Friday/Saturday drunk or otherwise thread

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Yeah, right???

[ohnoitsbonnie]

It's pretty good stuff but still. Brevity, please!

[crabshack]

if he had more time the post would have been shorter

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by JESUSNEEDSAHIT

this is very bad advice. because after college things change and it very hard to meet new people. college is the correct time to learn these social skills and enjoy shedding your old skin and grow. later it will be much harder

I think nearing the end of college is kinda what sparked me to want to connect with people and make friends and start dating. I've never been social, always been alone, and I started to fear that if I don't change that within the next two years, I will never be able to change it when I leave an environment of peers who are also looking to meet people and become a 9-to-five wage slave.

Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes

I don't wish to speak for DK, but it kind of sounds to me like he longs for a life outside of school and work. He says he doesn't have a lot of friends to begin with. I think it's only natural and human for him to be seeking companionship at this point, lest he turn into a grumpy hermit later down the line who is too old and too set in his ways to change.

Keep fighting the good fight, DK.

I dunno though, maybe Bonnie is right that I should stop pursuing the social side of things and just focus on getting things done. I used to get straight-'A's in university and make Dean's List every year, despite being lonely and unfulfilled. Somehow, I could just push through it and ignore it. Even at my absolute nadir around second year when (I don't know if you would probably call this depersonalization or derealization or whatever) I kinda had this feeling that I was just an anonymous ghost moving through life of no consequence to anything in the world, like I could disappear and nothing would change, like I wasn't even the main character in my own mental movie and my life didn't matter... I was still acing everything.

I think I need to get back to that. Playing through the pain and being functional, numbing myself to all my hang-ups enough to do what I need to. This isn't even the most depressed I've ever been, yet for some reason, I just can't perform like I used to anymore. I dunno, in the long run, trying to be more social and seeking companionship hasn't brought me much. Bonnie suggested that maybe I'd feel better if I didn't go to that New Year's party, and maybe I would had, because it turned out kinda awkward and just kinda reminded me about my social shortcomings compared to other people and the fact that most of those people probably don't care for me and only tolerated me. At least I wouldn't have had to think about that if I just sat and watched TV for another year.

That two weeks where this girl was texting me and showing interest in me and I was looking forward to dates, I felt a bit better, had an extra spring in my step, and felt more like I might be able to handle some challenges and was even breaking down a plan for how to attack some of my goals, like academic stuff in the coming semester and hobbies and making new friends. But my failure with this person just kinda reminded me how there have been so many times in the past where I've had false optimism about being able to make things go my way, but then my mood goes back down and it doesn't happen. It's unrealistic to think that I can suddenly just manage time for all the things I want to do, so I should probably just forget trying to be social and trying to rekindle my interest in my hobbies and I should just do school. I shouldn't stake performing well academically on feeling better, I need to ignore the feelings and perform regardless, basing my performance on something as unstable as my feelings would be dangerous. And, like Bonnie said, I'm flunking out in social interaction anyway, so I might as well just leave that alone and make sure I don't flunk school after doing pretty well up until last semester. Most people are socialized in such a way that social interaction just comes naturally and they are making friends and having romantic lives since childhood. But I'm probably just not that sort of person, and I probably shouldn't think that I'm entitled to or deserve those kind of connections for the sole reason that I exist. It's not like these things are human rights or necessities. I still have food, water, and shelter, which is more than a lot of people have.

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by crabshack

if he had more time the post would have been shorter

Sorry for making you read that all. You have other things to do, and it probably takes time away from doing them when you are forced to read my posts.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

You make me sound so negative. DK, I am not suggesting that you keep floating like a ghost and eschew all forms of socialization. We all need it. It's an essential human need. But you said it yourself that dating is more a bandaid towards your depression. It does little in the short, but more in the long run, but it's still what you can't base your next good feeling on. Humans do this a lot: the next thing and the new thing is your reason to live. It's like living to eat rather than eating to live. So all I meant that is that if your dating attempts are supposed to be making up for your depression, then I am letting you know that it isn't sustainable and you need to learn to cope on your own.

Balance is important too. You need to balance out school and socialization and more importantly, finish school and focus on your upcoming career/goals like that. It's a lot easier when you don't have that pressure.

Also, platonic/non-romantic relationships can be just as if not more affirming. Having a social circle can make it easier to find a partner. Just something to chew on

[crabshack]

Originally Posted by Disco King

Sorry for making you read that all. You have other things to do, and it probably takes time away from doing them when you are forced to read my posts.

Some of the posts of yours that I read I empathize with horribly. It terrifies me to my bones.

I'm just a fan of the old adage that it takes more time to write a shorter letter than it does to write a longer letter, because the editing process takes time.

If I were a writer, it would be important to cut the fat out of every sentence. And obviously we aren't writers, yet we are writing.

I'm just being a shit. Buy me a pint. You do you. I'm not hating. We probably have more in common than I would like to admit.

[crabshack]

Fuck why can't I express my feelings very well??!!

[ohnoitsbonnie]

The human side of crabgrass

[Disco King]

I probably am being selfish by taking up all this space to rant about my social hang-ups, though. I dunno, I just vomit everything on here because I have nobody to talk to in real life.

I used to be pretty good at suppressing social yearning. People would ask me if I was asexual or closeted all the time because there seemed to be absolutely no apparent romantic side to my personality, which people found odd. Never spoke a word about those things, mostly because I knew there was no point because it would never be relevant to me. I should probably go back to that on here and should shut up about those things and go back to when I was able to lock that all away and just focus on school/work.

Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1

i am in shanghai, so in other words, i just need to hope not to need medical attention. even only doing something simple and protocol as an STD test was difficult yesterday. i am getting slowly slightly better, but am still totally incapacitated. i just hope it'll go over and that it's not some infection that requires antibiotics, because i don't have access to any. still vaguely freaked out about dying from aids but i'll have an answer tomorrow.

Is there evidence that a sexual partner of yours with whom you didn't use protection had AIDS? It sounds like this illness could be literally anything. Probably just a flu.

[crabshack]

haha tehbolly has AIDS

[crabshack]

some could say he's truly been shanghai'd

[ohnoitsbonnie]

You're not taking any posts away from anyone else so don't worry about it. But consider making it a little bit more readable?

[Elphenor]

I almost had a date but then she gave an excuse that she actually couldn't go tonight and whether that was to save my feelings because she didn't want to go idc I went anyway and talked to a different girl when I got there

[Elphenor]

I was feelin red hot coming off that math exam though it's so cold I wish I'd spent the night in my fridge instead

[crabshack]

FRANKIES DEAD

[Elphenor]

Johnny's looking for love

[crabshack]

96 Tears

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Nougat ran under our bed when we got into it and new girl is in the (open) carrier just a few steps away in the kitchen. I hope she sleeps, eats, drinks, and poops and peeps while we are sleeping

[ohnoitsbonnie]

I have considered calling her Rhexia or Fig

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Could I make a dutch baby in my enameled cast iron pot?

[ohnoitsbonnie]

I could really go for some pho rn

[crabshack]

Call her "Crocker"

[crabshack]

or

Lou Reed

[ohnoitsbonnie]

I'm gonna call her phở tái

[crabshack]

Aja

Gaucho

Donna Fagen

[crabshack]

Pho Crock

[ohnoitsbonnie]

She's meowing rn and it sounds like a pathetic little homing beacon. It doesn't even sound real

[crabshack]

Another vote for "Radar"

[crabshack]

poor little dummy