being near your family

[pink_ribbon_scars]

i can't figure out what to talk about on here, but one thing that's been bothering me lately is that i don't know why i'm in houston, tx when i could be either closer to my family or somewhere much cooler (in my mind, these cooler places are places like argentina or ethiopia), but to get back to the point, i think the real idea is that i wish i lived nearer to my family. is anyone else is in my position? that is, your family is aging and their health is declining, and you sometimes feel a bad because you've chosen to live away from them? it's not a guilt thing for me, really, just a questioning of my choices, and a sincere preference to live nearer to them, while realizing how that would change my life in negative ways.

alternately, for those of you who chose to stay near your parents, how is it living near then and helping them as they grow older, and dealing closely with the aging of your grandparents if you still have those?

you don't really have to answer the questions. these things are what i sit aruond and think about quite a lot, but those of you who live near your parents might be able to say why my questions aren't the best ones, and i'd like to hear about that. i guess i'm really asking how are you dealing with how we're all aging? not really US, we're young, but those around us are getting old, and we're aging with them, too.

[exactlythesame]

My family moved from Atlanta, GA to a small, sleepy town in central Florida because of my mom's aging parents. Yes, that required a lot of adjustments, but she feels good knowing that if something were to happen that she had these past six / seven years with them.

My opinion might not be worth anything, since I'm not even twenty yet, but I know I'd want to be close to my parents once they start getting up in age.

[bja1288]

moving away from family makes u realize how much you need to have someone always there that you can talk to, and they always care about you. Adjusting from a close family of 6 to an antisocial dorm sux

[benjamin619]

I live in Oregon, my family in Southern California. I sometimes have the same thoughts you described, especially as I don't have many close friends in the state -- that adds to the burden. But California never suited me and being native isn't a justification for staying. It makes sense to move for family, sure, but for now and probably in the long-run, I know that I'm happier here; If you're meant to be someplace and with certain people, it shouldn't feel like a burden.

[Mayfuck]

do you have siblings?

i'm ready to leave california, but as long as being away from your family i dont guilt trip about that. i have two brothers who probably wont ever leave california that can look out for my parents if it ever comes to that situation.

[ammy]

i want to get out of california. if i stay here, i'll never be able to afford a house (well, i will, but uhhhgg). I want to move elsewhere, but i can't. The whole family - dan's and mine - is nearby (except my sister who's in oregon, and wants to come back to be closer to family).
i need to be near my family.

[pink_ribbon_scars]

yeah, that's part of it, i'm an only child. lately my family dog died, which to me is just one of those shitty things that happens, but it's torn my mom up. and now my grandma is in the hospital again with heart problems, and here i am sitting in houston for no really good reason. i don't feel guilty but i feel sort of stupid sometimes. it just seems like a dumb and selfish decision to live here. i like it here, but that much? i like my family more than ilike this locale. but i like freedom and excitement a lot. it just seems like in the last few years my sense of freedom and fun has declined, so my thoughts that i should live nearer to my family have increased... but you don't see me picking up and moving!

hi liz : (

[Nimrod's Son]

My closest relative is 3,500 miles away

[WeilandFan]

you're all old

[Shapan]

i like being close to my family. my brother is actually living back home for a couple of months before he gets matched for residency, so when i visit home it feels nice to have the family back together. im pretty attached to socal, i can see myself staying here. but if i have to move somewhere else for school you never know, i got pretty attached to new york when i went there every summer before college started.

[Rockin' Cherub]

i wish i didn't have to live with my mom but now that my parents are basically divorced she's going to move out soon and i'll have this house for myself which is awesome because i was thinking of creating a kiddy porn dungeon

[Trotskilicious]

liz you have a responsibility with your life first. i think every family goes through this, my dad's side is all spread out across the country and they went back to Illinois to visit when the grandparents were dying but you have to make your own life.

it all really depends on how important family is to you, anyway. I don't think you should feel bad about "sitting in Houston for no damn reason." Besides, I need to get out there sometime so you can show me what is to like about Houston because all I've seen are strip malls and suburbs and a hazy bubble of pollution over the place.

and ethiopia is so not cool.

[Rhinoceros990]

Well as far as the aging, my parents are young, so I don't have to worry about that for a long time yet. But for me...with the exception of maybe moving back to Charleston, chances are that I'll move far away in some years. If not out of this country, then at least a good way from this state. This is something that I've known I would do for years and the older I get the more I see my parents fight against it. The rest of my family supports me with this however.

The thing is, I love my family, we've been through a lot together, but I don't feel physically attached. I'm an only child, I homeschooled for most of my life, I've always been rather anti-social - two and half months into college and I STILL don't even talk to anyone. I've been pretty much self-sufficent for years. I hear college students around me all the time talking about their homelife and I wonder, my god - these are legal ADULTS now? They can't even wash their own clothes!

So no. I've even lived across the country for a few months some years ago. I won't have a problem with going away on my own. Like i said my parents are young, they don't need me now, they're just used to me. They've had me their entire married life, they just don't really know what to expect after I'm gone.

[Sepiae]

I moved away from home about a year and a half ago. My family lives in North Carolina and I live in Massachusetts. It's hard because I just don't want to live there, but I miss them terribly and think about moving back often. My brother is only 17. I left for college when he was 12 and there's just so much I've missed of his life. My sister is my best friend and it's hard to be away from her for prolonged periods of time. My dad isn't in great health and my biggest fear is something happening and not getting home in time. Which makes it sound like I must be miserable up here, but I'm not.

What makes things even harder is that I can't afford to go down there very often. My dad isn't big on traveling and my mom is unlikely to come up here by herself. I mentioned to my friends last night that I haven't seen my parents since last Christmas and they couldn't believe it. I think it'd be easier if I could go there more, but I can't.

So, even though I have siblings I feel bad for not being there. When my brother almost died last summer, I spent almost $100 on Red Sox stuff to send to him because I felt so guilty for not being able to be by his side in the hospital. They understand that I need to do my thing and are very supportive, but I wish I could move them all up here.

On the plus side, I do feel like if I want to live somewhere else eventually, it will be easier to move there since I'm already far from home.

[brendo_91]

Dad died about a year and a half ago. I would feel guilty moving out of home leaving Mum by herself, so I stay.

[beef curtains]

We live in the same town as my mom and my sister/her husband

We're trying to move away. Hopefully I'll get a job in Seattle and then we'll be near Greg's family.

I don't feel any sense of obligation to move to be near family or any sense of guilt about moving away from other family members. Our families are historically not that close, and in some ways distance makes it easier to get along with certain people.

I think this is why we're both antisocial weirdos. Life is for living though. I refuse to be bound to some shitty town for the sake of other people and the world's too big to live in the same place forever.

If you want to move Liz, then do it! You moved to Houston on your own... you're strong enough to thrive in almost any situation. Set your mind to what you want, and just do it. Figuring that out is often the hard part though. Pros and cons list? If nothing else it'll give you an idea of what you're leaning towards.

[mxzombie]

yeah, my family's not too close either. i've got a sister in ontario, a brother in idaho, and another sister with my parents in panama. and i'm in miami. and i'll be damned if i move to panama just to be near my parents. but that's part of the reason my parents moved there in the first place--to be near my dad's family.

[SP4Me]

I'm very close to my family. When my husband and I were looking to buy a house I absolutely refused to look outside of the town we grew up in. Its not the most exciting place in the country, but it's where almost all of our friends and family are and I have no desire to live away from them.

This will really tell you guys how crazy I am, but when my husband and I first got married, I cried our first night in our new place because I missed my little brother and we were only living 2 blocks from him. Sad huh?

[Crunchy Black]

my family is a bit like the Bundrens so being close to them isnt that great

[Crunchy Black]

actually i would probably like it if they were like the bundrens

[ravenguy2000]

I'm fine with being away from my parents. It bothers me sometimes I guess but not that much or often.

I don't like being away from my sister and her two kids. I don't like the idea that they'll only get to hang out with Uncle Matt a few times a year and they both seem to really like me which makes me sad. I guess also because having two nephews might be the closest I ever get to actually having kids of my own.

And I miss her a lot, too. The other day I told her I was going to Whole Foods to pick up some stuff and she said offhandedly "Aw, I want to come" and I just wanted to be like...I mean. I really wished she could come, too. I got a bit teary eyed. I'm a bit teary now just typing this.

[Crunchy Black]

"let the dead bury the dead"

[BlissedandGone2]

Originally Posted by WeilandFan

you're all old

we all know going through puberty can be tough. we're all here for you.

[Toby]

I'm only 3 hours from my folks, but for 5 years my mom lived 14 hours away and I saw her *maybe* once a year....Financial burdens, etc.

Now that she is closer I still only see her a few times a year, but me and Kiley are itching to get out of Memphis and maybe move to middle tennessee, especially with my dad's cancer and all. I guess we'll see where life takes us, but I def. want to be closer to my mom. I'm a real momma's boy =/

[bardy]

My parents are in VA and I'm in CA right now. I don't have any plans to move back home ever. I do miss them but I know that I am happier out here and they would be very upset with me if I moved home (they know how much I hate it there).

That being said, if I were somewhere I wasn't happy... I might consider moving closer to home... but maybe just closer as in driving distance. And if my mom got really sick I'd probably either fly home a lot more often or move closer to her until she ummm was not with us anymore.

[bja1288]

Originally Posted by Crunchy Black

my family is a bit like the Bundrens so being close to them isnt that great

ahh, so ur the type to carry your mother around in a coffin.

[Lucy Sky Diamonds]

My parents live in a suburb that's only a 20 minute drive away, but I don't see them very often. We don't get along too well and we're both very talented at finding good excuses not to see each other (I don't drive and public transportation in their suburb is balls, our work schedules are all very very different, our days off don't coincide, my mom refuses to take the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment, etc), but my mom calls me every fucking day, even though she has nothing to say. I'd be a lot happier if they were a 2-8 hour drive away, since they annoy the crap out of me.

The main reason I'm sticking around right now (aside from actually enjoying the city) is simply that my maternal grandfather has terminal colon cancer. He's decided not to go through chemo since he's 82, and it's really just a matter of time right now. When my grandmother died a few years ago, my mom just shut down and couldn't handle any of the funeral planning and taking care of her personal matters, so I ended up doing most of that for her. I'm not going to abandon her right now, since it's only a matter of months right now. My uncle lives 2 hours away and he's the most irresponsible person I have ever met, he won't be of much use when the time comes. I wish I had siblings to share the responsibilities with, cause it's a big burden to bear alone.

My dad's family lives in the middle of nowhere, BC. I've only met my grandmother 3 times and my aunt twice, and I feel very little for these people that I don't know. Even when my grandmother lived within driving distance from us, I never saw her very much.

Once I help my mom take care of things after my grandfather passes away, I'm taking off to South Korea or Taiwan to teach English for a year or two. I'm really tired of the short leash I've been on.

[sppunk]

1450 miles is too close.

And I adore my parents.