do any of you ever feel like you're supposed to kill yourself?

[vixnix]

Vanity may stop some people. If you're still using heavily by the time you're thirty you're doomed to looking pretty used up for the rest of your life.

[Eulogy]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Nobody stops if they've got nothing to stop for, no hopes or ambitions or concerned boyfriends who are going to leave them,etc. Families who will cut financial assistance.

i don't think this is necessarily true. some people do care about their health or just basic self-improvement and self-preservation.

[vixnix]

Yeah. I haven't met any addicts who stopped just because of that, though. It would have to be an incredibly strong desire to look after yourself to beat out the desire to get fucked up again. Do you know anyone like that?

[Eulogy]

no. but you don't have to cure yourself, you just need to go to or be pushed into an effective rehab program. and have it work.

i don't know anything about any of that though so i could be wrong

[Trotskilicious]

this thread is making me want to kill myself

[Eulogy]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

this thread is making me want to kill myself

you got beat to that one, brah

[Trotskilicious]

i'm just being honest

[Eulogy]

ah

even i can't bring myself to read this
i mean get real
i'm buying a bunch of philosophy books and add meds so i have smart people's words to make me never think up a thread like this

[reprise85]

i didnt put a lot of thought into it, just expressing an odd feeling of feeling like im supposed to and also knowing it's completely irrational i mean jeez i'll shut up then guys

i mean dislike it or whatever but i dont understand the "get real" this is actually a problem for me

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Nobody stops if they've got nothing to stop for, no hopes or ambitions or concerned boyfriends who are going to leave them,etc. Families who will cut financial assistance.

i didnt have anything to stop for except i knew i was either going to stop or die very soon. i hadn't even gotten caught or anything

[reprise85]

i just think basically, there is a catalyst to start using and a catalyst to stop

hopefully you find a catalyst to stop that isn't "i overdosed and was dead for two minutes" or "i hit a pedestrian with my car and went to jail for 5 years" or "i became homeless and got raped"

im not trying to be critical, sorry

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by reprise85

i didnt put a lot of thought into it

that's a terrible excuse

[reprise85]

im not trying to make an excuse. there's just some threads that you care about and put a lot of effort into and some you dont

i take responsibility for the thread. ill shut up now

[ilikeplanets]

because they said so

[ilikeplanets]

BUT YA AINT GOT SHIT TO LEARN HEEYUH

[Trotskilicious]

*cringe*

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by reprise85

i didnt have anything to stop for except i knew i was either going to stop or die very soon. i hadn't even gotten caught or anything

That's quite a lot to stop for, you know...you life.

[vixnix]

Iphone

[Starla]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

I just want the vicious and compulsive thoughts to stop and they won't, no matter what my behavior or body is like. I wish I had a script to Roxy, they're pretty much the only thing that mellows me out at the moment.

As long as you are using drugs to try and escape these feelings, you won't be able to get to the root cause of the compulsive thoughts and learn how to deal with them. It's not out of your reach to do this, even if you feel you are too far gone. I realize it all feels very out of control and you want it to just go away, but going about it this way will actually make you feel more out of control and it will get worse from here.

Poor nutrition, unstable electrolytes, and drug use is a cocktail for cardiac arrest.
You need to get into treatment. You are intelligent enough to understand what you are about to do to yourself and it's all in your hands which direction you want this to go in. You can get to the bottom of these problems and learn how to control your thoughts, but it's going to take determination and work on your part. It will be harder than reaching for something to numb you, but in the end, you will get to live a healthier a life without the obsessive thoughts being there every day.

[vixnix]

Set some goals for yourself ilp. How old are you again? I didn't stop till I was 24.

[ilikeplanets]

I act when the internet signal is threatened.

[vixnix]

Do you have any goals for yourself other than staying skinny and getting high?

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

That's quite a lot to stop for, you know...you life.

im just saying there wasn't anything external like becoming homeless or having an OD or getting caught or having a partner threaten to leave or anything like that

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Set some goals for yourself ilp. How old are you again? I didn't stop till I was 24.

goals are a good idea, but for me i needed to make them very short term (weeks - months) in the beginning. otherwise it was overwhelming. we dont want that

i first "stopped" when i was 22 (detoxed, started therapy, etc) but yeah i guess i was 25 when i really stopped

ilp i hope you can get some help, listen to starla

[redbreegull]

[Trotskilicious]

cringe

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by reprise85

im just saying there wasn't anything external like becoming homeless or having an OD or getting caught or having a partner threaten to leave or anything like that

Yeah but I said hopes and ambitions, etc., too. There has to be some motivation from within to counter the desire to give in and numb the pain again. You have to have some reason that means more to you than the relief that the addiction brings.

[vixnix]

Which is why goal setting is so important, so in those moments when you are tempted to give in, you can think of what it is you're aiming for or working towards, and make that choice to ride out the discomfort and do something else.

Self compassion is a huge thing too. You have to have more compassion for yourself ilp. Have compassion for the ilp who was so hurt she stopped nourishing her body so that the hunger would drown out everything else. When you make a mistake or lose a day to those recurring thoughts, tell yourself it's ok and you are working on it.

These are my guidelines which I am giving to you at no cost!
- set goals
- discover self compassion

[Trotskilicious]

killing myself right now