forcing communication

[exactlythesame]

in my current relationship, my gf and i have a strange way of communicating. i'm a pretty open individual and will share my thoughts on just about anything when asked (and sometimes when i'm not asked, if it assists the flow of conversation.) she, on the other hand, is very reserved and does not like to speak her mind, and even if queried, if i don't ask the exact right question, she has difficulty explaining how she feels.

my question, then, would be: how essential should our communication compatibility be in a healthy relationship? every once in a while i feel like maybe i'm not learning enough about her and this is concerning . . .

[hnibos]

"how essential should our communication compatibility be in a healthy relationship?"

Ask yourself that.

[Order 66]

hate to be dr. phil but communication is the keystone of a relationship. its okay to have awkward and/or vapid exchanges early on but if it goes on too long that's a huge red flag

[reprise85]

it's very important that you have complimenting interaction styles, one of the most important things in any relationship

[ilikeplanets]

If you guys cannot easily share your feelings you will both eventually feel unheard or like your s/o doesn't truly know you...that will wreck the relationship without a lot of care

[teh b0lly!!1]

but do you get head

[Nimrod's Son]

yeah she either needs to communicate well or suck a mean dick

[SuckSuckStyle]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

If you guys cannot easily share your feelings you will both eventually feel unheard or like your s/o doesn't truly know you...that will wreck the relationship without a lot of care

this.

how long have you been together?

i've been in your situation. the fact that you're already wondering about it is kind of a red flag.

eventually the only things you guys will talk about is practical stuff. you'll keep talking and sharing and she'll listen but eventually she will allow you to take the role of the speaker and she will take the role as the listener. this will make it even harder for her to open up and share when you need to have serious conversations down the line. you will feel emotionally jibbed from her; after a while you'll feel like your whole life is out on the table and she's still in month 4 of the relationship in terms of sharing how she feels. then you'll stop sharing. you'll both shut down and you'll probably eventually walk away feeling kind of bitter.

unless you talk to her about it now as light-hearted as possible; address it as something that's important to you because you care about making it work. see how she responds.

[Eulogy]

Originally Posted by hnibos

"how essential should our communication compatibility be in a healthy relationship?"

Ask yourself that.

uhhh yeah

wtf

[Toby]

I say just let the communication happen naturally...its obviously something she has to feel comfortable doing and the longer you guys date the easier it will be for her to communicate with you. So for now I suggest you just communicate with her in the manner that is most comfortable for her and don't force anything out of her because that's just reversing the process.

[slunken]

Originally Posted by exactlythesame

if i don't ask the exact right question, she has difficulty explaining how she feels.

this is THE WORST

[Toby]

Nobody is perfect, y'all.

[Toby]

Try talking to her in 140 characters or less.

[Toby]

It's a step in the right direction imo

[Dogfighter28]

Take her to church with you and ask for a pew handjob

If she refuses, end it

[duovamp]

Yeah if getting anything out of her is like pulling teeth then you need to pump and dump son.

[exactlythesame]

Originally Posted by SuckSuckStyle

how long have you been together?

i've been in your situation. the fact that you're already wondering about it is kind of a red flag . . . unless you talk to her about it now as light-hearted as possible; address it as something that's important to you because you care about making it work. see how she responds.

We've been together for three months now but were friends for about six months before that. I realize how damning that sounds now that I say it out loud.

Last night we talked until the early hours of the morning about some of these things. I brought up some serious things that were bothering me about our communication and some of the ways she acted when I was up there visiting her and while some of them hurt her feelings, they assisted in breaking down her emotional barriers that were preventing her from communicating honestly. She said that she didn't want to sleep until we really talked it out and I was impressed with that.

I finally saw some fire, passion, and real emotion in the way she was talking and it was encouraging.

Originally Posted by Toby

I say just let the communication happen naturally...its obviously something she has to feel comfortable doing and the longer you guys date the easier it will be for her to communicate with you. So for now I suggest you just communicate with her in the manner that is most comfortable for her and don't force anything out of her because that's just reversing the process.

This actually turned out to be some good advice. And while I didn't force anything out of her, it did take a catalyst for something to happen. I'm glad it did because beforehand I was starting to dread talking to her cause I knew it would be almost like conversational masturbation, which, while fun, grows old after a while.

Anyway, thanks for the advice, you guys are standup boarders. Cake for everyone.

[SuckSuckStyle]

Originally Posted by exactlythesame

We've been together for three months now but were friends for about six months before that. I realize how damning that sounds now that I say it out loud.

Last night we talked until the early hours of the morning about some of these things. I brought up some serious things that were bothering me about our communication and some of the ways she acted when I was up there visiting her and while some of them hurt her feelings, they assisted in breaking down her emotional barriers that were preventing her from communicating honestly. She said that she didn't want to sleep until we really talked it out and I was impressed with that.

I finally saw some fire, passion, and real emotion in the way she was talking and it was encouraging.

sweet. good for you for bringing it up and talking it out. seems like it was the right time in the relationship. and that's awesome that she responded the way she did.

[Starla]

Some people are just not good with communicating, and tend to internalize everything. I wouldn't push her to talk all of the time. See if you can study her non verbal actions and what you gather from this. Eventually with some patience and time, she may learn she can open up with you and talk more. Patience is the key though.

[slunken]

drone trailer

/wrists

[reprise85]

happy for you

[The Jesus]

Beat her until she talks.

[slunken]

my last relationship ended because we couldn't communicate effectively

[teh b0lly!!1]

Fart in her face

If she doesn't talk might as well use it to your advantage

[teh b0lly!!1]

God I hate how my fucking phone capitalizes every sentence.
Totally ruins my casual pimp style.