Netphoria, please examine my new song lyrics for gramatical errors.

sickbadthing · 01-22-2010, 07:11 PM

Daddy was fat and loved tropical fish LYRICS:

Right in time little sister
God’s will cannot wait
Offer up your derision
Blood’s seething / I’m conceiving
Life’s intense when you brew your sorrow
Take a rest now it’s my turn

And now you rest your case
oh oh
And now I force me in
Our plan is succeeding
Don’t be afraid
God’s beholding our actions
Look for the time you waste

Little sister eyes stop seeing
Ears’ bumping from the inside
I’m start feeling so ravenous

I am divided
Bursting from within
I’m being praised and stimulated
I’m start feeling magical
I am dying
In the hands of God
I’m conceiving and seceding
Blasphemy is raising soon

This situation is getting oh so fragile
Every time we move apart from your desires
Hands start losing touch / Heart becomes so helpless
Restitute integrity by letting us defect

Shallowed · 01-22-2010, 07:48 PM

For starters, here's how the title should be capitalised:

"Daddy Was Fat and Loved Tropical Fish"

"And now I force me in"

Should be "force myself in" but that'd probably fuck up rhythm or something.

"Ears’ bumping from the inside"

I'm not sure why there is an apostrophe here.

"I’m start feeling magical"

I don't know what this is supposed to mean or say, possibly "I start feeling magical" or "I'm starting to feel magical", it's up to you.

"Restitute"

According to my spell checker, this isn't a real word.

slunken · 01-22-2010, 07:49 PM

Hey, I'm a songwriter myself.

sickbadthing · 01-22-2010, 07:49 PM

You really don't have any idea how to fix the grammar, do you

Shallowed · 01-22-2010, 07:53 PM

It's mostly up to you, as you know the most about the context of the song.

sickbadthing · 01-22-2010, 07:53 PM

What those aren't my lyrics

slunken · 01-22-2010, 07:57 PM

I like to draw from my own experiences and try to put those feelings and emotions into a song.

Shallowed · 01-22-2010, 07:57 PM

My heart is breaking.

sickbadthing · 01-22-2010, 07:59 PM

Guys, this situation is getting oh so fragile

slunken · 01-22-2010, 08:00 PM

Hey that's good can I use that?

cork_soaker · 01-22-2010, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sickbadthing

Guys, this situation is getting oh so fragile

life's intense when you brew your sorrow

ordinary apathy · 01-23-2010, 04:14 AM

Needs more oh's. Many more.

01-22-2010, 07:11 PM	#1
sickbadthing Out fart the hottie! Location: I have super gonorrhoea Posts: 24,316	Netphoria, please examine my new song lyrics for gramatical errors. Daddy was fat and loved tropical fish LYRICS: Right in time little sister God’s will cannot wait Offer up your derision Blood’s seething / I’m conceiving Life’s intense when you brew your sorrow Take a rest now it’s my turn And now you rest your case oh oh And now I force me in Our plan is succeeding Don’t be afraid God’s beholding our actions Look for the time you waste Little sister eyes stop seeing Ears’ bumping from the inside I’m start feeling so ravenous I am divided Bursting from within I’m being praised and stimulated I’m start feeling magical I am dying In the hands of God I’m conceiving and seceding Blasphemy is raising soon This situation is getting oh so fragile Every time we move apart from your desires Hands start losing touch / Heart becomes so helpless Restitute integrity by letting us defect

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01-22-2010, 07:48 PM	#2
Shallowed Braindead Posts: 17,798	For starters, here's how the title should be capitalised: "Daddy Was Fat and Loved Tropical Fish" "And now I force me in" Should be "force myself in" but that'd probably fuck up rhythm or something. "Ears’ bumping from the inside" I'm not sure why there is an apostrophe here. "I’m start feeling magical" I don't know what this is supposed to mean or say, possibly "I start feeling magical" or "I'm starting to feel magical", it's up to you. "Restitute" According to my spell checker, this isn't a real word.

01-22-2010, 07:49 PM	#3
slunken Virgo Posts: 39,745	Hey, I'm a songwriter myself.

01-22-2010, 07:53 PM	#5
Shallowed Braindead Posts: 17,798	It's mostly up to you, as you know the most about the context of the song.

01-22-2010, 07:57 PM	#7
slunken Virgo Posts: 39,745	I like to draw from my own experiences and try to put those feelings and emotions into a song.

01-22-2010, 07:59 PM	#9
sickbadthing Out fart the hottie! Location: I have super gonorrhoea Posts: 24,316	Guys, this situation is getting oh so fragile

01-22-2010, 08:00 PM	#10
slunken Virgo Posts: 39,745	Hey that's good can I use that?

01-23-2010, 04:14 AM	#12
ordinary apathy Ownz Location: Austin, TX Posts: 807	Needs more oh's. Many more.