a small poem (please hate it)

[Elijah Moon]

osiris

i died a little,
slept so deep
that i slept while awake.
slowly
i rose in time for winter;
a rose for my lover,
but she's long gone,
and that's fine with me:
i kicked the habit
of aching obsession,
but i did die a little.
i did come apart.

[Mooney]

is this about winnie the pooh coming out of hibernation and trying not to stick his hand in the honey pot?

[I'm Hardcore]

fuckin hate it

[Elvis The Fat Years]

[vixnix]

I thought I'd list another small poem so we can contrast yours with it.

Surprised by Joy
BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH

Surprised by joy—impatient as the Wind
I turned to share the transport—Oh! with whom
But Thee, long buried in the silent Tomb,
That spot which no vicissitude can find?
Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind—
But how could I forget thee?—Through what power,
Even for the least division of an hour,
Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my most grievous loss!—That thought’s return
Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore,
Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn,
Knowing my heart’s best treasure was no more;
That neither present time, nor years unborn
Could to my sight that heavenly face restore.

[Elijah Moon]

Originally Posted by vixnix

I thought I'd list another small poem so we can contrast yours with it.

Surprised by Joy
BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH

Surprised by joy—impatient as the Wind
I turned to share the transport—Oh! with whom
But Thee, long buried in the silent Tomb,
That spot which no vicissitude can find?
Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind—
But how could I forget thee?—Through what power,
Even for the least division of an hour,
Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my most grievous loss!—That thought’s return
Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore,
Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn,
Knowing my heart’s best treasure was no more;
That neither present time, nor years unborn
Could to my sight that heavenly face restore.

Well that's a fair comparison...

Having said that, I was never really a Wordsworth fan.

[vixnix]

Me neither - I didn't actually remember that he was the author. I just remembered that it was a sonnet and sonnets are short.

Have you ever tried writing in sonnet form?

[Elphenor]

This guy reminds me of the people on the Oboard who thought they were being all avant-garde by writing incomprehensibly using [these] instead of (these)

[Elphenor]

They would write really lame group poetry in the art section of the board

[Elijah Moon]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Me neither - I didn't actually remember that he was the author. I just remembered that it was a sonnet and sonnets are short.

Have you ever tried writing in sonnet form?

Only back in school. I did actually have quite a flair for poetry in my late teens and could write pretty good rhyming ones and play about with the form. Now it's a real struggle, so I just write them however I can, not caring too much about technique. I don't normally write them in all lowercase (because it can seem pretentious) but it felt right for this little doodle.

Anyway, someone said the word "cool" doesn't fit the mood, and I agree with that.

[Elijah Moon]

In fact, I'll edit that one word. Thanks, pavementtune.

[slunken]

What did you hope to accomplish here?

[Elijah Moon]

What does anyone try to accomplish here? Maybe some feedback.

I was a bit preemptively negative with "please hate it" (I'd remove those words from the title if I could) but then this place is pretty unforgiving at times . But pavementtune liked my poem, so I've accomplished enough.

[reprise85]

this is not bad

[slunken]

I don't follow poetry very closely any longer but one of my favorite writers came out with a new book last month. Thing Music by Anthony McCann.

McCann culls restless poems from vast spaces created by wind, light, and sound; where "leaves twitched/ in the white wind// light entered/ every hole// Everything was noise." The poems treat the reader as a tightly-bound creature navigating an infinite space, with McCann urging an acknowledgement of the inherent energy possessed by any object—energy that gives each thing its own life and thus deepens the uncertainty of how well we know our world. Here, each object brims with greater purpose: "Can't we say that the object is singing, that its absence,/ like presence, is there?" This includes our own bodies, as if the physical self keeps an inner radiance at bay, "like when a head comes off/ and light spreads across the room." In these poems, the body is empty and open, not just receptive but overwhelmed by the world flowing unstoppably around and through it: "I pushed/ my body through// all this/ speed// to you." McCann examines our attachment to the physical world and uses this to build a bridge to the metaphysical; in his undulating world, the physical self is a gift, one that gives us a hand to feel that pulse, a shape in all the noise. (Sept.)

[The exploding boy]

Poetry is for fags.

I mean if nobody pointed it out yet.

Like I used to write poetry but then i realized i wasn't a homo and stopped.

[Elijah Moon]

Is writing lyrics gay as well? Or is it that if you make a tune for your words it all becomes heterosexual?

[The exploding boy]

yeah.

Well if your riff has enough balls to it anyway. Like some power chord with heavy distortion. then it's not gay. Cause if you're playing like piano or some shit it just amps up the queer factor.

Or if you look like a queer while doing it like freddy mercury. I mean some of these riff had balls man but then he was all like "please put some dick in my mouth" with his moves. Pretty sure that guy was gay and his meaning of "rocking you" was not what people at hockey games think it is. Also we are the champions is about how he and his buds were no1 at sucking dick. Just look it up.

[Elijah Moon]

Oh, you were feigning homophobia for some sort of effect? Gotcha.

[noyen]

had to stop before he became legally gay.

[The exploding boy]

No chance of that happening. I've always been and always will be straight as fuck. Like even as a kid my favorite action figures were Masters of the Universe and G.I Joe which are about the most manly and non homoerotic figures ever created. I know because they had bulging muscles and moustaches. Ok so Prince Adam might have been wearing pink but as he-man he punched people in the face all the time which is like the no1 favorite pastime of straight guys. The only reason he wasn't all up in Teela's shit was because she was the daughter of his best bud and as for She-Ra, she was his sister which if you ask me he must have felt was a real shame. To be fair though it's likely She-Ra was a dyke because she also punched guys in the face.

Here's a good vid of Prince Adam not being gay:

[slunken]

poetry is awesome in the right context

[Elphenor]

Poetry is pretty awesome

[slunken]

poetry is like fine art; everyone says they like it but in reality they know jack shit about it

[Elphenor]

I don't know a lot about it, but I do enjoy it and have spent a lot of time reading it

[The exploding boy]

Originally Posted by slunken

poetry is like fine art; everyone says they like it but in reality they know jack shit about it

pretty much though more and more i came to the realisation i don't ,by and large, really care for most of it. and don't read it.

I was into it as a teen a lot. I was like oh wow verlaine and shit and Rimbaud. And then i was like, wow what a bunch of fags. Literally though in their case.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

All the girls on tinder are too pretty for me

[Elphenor]

[Elphenor]

SYLVIA PLATH IS MY FUCKING RELIGION

[Elphenor]

I'm thinking of naming my band "Plath"