do any of you ever feel like you're supposed to kill yourself?

[reprise85]

i'm not talking like, want to kill yourself... or think about it... but supposed to, like you have to?

edit: i am not suicidal

[ilikeplanets]

no!? what, like it's fate? no ma'am, I'm a believer in free will

[reprise85]

no not like it's fate, like if you don't you'll be punished and somehow that is worse (yes i realize that doesn't make a lot of sense)

[TuralyonW3]

Do I need to call someone Erica

Cuz I will

Make me feel like I dont need to

[reprise85]

oh shit im sorry

you really really dont need to

im not in any danger, srsly, none at all

just having some weird thoughts come through my mind

threatening stuff

but i realize they will pass

im not suicidal at all i didnt mean to make it look like i am

[ilikeplanets]

Originally Posted by reprise85

no not like it's fate, like if you don't you'll be punished and somehow that is worse (yes i realize that doesn't make a lot of sense)

punished by who, you'll be dead. if you're thinking by a god figure, note that most god figures do not want their humans to act so rashly. yeah, make me feel like i don't need to call someone.

[MyOneAndOnly]

yikes

[reprise85]

it doesnt make any sense but it seems like i will be punished by a specific person even though they wouldnt give two shits in reality

how can i be punished with something worse than death?

well i cant

and im not talking god

it's funny how irrational it all is

[MyOneAndOnly]

are we gonna have to do an intervention on your ass?

[MyOneAndOnly]

by that I mean on YOU, as a person, not specifically on your ass, as in that part of your body

[reprise85]

no no damn i should have put a disclaimer I AM NOT SUICIDAL

[MyOneAndOnly]

that's the first thing a suicidal person would say!

[MyOneAndOnly]

to throw us off

[Future Boy]

how do you know its not god, are you a scientist?

[MyOneAndOnly]

how many days has it been since we had a suicidal thoughts thread?

[reprise85]

my last one was approximately 7 weeks ago

[MyOneAndOnly]

has it been that long? Shit!

[MyOneAndOnly]

[reprise85]

well it was like a week after i got off remeron and it's been about 7 weeks since then since i have dr appointments every 6 weeks. i got back on 15mg bout 10 days ago

i just halved it to 7.5 but it cant be that (literally been one night) - and it doesnt feel like depression suicidal ideation, more like PTSD bullshit. they do feel different

i'd just stay on 15 but it makes me binge at night and im tired of it. last night i was fine on 7.5 as far as eating. hopefully i wont get stupid depressed again

im not really depressed even i just had a tough therapy session and i said some stuff i've never told anybody before and i think she actually understands the complexity of it all (not like a woe is me i'm so complex, im talking about an actual complex situation i was in, well part of one, that is hard to describe because it's like... it's like trying to have empathy for someone who says they were abducted by space aliens... so beyond normal experience it is extremely surreal)

sorry /repblog

[MyOneAndOnly]

can you call your therapist and talk it out?

[Starla]

Originally Posted by reprise85

i'm not talking like, want to kill yourself... or think about it... but supposed to, like you have to?

edit: i am not suicidal

But these thoughts are still suicidal ideation. Check out the beck scale. Thinking about this in a passive way is still concerning.

[Starla]

Originally Posted by reprise85

well it was like a week after i got off remeron and it's been about 7 weeks since then since i have dr appointments every 6 weeks. i got back on 15mg bout 10 days ago

i just halved it to 7.5 but it cant be that (literally been one night) - and it doesnt feel like depression suicidal ideation, more like PTSD bullshit. they do feel different

i'd just stay on 15 but it makes me binge at night and im tired of it. last night i was fine on 7.5 as far as eating. hopefully i wont get stupid depressed again

im not really depressed even i just had a tough therapy session and i said some stuff i've never told anybody before and i think she actually understands the complexity of it all (not like a woe is me i'm so complex, im talking about an actual complex situation i was in, well part of one, that is hard to describe because it's like... it's like trying to have empathy for someone who says they were abducted by space aliens... so beyond normal experience it is extremely surreal)

sorry /repblog

A rough session can really take it out of you, but think about calling her back and letting her know about these thoughts. k? Also, is there a reason why you halved your dose? Is the dr instructing it?

edit* because it makes you hungry.... you may want to try binging on something healthy with less calories? Just saying.. playing with the dose can cause some probs.

[Shallowed]

I didn't know that song had a video. Hilarious.

As for the rest of this thread.. I'm not sure if I know that feel.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Starla

A rough session can really take it out of you, but think about calling her back and letting her know about these thoughts. k? Also, is there a reason why you halved your dose? Is the dr instructing it?

yeah my psychiatrist and i discussed me going back on 15 until i felt better and then trying to go to 7.5. he thought it would take 1-2 weeks

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Starla

A rough session can really take it out of you, but think about calling her back and letting her know about these thoughts. k? Also, is there a reason why you halved your dose? Is the dr instructing it?

scott, starla: i will email her and let her know and i'll call her if i feel like i'm in any danger at all

didnt mean to worry anyone

[dean_r_koontz]

Originally Posted by reprise85

i'm not talking like, want to kill yourself... or think about it... but supposed to, like you have to?

edit: i am not suicidal

I've felt this more and more the last three or so years, now that my arhtitis is slowly getting worse and my social phobia/hyper sensitivity hasn't improved. it feels like all the roads have always led to this point and it's been very foolish of me to struggle like i have. i recon it's the same feeling some people have when they are about to do something they've felt like doing for a long time but haven't had the guts to, like finally buying that hamock they always wanted. Just a feeling though, nothing to do with believing in a fate that's been predetermined by a diety or something like that.

[yo soy el mejor]

no. but sometimes i do come to the conclusion logically. logically for me, anyway.

i can't imagine living another 30 years.

[MyOneAndOnly]

Originally Posted by reprise85

scott, starla: i will email her and let her know and i'll call her if i feel like i'm in any danger at all

didnt mean to worry anyone

you sure you shouldn't talk to her anyway... even if you're not immediately going to do something like that. i mean... you're verbalizing it

you don't need to worry about making people worry... it's Ok

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by dean_r_koontz

I've felt this more and more the last three or so years, now that my arhtitis is slowly getting worse and my social phobia/hyper sensitivity hasn't improved. it feels like all the roads have always led to this point and it's been very foolish of me to struggle like i have. i recon it's the same feeling some people have when they are about to do something they've felt like doing for a long time but haven't had the guts to, like finally buying that hamock they always wanted. Just a feeling though, nothing to do with believing in a fate that's been predetermined by a diety or something like that.

sorry to hear you feel bad, dean

i used to feel terrible all the time... im very grateful for the relief i've gotten and that i have. sure i get like this sometimes, but it's nothing compared to feeling like this 24/7 for years... that wears on you like nothing else can.

do you mean have to like, it's the next step? like 'time to face my fear and go bungee jumping' (or whatever) would be a somewhat normal "next step" for someone, and this is just yours? next step death, it's the only way forward?

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

you sure you shouldn't talk to her anyway... even if you're not immediately going to do something like that. i mean... you're verbalizing it

you don't need to worry about making people worry... it's Ok

i will be ok, thanks though i do know when i would need to reach out to a professional, even though i havent needed to for a long time. i have the direct cell phones for both my docs... i very rarely call so they trust me to have them. no worries