the truth about ndugu.

Isle · 01-05-2005, 07:58 PM

well ladies and gentlemen, i suppose there's little to be gained from hiding it any longer- i have decided to tell you the real story about ndugu and our relationship....it all began three years ago, when i was on safari in botswana.

i stopped one day in the town of Penhalonga to rest, but of course the jeep was mobbed by poor kids asking for money. i managed to avoid them and got to my hotel. later that afternoon i woke up to find a strange smell in the room coming from the closet. so i went into indiana jones mode and snatched the guy who was hiding in there. i was met with these wide eyes and this little kid just stood there looking at me. i was surprised, thinking it would be a bandit or a cheetah. but then he said "wan monee" for the first time. so i got him thrown out, but realised he had taken my watch a few minutes later. so i chased him down the street and eventually he lead me into a clearing in the jungle. he'd disappeared so i called out. "come back here you little cunt!!". and that's when the lion jumped on me. i hit the deck like a sack of potatoes, holding this big fucker off, scared shitless. i called out for help, and just when i thought i was a goner, a rock hit this fucking lion in the head. he looks pissed as a nigga down at the club when you've spilled his drink. he just ignores me and walks over me, eyes set on some other, tastier snack. i couldn't believe it, so i got my shit together and watched him. it was this kid who took my watch. the lion just walks towards him like "I'm gonna fucking kill you." and then this kid does the unbelievable. he lifts up his mudflap, and he's got no cock. like it's been removed. he grabs a sharp stone and cuts off his balls. i'm like WTF. and he throws them into the lion's mouth and it fucking dies in a second. so i'm like "WUT!! KID!! YOU CHOPPED YOUR BALLS OFF!" and he just looks at me like it ain't no thang and says "wan monee" so i say "well fuck, i guess so!" so i give him some change. he does one of those big banana smiles you see the kids do in charity commercials and leads me back to town. i'm still in shock and says "ndugu sell penis for food" and i'm like wtf. "is your name ndugu?" i ask. he just looks at me like he does in his avatar. so we get back to town and over the next few weeks we become good friends. he doesn't say much but he becomes my safari guide and we have a bunch of adventures together. then one night i bring out my guitar, and he's never seen one before, so he's like

. he's mesmerized and gets to know some of the songs i play, and even sings along. in fact, he turns out to be a pretty good singer, so i help him a little bit with his english, and soon we're out on the streets busking together. he remembers one song, his favourite- "more than a feeling" by boston. that was the only song he ever wanted to sing. i told him if we busked hard and got enough money, we could be the first big rock band in botswana. he was so happy, but he started to get ideas. he wanted creative control and his ego went through the roof. then one day, he said "ndugu sad so ndugu go start band for boston covers, bye bye" and walked out. turns out he called his band "ndugu band and the go to bostons". and, surprisingly, he got his shit together and the band was playing in under a week. i couldn't believe it. later that month, his band recorded a single with their busking money and it was the first popular song ever made by a botswanan band. it was an original song, astonishingly, called "wan monee more than a feeling". it was pretty deep, about how charity doesn't do enough to aid the needy. he got an award for it too. but then the problems started. he had it all, for a while: fat botswanan women, crappy old cars, monee- the best his country had to offer. but then the drugs hit him and he lost everything. and that's when he came crawling back. he spent his last monee at an internet cafe, and while looking for jobs, stumbled across netphoria. it must have been fate. i couldn't believe he of all people would show up here, but i didn't oppose him- it was his last shot, and incredibly he made it work. he rose quickly through the ranks of netphorian status to become last year's best loved newcomer. then, tragically, while on a trip to get water several hundred miles east of home, he was swept away by a freak wave and lost his life. then, miraculously, god gave him a second chance- turns out ndugu had been a good boy in heaven, helping all the spirits of those who had died from the tsunami find their way in the afterlife. so god said "ndugu...i blew all my money on that tsunami, i'm sorry guy. i thought it would be funny. but i tell you what, if you can get your friends on earth to pay for your ticket i'll send you back to botswana, deal?" so ndugu prevailed and got his back to b-town. now he's just started at a local missionary church. so from now on, address him as pastor ndugu. i don't know when he'll be back here, but please, treat him with respect, he has divine connections.

thankyou for reaing this and i hope you all feel a little bit more comfortable in your comparitively luxurious lives.

btw, also check out ndugu's autobiography "ndugu: my life" which comes out at good bookstores next week.

-isle

Mason R Butler · 01-05-2005, 08:03 PM

Triple T · 01-05-2005, 08:03 PM

What the fuck baby? You know you need format that shit! Or Terry's gonna have to give you a slice of his special cake, PAIN cake! And beli me, you WON'T want seconds of that.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

the · 01-05-2005, 08:04 PM

i still think it was all your fault

the · 01-05-2005, 08:06 PM

did you ask him if penisless men get horni?

Isle · 01-05-2005, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by the
did you ask him if penisless men get horni?

i will, when he calls me

RatInACage · 01-05-2005, 08:09 PM

http://pbskids.org/arthur/backstreet...backstreet.gif

GlasgowKiss · 01-05-2005, 08:10 PM

Ok thats 3 times iv tried to start reading that. But i still cant be arsed.

Isle · 01-05-2005, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RatInACage
http://pbskids.org/arthur/backstreet...backstreet.gif

that is NOT ndugu or his band

the · 01-05-2005, 08:14 PM

no,

THIS IS:

Attached Images

best_picture_ever.jpeg (52.2 KB, 154 views)

Isle · 01-05-2005, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by the
no,

THIS IS:

no that's ndugu with ME. well i guess i was his *real* band.

the · 01-05-2005, 08:17 PM

woah, chill nigga. that's what i meant!

no need to get all http://forums.netphoria.org/wwwboard/icons/icon8.gif with me

Isle · 01-05-2005, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by the
woah, chill nigga. that's what i meant!

no need to get all http://forums.netphoria.org/wwwboard/icons/icon8.gif with me

sorry.

the · 01-05-2005, 08:26 PM

YOU LOOK LIKE SHREK THO

Voice Implodes · 08:47 PM

http://www.sanjuanislander.com/image...a/DSCN5605.jpg

jenn · 01-05-2005, 09:06 PM

i love you isle.

Isle · 01-05-2005, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by melancholia
i love you isle.

i love you like the breeze on a hazy summer's afternoon.

Isle · 01-06-2005, 07:52 AM

bump. all the world must know.

the · 01-06-2005, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Voice Implodes
http://www.sanjuanislander.com/image...a/DSCN5605.jpg

noOOooOoooooooooooooooOOooOooo

NOT THE HIPPO!!!

JAMBA KLINGELTOOOOOOOON

the · 01-06-2005, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Isle
bump. all the world must know.

hi mang, i just woke up. any news from the nigga?

DieDiemydarling · 01-06-2005, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by melancholia
i love you isle.

mistle · 01-06-2005, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by the

noOOooOoooooooooooooooOOooOooo

NOT THE HIPPO!!!

JAMBA KLINGELTOOOOOOOON

plus one. the hippo sucks and whoever jamba hired to make those stupid commercials for them should have their asses kicked

01-05-2005, 07:58 PM	#1
Isle Braindead Location: Unison Posts: 19,375	the truth about ndugu. well ladies and gentlemen, i suppose there's little to be gained from hiding it any longer- i have decided to tell you the real story about ndugu and our relationship....it all began three years ago, when i was on safari in botswana. i stopped one day in the town of Penhalonga to rest, but of course the jeep was mobbed by poor kids asking for money. i managed to avoid them and got to my hotel. later that afternoon i woke up to find a strange smell in the room coming from the closet. so i went into indiana jones mode and snatched the guy who was hiding in there. i was met with these wide eyes and this little kid just stood there looking at me. i was surprised, thinking it would be a bandit or a cheetah. but then he said "wan monee" for the first time. so i got him thrown out, but realised he had taken my watch a few minutes later. so i chased him down the street and eventually he lead me into a clearing in the jungle. he'd disappeared so i called out. "come back here you little cunt!!". and that's when the lion jumped on me. i hit the deck like a sack of potatoes, holding this big fucker off, scared shitless. i called out for help, and just when i thought i was a goner, a rock hit this fucking lion in the head. he looks pissed as a nigga down at the club when you've spilled his drink. he just ignores me and walks over me, eyes set on some other, tastier snack. i couldn't believe it, so i got my shit together and watched him. it was this kid who took my watch. the lion just walks towards him like "I'm gonna fucking kill you." and then this kid does the unbelievable. he lifts up his mudflap, and he's got no cock. like it's been removed. he grabs a sharp stone and cuts off his balls. i'm like WTF. and he throws them into the lion's mouth and it fucking dies in a second. so i'm like "WUT!! KID!! YOU CHOPPED YOUR BALLS OFF!" and he just looks at me like it ain't no thang and says "wan monee" so i say "well fuck, i guess so!" so i give him some change. he does one of those big banana smiles you see the kids do in charity commercials and leads me back to town. i'm still in shock and says "ndugu sell penis for food" and i'm like wtf. "is your name ndugu?" i ask. he just looks at me like he does in his avatar. so we get back to town and over the next few weeks we become good friends. he doesn't say much but he becomes my safari guide and we have a bunch of adventures together. then one night i bring out my guitar, and he's never seen one before, so he's like . he's mesmerized and gets to know some of the songs i play, and even sings along. in fact, he turns out to be a pretty good singer, so i help him a little bit with his english, and soon we're out on the streets busking together. he remembers one song, his favourite- "more than a feeling" by boston. that was the only song he ever wanted to sing. i told him if we busked hard and got enough money, we could be the first big rock band in botswana. he was so happy, but he started to get ideas. he wanted creative control and his ego went through the roof. then one day, he said "ndugu sad so ndugu go start band for boston covers, bye bye" and walked out. turns out he called his band "ndugu band and the go to bostons". and, surprisingly, he got his shit together and the band was playing in under a week. i couldn't believe it. later that month, his band recorded a single with their busking money and it was the first popular song ever made by a botswanan band. it was an original song, astonishingly, called "wan monee more than a feeling". it was pretty deep, about how charity doesn't do enough to aid the needy. he got an award for it too. but then the problems started. he had it all, for a while: fat botswanan women, crappy old cars, monee- the best his country had to offer. but then the drugs hit him and he lost everything. and that's when he came crawling back. he spent his last monee at an internet cafe, and while looking for jobs, stumbled across netphoria. it must have been fate. i couldn't believe he of all people would show up here, but i didn't oppose him- it was his last shot, and incredibly he made it work. he rose quickly through the ranks of netphorian status to become last year's best loved newcomer. then, tragically, while on a trip to get water several hundred miles east of home, he was swept away by a freak wave and lost his life. then, miraculously, god gave him a second chance- turns out ndugu had been a good boy in heaven, helping all the spirits of those who had died from the tsunami find their way in the afterlife. so god said "ndugu...i blew all my money on that tsunami, i'm sorry guy. i thought it would be funny. but i tell you what, if you can get your friends on earth to pay for your ticket i'll send you back to botswana, deal?" so ndugu prevailed and got his back to b-town. now he's just started at a local missionary church. so from now on, address him as pastor ndugu. i don't know when he'll be back here, but please, treat him with respect, he has divine connections. thankyou for reaing this and i hope you all feel a little bit more comfortable in your comparitively luxurious lives. btw, also check out ndugu's autobiography "ndugu: my life" which comes out at good bookstores next week. -isle

01-05-2005, 08:45 PM	#15
Voice Implodes Minion of Satan Location: upstairs Posts: 6,823	http://www.sanjuanislander.com/image...a/DSCN5605.jpg Last edited by Voice Implodes : 01-05-2005 at 08:47 PM.

01-05-2005, 08:03 PM	#2
Mason R Butler walks among us Location: MNUSA Posts: 7,768

01-05-2005, 08:03 PM	#3
Triple T Pledge Location: Browntown. Posts: 98	What the fuck baby? You know you need format that shit! Or Terry's gonna have to give you a slice of his special cake, PAIN cake! And beli me, you WON'T want seconds of that. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

01-05-2005, 08:04 PM	#4
the Minion of Satan Location: ajksaksak. Posts: 7,794	i still think it was all your fault

01-05-2005, 08:06 PM	#5
the Minion of Satan Location: ajksaksak. Posts: 7,794	did you ask him if penisless men get horni?

01-05-2005, 08:09 PM	#7
RatInACage Pledge Location: n3t4ia Posts: 116	http://pbskids.org/arthur/backstreet...backstreet.gif

01-05-2005, 08:10 PM	#8
GlasgowKiss Quaid Hates You Location: Hollywood Posts: 14,160	Ok thats 3 times iv tried to start reading that. But i still cant be arsed.

01-05-2005, 08:17 PM	#12
the Minion of Satan Location: ajksaksak. Posts: 7,794	woah, chill nigga. that's what i meant! no need to get all http://forums.netphoria.org/wwwboard/icons/icon8.gif with me

01-05-2005, 08:26 PM	#14
the Minion of Satan Location: ajksaksak. Posts: 7,794	YOU LOOK LIKE SHREK THO

01-05-2005, 09:06 PM	#16
jenn Minion of Satan Location: new york Posts: 6,325	i love you isle.

01-06-2005, 07:52 AM	#18
Isle Braindead Location: Unison Posts: 19,375	bump. all the world must know.