didn't feel up to leaving her house a whole lot and she was kinda a recluse.

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:51 AM   #4878
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post-punk/gothic rock pushed a lot of the tones that would become dream pop and then shoegaze just saying

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:54 AM   #4879
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the idea of trying to make the guitar sound like it was anything but a guitar was expressed in interviews by Daniel Ash of Bauhaus and then later echo'd by Kevin Shields and Co.

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 10:33 AM   #4880
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Well I just had one of the best nights of my life, short of getting laid

I did have a lively conversation with someone at a karaoke bar, who said she was a stripper, and gave me her Instagram, asking me to message her, and said she'd like to go on a date with me.

I also belted out Sabotage by Beastie Boys again. It's been really uplifting getting better and better at performing it, and seeing people responding really well to it.

mAnIa

It's 3am but I promise i will go to bed. I have to be up at 8:30. That's plenty of sleep for me.

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 10:42 AM   #4881
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Oh yes, and before I went out tonight, a comrade in one of my activist circles messaged me out of the blue to basically express admiration for my passion in activism. And that she'd like to meet up some time for coffee, and then said "not in that vein, though". I asked her, kind of knowing the answer but playing dumb, "what vein"? And she said, in the vein of it being anything more than friends, because she is attracted to me and feels chemistry, but she doesn't want to get in a relationship right now. So that was an incredible ego boost. Not that I needed it tho mirite.

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 12:02 PM   #4882
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Originally Posted by Disco King View Post
True, but even that girl I went on four dates with, I was seeing over a period of, like, five months, so it felt a lot more intimate than when you see somebody for four dates but only across a couple of weeks.
somehow this feels inversed to me...

it would feel a lot more intimate to me if i had four dates inside two weeks, because then it's obvious we really like to spend time with each other and can't get enough of it. it's also easier to form a bond over our daily worries, struggles and joys than if we only catch up once every month.

Last edited by myosis : 10-07-2019 at 12:15 PM.

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 12:28 PM   #4883
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Originally Posted by Disco King View Post
It's probably for no other reason than that when something is more-or-less random, so long as you don't have a whole lot of data points, you're actually more likely get clusters instead of an equal distribution, even though our brains anticipate that randomness should be uniform.
If you accelerated women to lightspeed and fired them one at a time through two slits, do you think they'd behave more like particles or waves

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:37 PM   #4884
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good question!

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 10:10 PM   #4885
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the sexism on this board is just unbelievable guys. talking about shooting women through slits. jesus

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 11:00 PM   #4886
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Is discussion of women going through slits not permitted? Did I miss something?

I'll give you points for some old school netphorian MORAL OUTRAGE though

 
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Old 10-07-2019, 11:31 PM   #4887
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Accelerating women to the speed of light isn't really acceptable here. It's strictly prohibited by the laws of physics, as it would require infinite energy and make them infinitely massive (not that I'm body-shaming people with infinite mass).

 
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Old 10-08-2019, 03:08 AM   #4888
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I thought that dating was just something they do in American movies because it's easier than capturing colleagues, classmates, [insert other forms of natural acquaintanceship here] spanning time while things develop at their own pace.

Exposure might be key, here.

 
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Old 10-08-2019, 06:06 AM   #4889
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Sex post: just found out one of my favourite NZ poets was a vile rapist

I think I will just never enjoy art again, it seems easier that way

 
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Old 10-12-2019, 02:14 PM   #4890
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Sex post: just found out one of my favourite NZ poets was a vile rapist

I think I will just never enjoy art again, it seems easier that way
who says a vile rapist cannot be a great poet?

 
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