Post here and I'll compare you to a baseball player

Originally posted by ******
oh... me me!

You are third baseman ADRIAN BELTRE of the Los Angeles Dodgers.



I can't possibly fathom how you're still an everyday player. You're supposed to be a power hitter, but you don't really hit very many HRs. Your average sucks this year, what's the deal? You should be a lot better than your stats indicate. Probably because you're one of the only players in the leauge that doesn't use performance enhancing drugs. How can I tell? Because you're only 170 lbs. Take a cue from Barry Bonds and get some human growth hormone. You'll be an all-star in no time.

Originally posted by sawdust restaurants
Oh, man, this is exciting.

You are pitcher MARK BUHERLE of the Chicago White Sox.



You should be a number one pitcher, but from what I've read it sounds like you don't want that pressure. Whatever dood. Doesn't look like you're handling the number two spot very well this year. 2-8 with a 5.01 ERA? What's the deal dogg? Shit.

Originally posted by manonkouch
I can't wait to see who I'm compared to.

You are pitcher CARLOS ZAMBRANO of the Chicago Cubs.

You throw that ball like a motherfucker. Of course you do, you play for the Cubs where they have power pitchers in spades. You're young and last year you had a nice season, and so far you've put together a good 2003. The Cubs will probably trade you for Dave Hanson or something stupid like that.

Originally posted by Sepiae
please do.

You are centerfielder CRAIG BIGGIO of the Houston Astros.



You are one of the greatest players of all time. Sorely underrated, you have hit for .280 almost every season of your career and you're a fixture at the top of the Astros line up. You get doubles like a motherfucker. You have played catcher, second base, and now centerfield, and have done well at all three. Crazy. I bet that fucking hill and the flagpole in Centerfield of Minute Maid Field (nee Enron) is fucking annoying, though. You'd be better at CF if there wasn't all that annoying shit out there. Hopefully you'll be enshrined in Cooperstown, but you've always been sorely underrated, so who really knows.

Originally posted by Helena Handbasket
ugh do me, baby.

You are pitcher PEDRO MARTINEZ of the Boston Red Sox.



You are one of the most dominant pitchers of all time. You get hurt a lot though. Shame about that. Your change-up is easily the best in the majors and it makes your fastball look a lot faster than it really is. You have one of the lowest career ERAs i've ever seen. The last time it was over three was back in 96 when you played for the Montreal Expos. That's pretty awesome. I really wish you'd bring a championship home for the Bosox but everyone knows there's a snowball's chance for that ever happening.

Originally posted by Mayfuck
And u r Tommy Lasorda cuz he's fat lol.

You are left fielder BARRY BONDS of the San Francisco Giants.



Holy fuck. You'd be a national treasure if you weren't such a gigantic asshole. What the fuck is your problem? Jesus. I always liked it when you and Jeff Kent would start bitching, because Kent had a point, you're a bastard. Maybe it's the steroids. I still can't believe you hit 73 home runs. That number is so high it's almost disgusting. You'll be in Cooperstown as soon as you're eligible, but for the love of Christ, why are you such an outrageous prick?

[dusty]

Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


You are pitcher PEDRO MARTINEZ of the Boston Red Sox.

gettin a little lazy there?

Originally posted by funnygeezus
*intrigued*

You are pitcher JOE KENNEDY of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.



I think you have pretty good stuff and you could turn out to be a pretty decent pitcher. Too bad you play for the Tampa Bay Double As. You're no superstar, but you're a very solid all around pitcher. It's kind of sad that you're the best pitcher the Devil Rays got, but you know, they fucking suck.

Originally posted by dusty
omigosh! i simply MUST know what baseball player you will make me be

You are closer TREVOR HOFFMAN of the San Diego Padres.



When you pitch at home, they start playing AC/DC's Hells Bells while you're warming up in the bullpen to close out the game. You are a bad motherfucker. When you come on the mound the game is over. You torch those motherfuckers and pile up strike outs. Kind of sucks that you're out for half the season, but the Padres have had a string of bad luck starting with Mike Dunn dying in that car accident.

Originally posted by jenny4ever
im curious

You are first baseman JEFF CONINE of the Baltimore Orioles.



You've always been a good, solid hitter. But not really a Superstar. You're one of the nicest guys in baseball. You have the dubious distinction of having won a World Seires with the '97 Marlins, but at least you played most of your career there. Then they rewarded you by trading you to the Royals.

[beef curtains]

THIS MAKES ME VERY ANGRY.

YOU@D BETTER GODDAMN TELL ME !

[jczeroman]

Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


You are left fielder ADAM DUNN of the Cincinnatti Reds.



Already in your short career you are a bonafide power hitter. You've only had one full season, but you already have 63 home runs. Keep that shit up and you may turn out to be the greatest homerun hitter in the majors.

I am feeling so confused right now... maybe I am gay or something?

[guz]

skipped me