ATTN netphoria

[hnibos]

Originally Posted by vixnix

I had a rude awakening with my father at a rental car company on friday where he flat out refused to let me use his credit card, told me I only call him when I want money, and hung up on me. It was so embarrassing. I had only called him because I hadn't been able to get hold of my husband, because, as usual, he had left his phone on his desk while he went off to a meeting. Which is great manners for meetings. But sucks for me. The rental place closed and I ended up catching a bus...it was horribly embarrassing.

That must've really sucked.

[reprise85]

Yeah that's brutal.

[Bread Regal]

the bus? dear heavens.

[Order 66]

i'd rather take a bus then call my dad over the phone for his cc .. much less doing it well into my 30s

[Trotskilicious]

And this has been another episode of Vixnix, Proletarian Mum

[vixnix]

Yeah it was all humiliating.

It turned out for the best. And I still made it to the wedding.

I actually love catching the bus and staying at the YHA in a dorm room. I'm not really a rental car and motel kind of person. The bus was only $50 return, which was actually affordable for me, so I felt happy about that. And the yha was $38 per night. So actually a lot of affordable options for me are ones that I really enjoy. So it was nice to find that out. The bus actually stopped right outside the YHA.

It was like backpacking again. Two of the ladies in my dorm were retired, and just travelling for fun. So they were really lovely to me. It actually turned out to be a great trip. Apart from the flu and the toothache. So I did spent most of the trip lying in bed, unable to sleep because of the pain and congestion.

[Eulogy]

Not even acknowledging what was weird about your post.

[Trotskilicious]

It's okay, she has no idea.

[vixnix]

That I'm still financially reliant on my parents and husband at 34, you mean?

It's not that weird - a lot of women are in that position if they have stayed home and out of paid employment to be a full time parent/carer.

[Bread Regal]

as much as i'm tempted to, i'm not going to make any judgments about the nature of the life you lead, which perplexes all of us.

[vixnix]

judgments should really only be made for entertainment

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Bread Regal

the bus? dear heavens.

not the bus part... just being yelled at and told you only call for money and being hung up on. obviously it's an issue but being called out like that on the spot without any real dialogue would be kind of disorienting

[reprise85]

im 29. my dad pays my car insurance and my mom gives me $100 about 5-6 times a year

big whoop wanna fight about it

[vixnix]

Thanks reprise. I burst into tears.

He didn't have to be an asshole about it but he was. If he feels out of control because of something else going on in his life, he compensates for it by taking control of a completely different situation. In this situation I was vulnerable and asking for help, and choosing to be an asshole about saying no made him feel powerful, so he did it. It probably even made him feel good knowing that I cried about it.

I had to sit in this rental car office with tears streaming down my face, not because I'm 34 and my Dad wouldn't give me his cc details so that I could rent a car...but because since I was a little girl, when my Dad was angry about stuff going on in his life, I was so unimportant to him that he trashed my self esteem to get even with the universe about the crap he couldn't control. It sucks and it hurts to not matter to your Dad.

[D.]

Originally Posted by vixnix

.but because since I was a little girl, when my Dad was angry about stuff going on in his life, I was so unimportant to him that he trashed my self esteem to get even with the universe about the crap he couldn't control. It sucks and it hurts to not matter to your Dad.

[vixnix]

yeah I have to say...seeing how much you dote on your daughter on fb often makes me realise all the stuff I missed out on as a child...you're an awesome dad, D.

[reprise85]

i talk to my dad like 3 times a year and i think he pays for my car insurance as some kind of small act of contrition/guilt. we basically have no relationship. bit better with my mom but really i have to limit interaction because her guilt (some that she is vocal about) basically makes her repeat the same conversations with me over and over and i feel bad but that is her thing to work out. she always brings up my past stuff and i was just so obsessed with it for so long that i hate to see how she still is but thinks she's fine and doesn't need help

so basically my dad deals by avoiding it and my mom deals with it by bringing it up over and over while somehow ignoring bigger issues at the same time

[Trotskilicious]

Did he really just airquote the harlem shake

[vixnix]

reprise that sucks, I'm sorry

[reprise85]

it's ok... thanks

[reprise85]

i am not important enough to them to fix what is wrong, or it's just impossible and i need to accept that