Rolling Graveflower thread

[null123]

at least we still have this message board

[reprise85]

Sean, once I got some serious work done on my problems my addiction issues slowly went away, so I think you're right that it's possibly a reaction to something and not a gene/inherited thing.

I mean I enjoy my toke or a couple beers every once in a while but I don't live from high to high or drink to drink at all. Do you feel like you need Something all the time?

i feel like when you reach the point that you post pictures of an in-progress wrist-slitting, the message board is lost
i don't know why i did it
i was just sick of everyone thinking my depression is some character thing I do for laughs. and it is sometimes because my ability to laugh at anything is probably the number one thing that keeps me alive besides my cat
i'm just kind of annoyed that i had a moment of clarity and bandaged myself up and didn't cut any arteries or anything and had been sitting around listening to magma when someone warned me that someone on my friends list called the police. i think bonser must of gotten in touch with my friend kyle cause kyles the one who warned me.
like 20 minutes later i got a knock on the door. i hate talking to fucking police so much.
besides all the angry unfriending and blocking i did on facebook some of the few people i didn't have sent angry messages either on there or via text and i'm basically paranoid that i blew even the message board thing i had going for me

i guess i'm glad i did it all on here instead of hpn because i'm going to a hpn board party on june 16. i'm crash dieting for it.

[Pretzel Logic]

How far do you live from Philly, Graveflower?

Originally Posted by reprise85

Sean, once I got some serious work done on my problems my addiction issues slowly went away, so I think you're right that it's possibly a reaction to something and not a gene/inherited thing.

I mean I enjoy my toke or a couple beers every once in a while but I don't live from high to high or drink to drink at all. Do you feel like you need Something all the time?

i only ever drink to excess (anymore) when i'm really effing depressed
i mean i get drunk at parties but i control myself and know my limits now. i mean back in the day when i was puking up a storm when i first met geek usa that was only a few months after i first "broke edge" so i had no fucking idea what was too much. my solo drinking is specifically to try and drown out pain which sort of is a dumb idea seeing as alcohol is a depressant, but until mdma is legal i don't know of any other good mood drugs that would actually help

if i go out or have something to do i really never feel the need to drink unless everyone else is drinking. i mean me shaunna greg and our boy kyle all drank at a party and somehow i was the only one who kept it together and i had to walk kyle down stairs and to his apartment. it's only when i'm alone. despite the mutual hatred between my parents and i, when they leave me alone on a weekend the loneliness gets crushing. because even though i avoid them and barely talk to them, the feeling of just having nobody around kills me and
whatever
i don't know
i'm probably an alcoholic and should stop
or at least not do it alone
or just find something better to do. i wish they hadn't ruined four loko because i never got depressed on that, it was all good times

just something to think about

- The Party Ghoul

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Graveflower

i feel like when you reach the point that you post pictures of an in-progress wrist-slitting, the message board is lost
i don't know why i did it
i was just sick of everyone thinking my depression is some character thing I do for laughs. and it is sometimes because my ability to laugh at anything is probably the number one thing that keeps me alive besides my cat
i'm just kind of annoyed that i had a moment of clarity and bandaged myself up and didn't cut any arteries or anything and had been sitting around listening to magma when someone warned me that someone on my friends list called the police. i think bonser must of gotten in touch with my friend kyle cause kyles the one who warned me.
like 20 minutes later i got a knock on the door. i hate talking to fucking police so much.
besides all the angry unfriending and blocking i did on facebook some of the few people i didn't have sent angry messages either on there or via text and i'm basically paranoid that i blew even the message board thing i had going for me

i guess i'm glad i did it all on here instead of hpn because i'm going to a hpn board party on june 16. i'm crash dieting for it.

i dont think you blew anything, shit happens man.

all of it is comically tragic, i don't blame you for seeing some humor in it and in fact i think it's a good thing. IMO. some people probably find it very morbid or whatever.

i just wish for you you could get some real help because whatever help you are getting isn't working. specifically DBT - you have the classic behaviors that are helped with DBT. impulsive self harming activity that stays for a few hours and then passes and then comes again within a few hours/days/weeks. it can help you learn how to tolerate the thoughts and not entertain them when they come up. and then gradually when you dont feed them they can lessen or go away completely.

i mean there are few worse feelings then the morning after you cut the fuck out of your arm and thinking WTF is wrong with me, this will be here forever - i hate myself let me do it again, it doesn't matter now. plus shame, and all the comes with that, the hiding it from other people. it's a vicious cycle.

Originally Posted by Pretzel Logic

How far do you live from Philly, Graveflower?

1hr45m
used to live there and go there every weekend
one of the few good periods of my life

[Pretzel Logic]

I'm guessing you live up in north NJ then. I was going to say if you were still close to Philly I wouldn't mind meeting the Party King at some point while I'm back home. I have to move to southeastern Connecticut in August and I'll be about 40 minutes from NYC so if you ever want to meet up in the city, let me know. I won't know anyone up there when I move except for a few old college friends that live in NY so I'll be bored probably.

i wish i hadn't gone completely nuts just then
i should have taken up reprise on her offer
i mean she's a 99% match on OKC
i have no idea how she found my profile
maybe cause i linked it on HPN???

[reprise85]

lol thats exactly how i found it. somehow it came up here and i was on hipinion some night bored and came across a thread you posted it in

i totally forgot about that

the visitor i got after you was some girl in brooklyn who is a female feeder :erm

she's into fattening guys up. she's only a 56% match and frankly i'm not interested in being a gainer. too bad.

i really thought only dudes had that kind of creepy fetish

[reprise85]

yeah that's really weird.

[duovamp]

Originally Posted by Order 66

I can't believe I listened to the whole thing.

[Order 66]

i bought the album lastnight. for some reason

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by Order 66

with liz gone now i'm in the same boat :/

oh well. lifes a bithc

are you still in houston?

order66 can we be real friends if i agree to do four day a week psychiatry

karl connors in houston, liz moved back to kentucky

[Order 66]

yup. h-town for life :/

[Order 66]

Originally Posted by Graveflower

order66 can we be real friends if i agree to do four day a week psychiatry

yes just don't get blood on my carpet plz

[reprise85]

move to florida graveflower

[reprise85]

i have tile floors so the blood would be ok

[Order 66]

oops double post

[cocksure]

sean casey really needs someone to talk some sense into him

i've got a psychiatrist and therapist
i mean what else am i supposed to do to get sense talked into me

[KrazeeStacee]

lolz

[john's ego]

haaaaay

[MyOneAndOnly]

Jesus! How did I miss this?

I hope he's getting some help.