self-doubt fucking sucks

Random Female · 04:56 PM

MMk so i've had my ego promptly torn up and stomped on in the last two days. I've always been aware of my faults, but i've always made an attempt to hide them from the people i hold in high respect. there are things I know i suck at, such as math and articulating what I mean to say, but htere are also certain things i think i am good at, such as writing and reading to comprehend. and when someone says I suck at those things, man, does it fucking hurt.

yesterday i went to my 3 hour writing of criticism class. I grow more and more impressed by my teacher every time i go, because he is absolutely one of the brightest and most intelligent individuals i have ever met. I've read some of his own essays and criticisms, and they are superb. we read essays by wordsworth and coleridge and i swear to God he is as intelligent in that respect as they are. However, he is intimidating as fuck. and imagine having to write an essay and hand it in to someone who you know is one of the most intelligent individuals yo have ever met. No matter HOW good your essay is, there's simply no way you can do that with confidence, because you know he simply loathes every second of reading it.

So i had turned in my essay, not hte best i'd written but not the worst. If i had to grade myself, and i am really, REALLY hard on myself i'd give myself a B. he hands all our essays back and sayst hat he didn't put grades on them yet cos they all suck ass and he wants them to be re-written. then, instead of reading parts of GOOD sentences or papers aloud, he reads sentences that suck ass. of course he read one of my sentences, but this isn't too bad because he read at least one sentence from almost half the class at random. My essay had been torn apart like nothing i have ever seen. almost every sentence is underscored, the margins filled with demeaning criticisms... oh man it goes on and on. basically i have to rewrite the fuckin thing knowing how hard he is on grading, how smart he is and how much he fuckin hated reading it in the first place.

It's not like everyone's not in the same boat... some girl started crying when she got her's back... but still. it sucks.

Oh. and I took the GRE this morning! Ha. you get your math and verbal scores immediately, and i sucked ass on the math as i expected, but i did worse on the verbal than I expected. above average, but christ i'm a fucking english major. i should do better than "above average." i think i diid good on the analytical which i won't get back for a while but goddamn.

so now it's all snowballing on me... is this just a hard teacher or should i always be feeling as incompetent as I feel right now? Are standardized tests really full of shit or DO they indicate something? fuck. grr.

spa ced · 10-04-2002, 04:55 PM

Your teacher sounds intelligent but he's also an asshole because he shouldn't have read those lines out loud. He just did that to embarress you, not to help you out...It's a scare tactic.
Giving you the input on the paper would have been good enough.
Sounds like a real jerk to me.

Mood ring · 10-04-2002, 05:17 PM

He probably understands what level you need to be at to be considered good. It's college right? Touchy-feely instructors can be OK (there's more than enough of those, arent there?), but I'd rather have an instructor like this guy because at least then you know where you stand.

FearFactory · 10-04-2002, 05:43 PM

Well, now you realize that you're not quite as good at writing as you previously thought. Also, at least he didn't give names out when reading the shitty sentences so it's not like he was out to embarrass anyone.

DeviousJ · 10-04-2002, 05:57 PM

Sounds like one of those movies where you start out hating the guy for his attitude, but you end up thinking he's the best thing to ever happen to your work. In fact, it sounds like that episode of My So Called Life with the substitute teacher

scouse_dave · 06:03 PM

sometimes the hard road is the best road...

the history teacher i had when i was 16/17 was like that. he'd read everyone's grade out in front of the class and comment on it (normally in a derogatory manner).

he was potentially the best teacher i ever had in the 17 years of my education.

too many teachers tell you the stuff you write is 'good'; mainly cos they don't wanna retread the basic rules of ENGLISH, not nec. anything to do with the subject matter in hand, that you should have learned 5-10 years earlier. it's easier for them to just comment on the course material you've included. that way they can get to do less work and can go home early to watch ER or whatever they wanna do. style counts for a lot..especially correct grammar, spelling, punctuation etc

the number of so-called college-level essays i've read that i would deem a disgrace is astonishing. i think people think that cos they're studying 'english' that their writing style must be excellent as a result. it doesn't.

scouse_dave · 10-04-2002, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Random Female
Oh. and I took the GRE this morning! Ha. you get your math and verbal scores immediately

what did you get?

Random Female · 10-04-2002, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by scouse_dave

what did you get?

fuckin 610 for verbal and 380 for math. 380 oh my fuckin god. anyway. i think i did very well on the analytical, but i won't know for a couple weeks.

anyway, now that i have some distance from the reading of the essay part of it, in a way i'm glad he's so harsh.

someo f his comments make sense. he writes intelligibly enough for me to decipher them, but some of his comments are like eh? I thought diction referred to speech. and this is true. i need to see it positively as for once a teacher giving me an honest opinion for the work I did and not just curving it to what the class has done.

10-04-2002, 04:51 PM	#1
Random Female Apocalyptic Poster Location: white folks' ghetto, San Diego Posts: 2,005	self-doubt fucking sucks MMk so i've had my ego promptly torn up and stomped on in the last two days. I've always been aware of my faults, but i've always made an attempt to hide them from the people i hold in high respect. there are things I know i suck at, such as math and articulating what I mean to say, but htere are also certain things i think i am good at, such as writing and reading to comprehend. and when someone says I suck at those things, man, does it fucking hurt. yesterday i went to my 3 hour writing of criticism class. I grow more and more impressed by my teacher every time i go, because he is absolutely one of the brightest and most intelligent individuals i have ever met. I've read some of his own essays and criticisms, and they are superb. we read essays by wordsworth and coleridge and i swear to God he is as intelligent in that respect as they are. However, he is intimidating as fuck. and imagine having to write an essay and hand it in to someone who you know is one of the most intelligent individuals yo have ever met. No matter HOW good your essay is, there's simply no way you can do that with confidence, because you know he simply loathes every second of reading it. So i had turned in my essay, not hte best i'd written but not the worst. If i had to grade myself, and i am really, REALLY hard on myself i'd give myself a B. he hands all our essays back and sayst hat he didn't put grades on them yet cos they all suck ass and he wants them to be re-written. then, instead of reading parts of GOOD sentences or papers aloud, he reads sentences that suck ass. of course he read one of my sentences, but this isn't too bad because he read at least one sentence from almost half the class at random. My essay had been torn apart like nothing i have ever seen. almost every sentence is underscored, the margins filled with demeaning criticisms... oh man it goes on and on. basically i have to rewrite the fuckin thing knowing how hard he is on grading, how smart he is and how much he fuckin hated reading it in the first place. It's not like everyone's not in the same boat... some girl started crying when she got her's back... but still. it sucks. Oh. and I took the GRE this morning! Ha. you get your math and verbal scores immediately, and i sucked ass on the math as i expected, but i did worse on the verbal than I expected. above average, but christ i'm a fucking english major. i should do better than "above average." i think i diid good on the analytical which i won't get back for a while but goddamn. so now it's all snowballing on me... is this just a hard teacher or should i always be feeling as incompetent as I feel right now? Are standardized tests really full of shit or DO they indicate something? fuck. grr. __________________ When you hear sweet syncopation And the music softly moans T'ain't no To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. to take off your skin And dance around in your bones Last edited by Random Female : 10-04-2002 at 04:56 PM.

10-04-2002, 04:55 PM	#2
spa ced Braindead Location: Machu Picchu Posts: 15,291	Your teacher sounds intelligent but he's also an asshole because he shouldn't have read those lines out loud. He just did that to embarress you, not to help you out...It's a scare tactic. Giving you the input on the paper would have been good enough. Sounds like a real jerk to me. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. No contaban con mi astucia!

10-04-2002, 05:43 PM	#4
FearFactory Socialphobic Location: the stars Posts: 10,493	Well, now you realize that you're not quite as good at writing as you previously thought. Also, at least he didn't give names out when reading the shitty sentences so it's not like he was out to embarrass anyone. __________________ I'm tired of searching for myself.

10-04-2002, 06:00 PM	#6
scouse_dave Minion of Satan Location: Manchester Posts: 5,089	sometimes the hard road is the best road... the history teacher i had when i was 16/17 was like that. he'd read everyone's grade out in front of the class and comment on it (normally in a derogatory manner). he was potentially the best teacher i ever had in the 17 years of my education. too many teachers tell you the stuff you write is 'good'; mainly cos they don't wanna retread the basic rules of ENGLISH, not nec. anything to do with the subject matter in hand, that you should have learned 5-10 years earlier. it's easier for them to just comment on the course material you've included. that way they can get to do less work and can go home early to watch ER or whatever they wanna do. style counts for a lot..especially correct grammar, spelling, punctuation etc the number of so-called college-level essays i've read that i would deem a disgrace is astonishing. i think people think that cos they're studying 'english' that their writing style must be excellent as a result. it doesn't. __________________ i could be a genius...if i put my mind to it Last edited by scouse_dave : 10-04-2002 at 06:03 PM.

10-04-2002, 05:17 PM	#3
Mood ring Banned Location: Between Sun and Moon Posts: 686	He probably understands what level you need to be at to be considered good. It's college right? Touchy-feely instructors can be OK (there's more than enough of those, arent there?), but I'd rather have an instructor like this guy because at least then you know where you stand.

10-04-2002, 05:57 PM	#5
DeviousJ CORNFROST Location: GUREITO DESU YO Posts: 24,891	Sounds like one of those movies where you start out hating the guy for his attitude, but you end up thinking he's the best thing to ever happen to your work. In fact, it sounds like that episode of My So Called Life with the substitute teacher