I can't tell the difference between love and infatuation

[Catherine Wheel]

I got really close to a woman at work recently and I honestly am not sure if I'm really infatuated with her or an in love with her. Either way it ended badly. She just wants to be friends.

There were several times over the last couple of months where we were sitting in her car and she was crying about how overwhelmed and stressed out she is and I was just consoling her. I told her I would always be there for her but I honestly don't want to just be friends with her. Kind of wish I hadn't said that.

[Catherine Wheel]

I technically have moved on. I hooked up with an old girlfriend recently. Hadn't been with her since June. But I'm still kind of hung up on the one from work. I have no real emotional connection with this other one. It's just a physical thing.

[vixnix]

Infatuation and being in love are the same thing - there's another idea of what it is, limerance... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

You're probably indulging in these feelings because you are unhappy and lonely, generally speaking. Do you have any interests? I would suggest becoming part of a social group that meets regularly, a choir, social sports team, hiking club, anything really. Just something so that you can meet a few more people and get your mind of this co-worker.

I'm currently interning with the board mental health specialist, reprise. So we'll have to wait for her to check my work before it's officially good to follow. Thank you for your patience.

[The exploding boy]

For me i was always able to make the difference by basically...well how much time do i spend a day thinking about the girl. First thing i think about in the morning upon waking up was always a pretty good indication...

[Shallowed]

It's almost certainly infatuation.

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by Catherine Wheel

I hooked up with an old girlfriend recently.But I'm still kind of hung up on the one from work. I have no real emotional connection with this other one. It's just a physical thing.

i remember you harshly judging a woman for doing the same thing.

class catherine wheel.

[MyOneAndOnly]

why do guys think that by doing something nice for a woman or acting respectful or simply being a friend that it means the woman will want to get with them?

[MyOneAndOnly]

I can only imagine this woman's perspective on CW. She goes through a rough patch and a coworker who happens to be a man takes the time to listen to her and maybe provide a shoulder to cry on. And the next thing she knows the guy is hitting on her.

hopefully she didn't also get any mansplaining as well

[hnibos]

Avoid falling in love as much as possible. It's awful, and turns your brain into mush.

[Mooney]

love makes you feel ten feet tall.

[Elijah Moon]

I think I was happier limerant than I was in love, but then maybe I wasn't doing the love thing right.

[Elijah Moon]

And by "the love thing" I don't mean sexual intercourse, although it's possible I was doing that wrong too.

[yo soy el mejor]

love is never having to say you're welcome

[Elijah Moon]

Infatuation is a nice daydream, love is a slow suicide.

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by Catherine Wheel

She just wants to be friends... I told her I would always be there for her but I honestly don't want to just be friends with her. .

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

why do guys think that by doing something nice for a woman or acting respectful or simply being a friend that it means the woman will want to get with them?

you wouldn't understand, minion.

it's an alpha-male thing.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Infatuation and being in love are the same thing - there's another idea of what it is, limerance... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

You're probably indulging in these feelings because you are unhappy and lonely, generally speaking. Do you have any interests? I would suggest becoming part of a social group that meets regularly, a choir, social sports team, hiking club, anything really. Just something so that you can meet a few more people and get your mind of this co-worker.

I'm currently interning with the board mental health specialist, reprise. So we'll have to wait for her to check my work before it's officially good to follow. Thank you for your patience.

Huh?

[hnibos]

I think she's anticipating you telling her she's wrong. Low self esteem and all

[FoolofaTook]

u wouldn't understand, reprise.

it's an alpha-male thing.

[FoolofaTook]

neither would you, poster known as hnibos.

[reprise85]

I've never heard of limerence, interesting.

CW, if hooking up with another person means you've "technically moved on", then you answered your own question.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by hnibos

I think she's anticipating you telling her she's wrong. Low self esteem and all

I just don't know where it came from, did we have a quarrel?

[hnibos]

Pretty sure hooking up with past interests is like the opposite of moving on. It's a sign he's a mess.

[FoolofaTook]

maybe they are just rekindling the fires of their passion.

do not begrudge them their return to unbridled pleasure.

[hnibos]

No they're horny and lonely and sad and that's why they're willing to put themselves through the shame of fucking someone they have no interest in associating themselves with really

[The exploding boy]

Originally Posted by Mooney

love makes you feel ten feet tall.

unrequited, more like ten inches

[Shallowed]

Originally Posted by FoolofaTook

maybe they are just rekindling the fires of their passion.

do not begrudge them their return to unbridled pleasure.

post/av

[Jerry's Ray]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Infatuation and being in love are the same thing - there's another idea of what it is, limerance... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

No they're not. At least my definition of love isn't. i equate limerance to having a crush on someone and I always find crushes to be fleeting and temporary mainly because you don't really know much about that person and you're basing your infatuation on a first impression, or chemistry or how attractive that person is. Being in love with someone is constant. It's something that comes from getting to know someone and it feels different to just a crush. And it's extremely painful if it's unreciprocated.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by reprise85

Huh?

Naw, it was just a joke really... The two of us tend to pay forward a lot of our therapy advice, but you know more because you're studying psychology and you've had more of an interest, so I was just displaying my genuine deference to your superior knowledge and I thought it was a humorous way to phrase it.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by Jerry's Ray

No they're not. At least my definition of love isn't. i equate limerance to having a crush on someone and I always find crushes to be fleeting and temporary mainly because you don't really know much about that person and you're basing your infatuation on a first impression, or chemistry or how attractive that person is. Being in love with someone is constant. It's something that comes from getting to know someone and it feels different to just a crush. And it's extremely painful if it's unreciprocated.

That is limerance though I reckon, invasive thoughts causing upset is a surefire sig of limerance