coll internet april fools jokes

[barden]

Originally Posted by bahnzah

The consensus among anthropologists is that eating meat was result of having discovered fire.

Just throwing that out there.

some monkeys eat meat. they dont make fires?

[FoolofaTook]

how do you know this? have you lived with them? shared their diet? their hopes? their dreams? their aspirations?

[Sonic Johnny]

you should try it, barden. Maybe some of the monkeys will like HORSE THE BAND

[barden]

SJ it's okay cause your taste sucks.

I worked with some baboons for a while.
By that I mean I worked with these guys when I worked on the lion park:


Mostly I got phone calls of disturbance and then had to go on the bike and chase them away.
Baboons eat meat.

Baboons and leopards also hate each other. It's weird.

[barden]

no fire.

[FoolofaTook]

that's what they'd like you to think.

don't be fooled.

[Sonic Johnny]

god Barden you're such a badass

[FoolofaTook]

hardcore badass, dude

[jammin]

the thing that pisses me off about most vegans is their love for that substitute meat/cheese/milk shit made out of soy. all these nature loving hippies don't take into account the environmental costs of the manufacturing and shipping of such an product. it's not like soy chicken grows anywhere.

my biggest issue with the meat industry is the environmental costs of those huge industrial meat farms. i hate that it's all heavily subsidized by the government. i hate that the cows are force-fed corn and grain because those crops are subsidized by the US gov't. then the oil consumed in the raising, slaughtering, and shipping is all subsidized until a pound of beef somehow costs less than a pound of carrots and it does not in the least reflect the amount of limited resources that go into it.

that being said, i know people need meat. most people don't want to eat a black bean whole grain burrito everyday to substitute a variety of meat products we've evolved to require.

some guy up there said anthropologists think people started eating meat because they discovered fire. i've read that human beings started eating meat about 2 million years ago when their growing brains started to require more calories than munching on random fruits and leaves would provide. add to that, there was a global climate change going on that reduced the number of trees in the area, also causing us to walk upright and for long distances in the newly formed grasslands. without eating meat (at the time), we wouldn't have survived as a species in the form we have now. fire came much later than meat eating.

but since we discovered how to cultivate high protein grasses like wheat some odd thousands and thousands of years ago, we haven't really needed meat and in most places, where the price of meat really reflects the worth of the overhead, people don't have meat every day and yet they survive.

basically, i just wish everyone would eat less meat.


EDIT: shit that's a long post. sorry.

[ilikeplanets]

My friend got fooled by a Toy Story 4 movie ad on IMDB with a good review and a bunch of hits where it said the toys killed Andy and got all excited about it and told us. Whoa.

[Toast]

http://www.doubleviking.com/dv/main....serialNumber=3

[duovamp]

That is the worst thing anybody could ever do to someone else.

[Eulogy]

oh my god that is gross

[Toast]

The key is not to fill all of them with mayo. Just disperse it randomly.

[ilikeplanets]

Funnier if you use body lotion

[EyesOfAJackal]

Originally Posted by jammin

some guy up there said anthropologists think people started eating meat because they discovered fire. i've read that human beings started eating meat about 2 million years ago when their growing brains started to require more calories than munching on random fruits and leaves would provide. add to that, there was a global climate change going on that reduced the number of trees in the area, also causing us to walk upright and for long distances in the newly formed grasslands. without eating meat (at the time), we wouldn't have survived as a species in the form we have now. fire came much later than meat eating.

but since we discovered how to cultivate high protein grasses like wheat some odd thousands and thousands of years ago, we haven't really needed meat and in most places, where the price of meat really reflects the worth of the overhead, people don't have meat every day and yet they survive.

Vitamin B12, necessary for proper nervous system function and utilized by every cell in the body for metabolism of DNA, fats, and energy, is only found naturally in animal products. It can be produced industrially as a bacterial product. In other words, we are evolved to require meat/animal product ingestion, period. It simply is not reasonable to debate the fact that our bodies are designed to eat meat.

Other points: Our small intestine is fairly short compared to mammalian herbivores, shorter like a cat/dog (meat features prominently in their diets), because animal protein is simple to break down in our intestines.

We can't digest cellulose in plant cell walls, unlike most land-grazing herbivores. One theory about the appendix is that it is a vestigial storehouse for bacteria that in the past would have allowed us to digest cellulose, but we no longer need such an apparatus for around-the-clock grazing because... we get more efficient energy from meat.

All plants have incomplete proteins, which you can certainly get around by eating a variety of them (ie whole grain and beans), but animal sources are a quick, simple, and abundant source of complete proteins.

Plant products have nonheme iron, which is less readily absorbed than heme iron, present in meat. Iron is also more plentiful in animal products. This is part of why vegan women more easily get iron-deficiency anemia.

There are a lot of portions of our diet that are easily provided in animal products (Zinc, Calcium, etc), that one has to go the extra mile in getting a diverse vegan diet to try and substitute for.

Finally, meats taste good to us as a species, and have been incorporated in traditional diets across the planet for millenia. Ancient human migration patterns are thought to have followed large animals for hunting, and the extinction of many large mammalian species closely follows human arrival in new areas like North America and Australia. Our oldest recorded domesticated animal, the dog, has evolved to help us not only detect intruders but track animals in a hunt. All for a reason.

Of course, in the sedentary, gluttonous American diet the bigger risk is overeating meat (and simply over-eating in general).

Originally Posted by jammin

basically, i just wish everyone would eat less meat.

This is definitely reasonable. Although the "meat" that we eat too much of us beef and pork that have been bred for thousands of years to contain unnaturally high amounts of fat, and fried chicken and the like. Reasonable amounts of lean poultry and fish are excellent components of a regular diet, and non-domesticated animals like bison and deer are far more reasonable than our obese farm luggards.

[EyesOfAJackal]

http://www.thestranger.com/images/bl...5801c3b218.jpg

[Trotskilicious]

it's dumb, it'll always be dumb.

[barden]

Originally Posted by Sonic Johnny

god Barden you're such a badass

why, because baboons eat meat?

[Eulogy]

BLOOMINGTON, Ill. -- A 16-year-old central Illinois girl has been given $150 in tickets after the worried victims of her April Fool's Day prank called police.

Bloomington police say the girl texted her friend and cousin Friday morning and said she'd been robbed and shot in the foot.

The pair called police, who rushed to a home where they found the 16-year-old safe. She hadn't been robbed or shot.

The (Bloomington) Pantagraph reports the girl received a $100 ticket for disorderly conduct and a $50 ticket for truancy because she wasn't in school Friday.

Police say she could have been criminally charged with filing a false police report.

Bloomington police spokesman Dave White says the friend and cousin did the right thing by calling police. They haven't been cited or charged.

[duovamp]

Sounds like the friend and cousin got the last laugh.

[FoolofaTook]

Originally Posted by barden

why, because baboons eat meat?

no because you're BARDEN, god among men

[Nimrod's Son]

Originally Posted by Eulogy

The pair called police, who rushed to a home where they found the 16-year-old safe. She hadn't been robbed or shot.

Bloomington police spokesman Dave White says the friend and cousin did the right thing by calling police. They haven't been cited or charged.

Originally Posted by Eulogy

Police say she could have been criminally charged with filing a false police report.

she didn't file the report, geniuses

[jammin]

Originally Posted by EyesOfAJackal

This is definitely reasonable. Although the "meat" that we eat too much of us beef and pork that have been bred for thousands of years to contain unnaturally high amounts of fat, and fried chicken and the like. Reasonable amounts of lean poultry and fish are excellent components of a regular diet, and non-domesticated animals like bison and deer are far more reasonable than our obese farm luggards.

ot$


like i said - i know people need the nutrients, but not necessarily the nutrients they're getting from the meat provided by the current industrial process.

i know some folks in OR who hunt elk and then store it in a freezer and feed their family for a year. that's much healthier than the meat in our supermarkets in the US.


over-fishing is an issue, too, and when the fish are farm raised, they don't eat the sort of foods (algae) necessary to provide those crucial omega-3's. there is a new fish farming practice going on in the great lakes that involves copious amounts of kelp to grow algae on and feed the fish. if that continues to work out, that would be a meat product i would consume/support financially.