Ask me any question about being a psychiatric inpatient...

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by F.Delacroix

also in b4 reprise

slunken is that you?

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by Eulogy

There have been people here with mental illnesses before

FYI

Fans of bill corgan? Mentally ill? Pshaw! Next thing youll tell me is that limp bizkit fans are manchildren with anger mgmt issues

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by reprise85

sorry for your ill health.

haha

[Trotskilicious]

THIS THREAD IS FULL OF ILL COMMUNICATION

[MyOneAndOnly]

there have been times that I probably should have been locked up. but I think that if I ever am I will kill myself.

[Order 66]

RIP scottsman

i'll never forget the time you did that thing

[MyOneAndOnly]

it was my 15 minutes of fame

[toase]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

Fans of bill corgan? Mentally ill? Pshaw! Next thing youll tell me is that limp bizkit fans are manchildren with anger mgmt issues

Im gonna get this tattoed

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

there have been times that I probably should have been locked up. but I think that if I ever am I will kill myself.

death is worse than a little time in the loony bin. if you stick with the sane-ish people it can be sort of fun in a "jail for preschoolers" kind of way.

it really is like a combo of jail and preschool. lots of coloring.

[toase]

Originally Posted by reprise85

death is worse than a little time in the loony bin. if you stick with the sane-ish people it can be sort of fun in a "jail for preschoolers" kind of way.

it really is a combo of jail and preschool. lots of coloring.

I'm ready for a psychiatric detention, I don't want to work no more

[reprise85]

i mean i am kind of bypassing the trying to force you to take meds thing and forcing you for real in many situations and also watching you pee and shower
making you go to AA meetings
monitoring your speech with other patients
being observed by nursing and psych students who just stare at you
fights/violence
sexual harassment from other patients (and staff in some cases. but def other patients)
lights out and you can't leave your room for any reason
food sucks in most places
docs try to make you stay as long as your insurance will cover and then kick you out
no fresh air. i mean not going outside for weeks is pretty shitty. and the 10x5 cage you and 25 other people smoke in doesn't count

i mean don't forget the jail part of it.

[Order 66]

they gave me something called librium and i don't know what that is but it was off the chain. and i could cheat the system in meetings by drinking a bunch of coffee and getting my blood pressure up and they'd give me more

[reprise85]

librium is a very weak benzo

[reprise85]

when i got my BP up they just gave me clonidine

they did that for everyone. BP high? are you in withdrawal? no? doesn't matter, everyone gets clonidine

[killtrocity]

why do they let u on here in pscychiatric inpatient

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Elijah Moon

Yes, that's true. I guess no one has any questions, anyway. I just wanted to talk about my life at the moment, as I spent so many years focused on nothing directly important to me or that I'd experienced.

So talk to me. Do you feel an optimism towards the future? Are your symptoms actually improved now that they have deemed you ready for society? Are you doing basic functioning like showering etc? What is your diagnosis (or diagnoses)?

[noyen]

I abused thorazine once or thrice. I got arrested with a bunch of people 5 of us were all asleep at a stop light in a car. The cops thought we were on heroin. We didn't get charged with anything in the end because the pigs were stupid but did spend a night in jail.

I took some crazy muscle relaxer my neighbor in Portland had for her MS. I don't remember much. Put me in a coma like state for a while. Good times. Druuuuuugggggzzzz.

[Order 66]

all the benzo withdrawal people got ativan so I assumed librium was something different because i was sky high. but then my doctor came and saw the dosage i was getting and was like LOL so it was probably like 10x the amount or something

[noyen]

I never want to go through benzo withdrawal again. Worse than anything I can remember. I was doing dozens of bars of xanax a day. After I got off it my doc gives me Valium now which is harder for me to abuse and I use it for sleep and social situations. If I had a xanax script I'd probably take them all at once with a bottle of wine and die hard.

[Order 66]

i used to take whole bars because i thought that's what you're supposed to do. the fact they're supposed to be broken into quarters was a revelation to me. i have script now and rarely abuse it.. though once in a blue moon i'll wake up next to a taiwanese ladyboy and six dogs or something equally ridiculous

[MyOneAndOnly]

Originally Posted by killtrocity

why do they let u on here in pscychiatric inpatient

this

[noyen]

Originally Posted by Order 66

i used to take whole bars because i thought that's what you're supposed to do. the fact they're supposed to be broken into quarters was a revelation to me. i have script now and rarely abuse it.. though once in a blue moon i'll wake up next to a taiwanese ladyboy and six dogs or something equally ridiculous

I was buying em from online pharma without a script. Really cheap and hundreds and hundreds of bars at a time. I started just taking tiny tiny pieces of each bar maybe twice a day. I got sick of life and started taking more and more until I could tolerate 5 or 6 bars and a bunch of alcohol. I started losing memory of everything during that time but from what people tell me I scared the shit out of them or was really really fun to be around. Getting off them took a good 6-8 months of pure hell. I used to comb the carpet on my hands and knees in my apartment for any tiny morsels I thought I might have dropped like a crackhead.

[reprise85]

My friend who recently died was the first case of benzo addiction I ever saw. Really the only extreme one. He was taking up to 12 bars per day. I knew he was taking some, but no idea how many. The last 2-3 months he would fall asleep basically anywhere, at any time. He started adding booze to it and becoming really sloppy. I was still naive at this point. This was before we ever sniffed pills etc, and one day he left out his pill crusher and I was like WTF is this... which was his way of telling me he needed help. I supported him while he told his mom.

He was straight up stupid for about a year after he got off of them. Super slow. He did get back to normal but I wasn't sure if he would for a while.

I've abused benzos of course, but never got any kind of serious physical addiction. When I first got off opioids I was taking about 1mg klonopin per day, I just didn't sleep for about 4 days and then I was fine. In fact, the program I was going into in inpatient (first time inpatient, it was voluntary - a PTSD program) didn't allow you to take benzos so I went in and cold turkey'd it about a week after detoxing from opioids using suboxone.

The first night I actually slept was amazing.

[reprise85]

the best unknown drug to get high on is gabapentin (neurontin). if you fight the urge to get the best sleep ever (and you take enough of it) it almost feels like you are on mdma. i swear. that kind of rolling body euphoria. but a lot of people don't get it... i always did though. i dont get them anymore.

[Elijah Moon]

Originally Posted by reprise85

So talk to me. Do you feel an optimism towards the future? Are your symptoms actually improved now that they have deemed you ready for society? Are you doing basic functioning like showering etc? What is your diagnosis (or diagnoses)?

I started this thread as if I had lots of interesting things to say but, at least now, being on a ward is just boring. To people who asked how I can post here if I'm an inpatient: I am visiting my "placement" in the community till tomorrow. Should be getting out soon.

I had mental problems from the age of ten but till my breakdown years later I was only diagnosed with depression and anxiety. When I went loopy, I had been taking MDMA, ketamine and smoking skunk, so I got a diagnosis of 'drug-induced psychosis' and was discharged in a week. I knew it wasn't drug-induced, mind you.

A few years back I got re-admitted, and I was prescribed venlafaxine, which I believe sent my psychotic again (for the last time). I was very, very delusional about things such as Israel, Mossad, CIA, and had delusions about Russell Brand, of all things. I kept escaping so got put on obs. No privacy -- people standing behind me when I took a piss.

While psychotic, two consultants diagnosed me with schizophrenia and I was sent to a PICU (psychiatric intensive care unit). When I got to the hospital I am in now, all those psychotic symptoms went away and the doctors decided I don't have schizophrenia but borderline personality disorder and dysthymia. I felt I had all the negative symptoms of schizophrenia, and I much preferred it when I had the positive ones.

Well, I started a new med a year ago and it's helped a bit (mainly, albeit, in other people's eyes). I try not to complain to the staff in case my discharge is held up. I have to shoot off now but I'll talk a bit about the ward and the other patients later.

[Elijah Moon]

This is weird to admit now, but when I was psychotic for the final time I believed Hunter S. Thompson was my father. When I was on the run I ended up near this place called 'Hunter's Farm,' which confirmed he had faked his death and was living there. I also "saw" my real dad on the ward, even though he died 12 years ago. I was quite unwell.

[Elijah Moon]

The best things about the acute ward were the fact it was easy to escape, it was mixed (male and female), and that a guy there named Dean would give me 50-100mg of diazepam in exchange for a clean piss sample (didn't matter that benzos showed up, as he was on them), as he was doing illegal drugs (can't recall what exactly).

[reprise85]

How long have you been a residential inpatient? I was pretty afraid that would happen to me. The most I stayed in at one time was 4 weeks I think. Though I did a couple for 3 weeks back to back with a week of freedom in the middle.

I have never been psychotic, so it is hard for me to grasp just how you might feel while you are. I certainly saw my share of bizarre delusions along with non-bizarre like being followed etc. One girl thought Shaq spoke to her telepathically about planting bombs around Miami or something like that. She has always stuck with me... she seemed totally normal until you got her to talk about it. She did not seem to be a danger to anyone so I don't know why she was in there at all.

There was also a Russian guy who claimed to be with the FBI and told fairly convincing stories about it... until you remembered "hey, we're on a psych ward"... I literally had to tell the other inpatients that of course he was lying and/or psychotic.

I did get some funny looks from doctors when I talked about my own involvement with the FBI (as a crime victim) but they generally all realized it wasn't a delusion. I think they did anyway.

[vixnix]

the saddest thing for me was how bad everyone seemed to feel about me being in there. I didn't actually feel that bad myself.

[hnibos]

Originally Posted by Order 66

i used to take whole bars because i thought that's what you're supposed to do. the fact they're supposed to be broken into quarters was a revelation to me. i have script now and rarely abuse it.. though once in a blue moon i'll wake up next to a taiwanese ladyboy and six dogs or something equally ridiculous

El oh el