does one ever stop having mini realizations about where they are in life

[reprise85]

like today i did all my laundry at the laundromat and then went shopping and got mostly healthy food and then pet my kitty for a while and watched netflix and got my schedule (working 8 days in a row) and i just had that semi-epiphany again w/r/t "oh shit im really an adult look at me enjoying fruit and feeling good that things are clean"

how did this happen

[Order 66]

i've been having alot of reflective moments in my life recently. its kind of bi polar yeah youre in a good place but there are all these caveats. whatever i can deal but it freaks me out thinking where am i going to be all old having these realizations. truth is your life is always going to be sad in some ways #firstworldproblems

[SuckSuckStyle]

it's probably all those pills!

i had the same realization last night. a year ago today i was still detoxing, getting on a plane with a one way flight, no plan and shitting my self i was so scared.

now i'm living in a high rise, back to my fun job, had more experiences in the past year than most people have in a lifetime. i'm writing, i'm drawing, i'm performing. i'm going to bali on saturday because why the fuck not? what he hell happened to my life? i should really get back on those pills and get my shit together.

[SuckSuckStyle]

ps im happy for you reprise

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by SuckSuckStyle

it's probably all those pills!

i had the same realization last night. a year ago today i was still detoxing, getting on a plane with a one way flight, no plan and shitting my self i was so scared.

now i'm living in a high rise, back to my fun job, had more experiences in the past year than most people have in a lifetime. i'm writing, i'm drawing, i'm performing. i'm going to bali on saturday because why the fuck not? what he hell happened to my life? i should really get back on those pills and get my shit together.

for real though you realize you were keeping yourself stuck and not some pills?

[reprise85]

i mean a year ago i wasnt even in charge of my own money was getting full SSDI couldn't even have my own debit card legally

now im taking care of all my shit, working full time basically, got my own place, got a cat, eating a lot better, still on the same pillz as last year this time.

[reprise85]

ps im happy for you zach you know i am no kiddin'

[SuckSuckStyle]

yeah i'm well aware that i was really fucked up for a long time. thanks.

[SuckSuckStyle]

can we just agree that we've had different experiences with medication and that in my opinion, the pills WERE a large part of MY problem? clearly they're not an issue for you and that's cool. i'm glad you're happy and it's working out. but it was by no means easy to get to this point. i worked really really hard on myself for a long time and i'm proud of myself. i have every right to distrust docs and pharms just as you have every right to trust them.

[SuckSuckStyle]

also last night during my happy reflective insomnia i realized i had a lot of energy. i've been running an hour a day and it makes me very happy. i'm going to go run now.

[reprise85]

i mean im totally glad you're doing what you love and want. everyone just has different ideas of what they want. i want to go back to school. i want to live basically where i am and continue my therapy and stay stable and able to cope and start having friends and shit.

just because your route and destination are different than mine, doesn't mean we both aren't living on the same planet, and we can co exist with or without the pill shit. i'd be dead if not for the medications i'm on. fact. i will be on as little medication as possible going forward. also fact. perhaps if i wanted to live in the way you do medication wouldnt be necessary. but so i've made my choices. and then perhaps we are just different, and medication would still be necessary.

who knows.

this is not a dig on anyone or anybody

[Sonic Johnny]

i'd be concerned if I ever stopped having epiphanes/crises on the regular.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by SuckSuckStyle

can we just agree that we've had different experiences with medication and that in my opinion, the pills WERE a large part of MY problem? clearly they're not an issue for you and that's cool. i'm glad you're happy and it's working out. but it was by no means easy to get to this point. i worked really really hard on myself for a long time and i'm proud of myself. i have every right to distrust docs and pharms just as you have every right to trust them.

dude my point is i dont trust pharms and docs i trust my pharms and my docs because in my experiences they have worked in the end, though for a long time they did not and some doctors were just straight up idiots and shouldn't be practicing.

i'm not blindly stating HEY DRUGS ARE GREAT THEY WILL SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS which would be the opposite of what you are doing by saying they're all bullshit and cause the problems.

i'm not trying to hurt on you personally, but just the way you take it personally when someone says pills aren't evil in and of themselves it makes other people take it personally for even considering them in the first place you get me?

[slunken]

animal pharm

[ilikeplanets]

pssh, when do they start???

[Shallowed]

Originally Posted by SuckSuckStyle

it's probably all those pills!

i had the same realization last night. a year ago today i was still detoxing, getting on a plane with a one way flight, no plan and shitting my self i was so scared.

now i'm living in a high rise, back to my fun job, had more experiences in the past year than most people have in a lifetime. i'm writing, i'm drawing, i'm performing. i'm going to bali on saturday because why the fuck not? what he hell happened to my life? i should really get back on those pills and get my shit together.

I had a mini realisation that this post was by Suck Suck Style and not reprise because you both have similar avatars. I was like, woah, reprise is doing all that crazy stuff? That seems more like something that Suck Su-oh wait.

[Starla]

My anxiety attacks have made a comeback recently. I know it's situational and they'll probably go away when things settle down, but I really hate how I feel when they become monster attacks, lasting all day long or into the evening. I've taken meds before when they got out of hand and they really helped me deal with everything at the time. I had a lot of moments of clarity and self awareness that I hadn't had in a long time. The one positive thing was, slowing the world down a bit so I could deal with my life, feelings, etc. When I was dealing with PTSD, I didn't have good experiences with SSRI's so I was put on a benzo and although it was really helpful... there's still the problem with it's addictive properties. It's trading one thing for another and I wish medication was more perfect. It doesn't work for everyone, and then sometimes, it's a magic bullet. I'm not completely pro or anti meds. I kind of fall in the middle of treating the patient as a whole. Sometimes there are other causes contributing to mental illnesses that I think should be ruled out. A lot of people are being put on SSRI's who don't need them and shouldn't be on them. I don't like how some doctors won't take time to investigate.... they just throw pills at someone. I hate bad doctors and nurse practitioners who don't care/only care about pharmaceutical comp perks/ or are completely ignorant and have tunnel vision w/ patient care. I'm just saying... why not try other things first, then see. Investigate their nutrition as well. I'm not going all xenu, tom cruise here.... cause vitamins are not the cure for depression... however, if a person is seriously deficient in say, magnesium ..... then they may suffer from anxiety attacks and muscle tension. I've seen anxiety treated with correcting a deficiency, and depression treated w/ exercise and nutrition. But then there are folks who need these medications to function, and it improves their quality of life and it works very well for them.
5 am unable to sleep rambling.....sorry guys

[whywontyoulistn]

I have brief moments of utter clarity where I wake up from my zombiefied state, look around, realise nothing has changed in over a decade, feel depressed, shrug, and then return to putting one foot in front of the other.

[Starla]

His hair is exactly how I feel at times.

[Mo]

Not really.
Every once in a while I realize I've just motivated myself to do something I wouldn't have been able to do a few years ago and feel good for a while, but that passes quickly and I go back to being bored.