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Old 08-10-2019, 11:54 AM   #4621
Shallowed
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Old 08-10-2019, 01:00 PM   #4622
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geez reprise I'm sorry you dream those dreams. I think when abuse happens in your formative years and your brain is wiring itself up for life, you basically wire in abuse-related beliefs and behaviours for life and then spend life managing them. but you got it so much worse than anyone I know. So sorry

I'm glad you get to wake up and have the life you have slowly built for yourself fully restored. I hope that feels like an amazing relief...
Thanks, yeah, life is so much better now. I'm actually getting to some deeper work after all this time. I've been with my therapist since 2011 and we're just now really getting there, lol. But I'm trying really hard.


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the worst dream I ever had was soon after my involuntary hospitalisation. I had a lot of bad dreams in that period because of the strong feelings about being physically overpowered and detained against my will.

But the worst one was so bad I lay in a cold sweat before finally plucking up the courage to turn the light on and go outside for a cigarette. I ended up going to talk to a chaplain about it because there was such a feeling of evil in my dream I was scared that the devil had been in it and visited in person (which sounds ridiculous to me now...but at that stage I was still very psychotic)
I'm sorry to hear that. I think I was overpowered before my one involuntary hospitalization (I had lots of voluntary), but I don't remember it. They definitely drugged me and I woke up in a concrete room wearing a hospital gown having no idea where I was. It was some kind of holding tank, there were a few other rooms with other patients and a nursing station in the middle. They wouldn't give me my medicine (non-narcotic psych meds) and it was a good thing I knew my mom's phone number because they would only let me use this one phone to call somebody. Then I got transferred to another hospital and no one came to visit me so I wore one pair of clothes for like 5 days. Fun times.

I had a dream once where I spoke to "the devil" and it told me that I was pure evil and his pawn. This is when I was living with my ex or whatever you want to call him. It was like a 5 minute exhaustion dream because he'd keep me up for a long time and he'd get so pissed off at me if I fell asleep. So I tried not to fall asleep but it still happened.

 
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Old 08-19-2019, 11:42 AM   #4623
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i made a promise to myself to not drink or smoke weed for one month. then we'll see what happens from there.

day 2.

 
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Old 08-19-2019, 01:06 PM   #4624
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I had my first beer yesterday after not drinking for 5 months

 
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Old 08-19-2019, 02:57 PM   #4625
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I just had my first beer after not drinking since last night

 
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Old 08-19-2019, 04:07 PM   #4626
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Old 08-19-2019, 06:28 PM   #4627
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I had my first beer yesterday after not drinking for 5 months
howd that go? ive gone 2 and a half weeks. i think it is easier if i generally just dont drink anything, but i still want to get fucked up every once in awhile.

 
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Old 08-19-2019, 07:05 PM   #4628
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it was fine. bit boring, sometimes.

those 2,5 glasses of beer felt like half a bottle of whiskey though

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 04:06 AM   #4629
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Hi elph
hi man I love you

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 04:19 AM   #4630
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I was out of weed for two days. that kinda sucked

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 04:51 AM   #4631
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cheers

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 05:04 AM   #4632
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I went on a date tonight with someone who is objectively way too attractive for me and she ostensibly had a good time and we're going out again I'm not sure what to think

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 08:15 AM   #4633
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perhaps you were mistaken
in thinking with you she was taken
better get a new pack of crew socks from target
lonely nights ahead

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 10:37 AM   #4634
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define "way too attractive"

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 11:09 AM   #4635
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probs on par with my dad

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 11:27 AM   #4636
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I went on a date tonight with someone who is objectively way too attractive for me and she ostensibly had a good time and we're going out again I'm not sure what to think
I mean, even though I think "leagues don't exist" is just one of those bits of common wisdom parroted by society because it's more pleasant than the truth, if somebody objectively more attractive than you is into you, just roll with it and don't look a gift horse in the mouth. The minute you start going "but WHY are they into me? Am I good enough for them?", it will affect your behaviour and cause you to act in ways that will make them more likely to lose attraction to you, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

These behaviours can include showing unattractive insecurity by showing skepticism about her attraction to you or constantly asking her for reassurance about it, and trying way too hard to keep her by being so supplicating that you no longer look like you have your own self-respect or boundaries.

Just treat her like you'd treat any average-looking person you're into. Respect her, don't be rude, but also don't be afraid to playfully tease her and show that, just like she does, you have criteria you're looking for in a person that they must meet in order for you to be involved in them.

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 12:40 PM   #4637
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wow. very helpful. how old are you, ryan? like, 30 now?

 
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Old 08-20-2019, 01:01 PM   #4638
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You're way too old to still be acting like a member of the Plastics from Mean Girls.

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 01:42 AM   #4639
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Had a pretty funny night tonight.

So, I've been organizing a pub crawl for Thursday night. One of the people I invited is this woman I ran into on transit. She's in town from Italy visiting her cousin. We chatted, exchanged Instagrams, and I told her I'd show her some fun stuff to do in the city.

Today after the gym, I my original plan was to go home and just kinda have a solitary day of making dinner and practicing guitar, but on a whim, I decided to visit the comic-book store to see if my friend was working. She's notoriously bad at checking her texts and hadn't yet responded to my invite to the pub crawl, so I thought I'd see if I could invite her in person. She wasn't in today. I was going to go home to cook that fish and play some guitar, but another whim told me that so long as I was in this area of town, I might as well take a walk for a bit.

I pass by the coffee shop frequented by acquaintances in the scenes I run it. Get into a conversation. They convince me to go with them to this pub downtown. I think, "well, I was gonna cook today and work on some shit, but… what the hell, I can do that tomorrow." So, I go with them.

It turns out the pub is having a techno show that day. I know nothing about techno, but some folks I haven't seen since high-school are big in that scene, and I'm reintroduced to them. Another random friend I invited to Thursday's pub crawl ends up coming, too.

So, while I'm there, I see a message from Italian girl saying that she's leaving to meet me at the pub crawl venue, and to message her if we move.

The pub crawl is on Thursday.

Today is Tuesday.

She sent the message saying she was leaving twenty minutes before I ended up seeing it.

I frantically try to message and video-call her to prevent her from going all that way for no reason. No response. Being a foreigner, she doesn't have data, and won't see my message until she gets to a place with free Wi-Fi.

Turns out because she's still learning English, she got "Thursday" and "Tuesday" confused. The place she went to isn't far from where I'm at, so I tell her I'll meet her there.

We meet, we laugh about the miscommunication. We share some drinks, talk a lot. Even with the language barrier, the communication is pretty solid, and we can use a translator for any troublesome words. At one point, I have my arm around her, and she kindly informs me that she's not comfortable with somebody she just met doing that, so I stop. But she's not offended or anything. I just apologize and we laugh about it and we're still getting along great.

It's just funny, because if I hadn't decided to try to check in on my friend instead of going home, and I hadn't decided to wander around that area of town afterward instead of going home, and I hadn't decided to tag along with by buddies instead of going home, the night would have been entirely different. I wouldn't have been close enough to the destination Italian girl mistakenly went to two days early to have feasibly been able to meet her and prevent her trip from being wasted.

Even though Italian girl is only here for a couple weeks, so it's not like this could really turn into much, I thought, what the hell. All relationships have a beginning and end, anyway. If we hit it off and like each other, what difference does it make if it's for a week before we both move on? And if nothing romantic happens, it's still cool to give a visitor a fun and positive experience to take back with them. "When I went to Canada for a couple weeks, these cool strangers befriended me and took me to pubs and places in the city, it was fun!" [Except that sentence would presumably be in Italian]

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 11:55 AM   #4640
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Respect her, don't be rude, but also don't be afraid to playfully tease her and show that, just like she does, you have criteria you're looking for in a person that they must meet in order for you to be involved in them.
read this like the John Travolta bathroom scene in Pulp Fiction. i just hope no one walks out to a foaming-at-the-mouth redbreegull

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 05:22 PM   #4641
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we put up with so much inane content from dudes. i'd rather read one new post a week.

y'all would have a fit if a female poster dared talk of every date and every detail of those dates as often as dk, elph, and rbg often do.

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 05:30 PM   #4642
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okay so this guy who wears grey pants came over and he was super cute but not really my type. i'm more into bald artsy types. we met at the farmer's market while i was picking flowers and he was drumming on his leg. i thought we were gonna hit off.

later when we were making out, i noticed he had a small penis, but im trying not to be so superficial these days. so we just cuddled and stuff but while we doing that, this other guy called that i liked...(btw, this is the guy i made out with hardcore last week--remember when i told y'all that? well we hadn't talked in days so i was nervous he didn't me like anymore which is why i called grey pants instead of him like i had promised)

okay, so there we are making out and i notice this red stain between my legs and i was NO WAY! it was pretty funny, though, and he was pretty chill about it so we kept going but then my friend called to check on me cause that's what we do but ignored her calls for 30 minutes. we didn't have sex, though, cause i'm waiting for marriage and sex is too special.

i don't think i want to see him anymore because we don't have a lot in common, but i did meet this guy who wears all black and i think it could really happen for us. he's also black himself, so i just call him black boy.

Last edited by yo soy el mejor : 08-21-2019 at 06:08 PM.

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 06:08 PM   #4643
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it's not so bad since i don't think anyone posts often except julian and johnny, but it always reeks of objectification and deserves ridicule every time.

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 06:24 PM   #4644
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we put up with so much inane content from dudes.
definitely. and we put up with your inane content too. life is just really hard.

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 06:26 PM   #4645
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okay so this guy who wears grey pants came over and he was super cute but not really my type. i'm more into bald artsy types. we met at the farmer's market while i was picking flowers and he was drumming on his leg. i thought we were gonna hit off.

later when we were making out, i noticed he had a small penis, but im trying not to be so superficial these days. so we just cuddled and stuff but while we doing that, this other guy called that i liked...(btw, this is the guy i made out with hardcore last week--remember when i told y'all that? well we hadn't talked in days so i was nervous he didn't me like anymore which is why i called grey pants instead of him like i had promised)

okay, so there we are making out and i notice this red stain between my legs and i was NO WAY! it was pretty funny, though, and he was pretty chill about it so we kept going but then my friend called to check on me cause that's what we do but ignored her calls for 30 minutes. we didn't have sex, though, cause i'm waiting for marriage and sex is too special.

i don't think i want to see him anymore because we don't have a lot in common, but i did meet this guy who wears all black and i think it could really happen for us. he's also black himself, so i just call him black boy.
this is the best post ive seen you make. kept me reading to the end and a banger finish.

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 06:28 PM   #4646
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omg and don't forget yours!


 
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Old 08-21-2019, 06:47 PM   #4647
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y'all would have a fit if a female poster dared talk of every date and every detail of those dates as often as dk, elph, and rbg often do.
You overestimate how much people who keep their sticks in places that might cause less discomfort care about policing other people's discussions of their social lives.

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 08:32 PM   #4648
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also i just want to say that i am JONNY with NO H.


FUCK.

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 08:48 PM   #4649
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ysem you post loads of inane shit that I simply scroll past and ignore because it's easier to do that than give a shit about it

Last edited by Shallowed : 08-21-2019 at 11:21 PM.

 
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Old 08-21-2019, 10:51 PM   #4650
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so here's what went down. we met up at a kind of fancyish bar and ordered beer and oysters. she is extroverted, smart, and funny. she is from Brazil, and has picked up fluent English in two years of living here. The conversation was natural and easy, no awkwardness. We found out we have plenty in common, similar worldviews, and both love marijuana. she told me I am more attractive in person than in my pictures. she also ordered a second beer, which I interpreted as a good sign because she doesn't really like drinking very much. when it came time to pay, I offered to get the bill. she then offered to pay for herself. I said I was never sure what to do in this situation and she suggested that if I picked up the tab this time and she will get it next time. I walked her to her car and it didn't feel like the right moment to try and initiate a kiss, so we just hugged and said it was nice to meet each other and we had a good time

 
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