a joke

12-28-2002, 08:58 PM

a son goes up to his dad and says, "can i have $20?"
the dad says, "can you touch your penis to your asshole? i'l give you the $20 is you can."
the son tries and fails, therefore not getting the $20

5 years later the son asks his dad, "can i have $100?"
the dad says, "can you touch your penis to your asshole? i'll give you the $100 if you can."
the son tries and fails, thus not getting the $100

5 more years later the son asks his dad again for money, $150.
"can you touch your penis to yuor asshole? i will give you $150 if the can"
the son, once again, cannot.

5 years later the son wins the lottery and his dad approaches him, "son, can i have $1000?"
the sons asks, "can you touch your penis to your asshole?"
the dad says, "of course i can, son, i'm a man."
the son replies, "then go fuck yourself."

hahahahhahaha, okay, not funny shut up ass.

KingJeremy · 12-28-2002, 09:03 PM

I heard that one differently...

A grandpa and his 6 year old grandson are fishing....Grandpa opens a beer...Grandson asks if he can have one...Grandpa says can you touch your penis to your asshole....Grandson says no....Grandpa says well you can't have one.

Later while fishing Grandpa lights a cigarette...Grandson asks if he can have one...Grandpa says can you touch your penis to your asshole...Grandson says no....Grandpa says well you can't have one...

They come home later and Grandma has made cookies and gives them to the grandson...Grandpa sees the cookies and asks grandson if he can have one...Grandson says can you touch your penis to your asshole...Grandpa says why yes I can....Grandson says WELL GO FUCK YOURSELF THEN GRANDPA!

meow · 12-28-2002, 11:40 PM

did you get your christmas card from me?

12-28-2002, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by meow
did you get your christmas card from me?

yeah, thanks alot!
i was going to make a thread about it, but laziness and forgetfullness came into play.

wangcomputers · 12-29-2002, 12:52 AM

i get jokes

meow · 12-29-2002, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Red Wine Cage

yeah, thanks alot!
i was going to make a thread about it, but laziness and forgetfullness came into play.

Why Am I So Ugly? · 12-29-2002, 02:35 AM

Son of a Bitch Fish

A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip, he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!" the priest said.

"No, Father," replied the guide, "that's what kind of fish it is. It's a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch!" chimed the priest.

Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. "Father, that is the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen" said the guide.

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch," replied the priest.

"What should I do with it?" asked the priest. "Why eat it, of course," answered the guide. "You've never tasted anything as good as that Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a
look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" the priest said.

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary. "Father!"

"It's OK Sister," said the priest, "that's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh well, then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" asked Sister Mary.

"Why, eat it of course," answered the priest. "The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch."

The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.

"What are you doing, Sister Mary?" asked the Friar.

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the Pope's dinner," replied Sister Mary.

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" asked the Friar.

"No, no, no. It's called a Son of a Bitch fish - really!" claimed Sister Mary.

"Oh, well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!" replied the Friar. "Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was excellent.

The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the sister. The Pope sat silent in disbelief.

And the Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"

The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face, and he said, "You fuckers are alright!"

DeviousJ · 12-29-2002, 02:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Why Am I So Ugly?

That was great

meow · 12-29-2002, 02:43 AM

Affect · 12-29-2002, 03:04 AM

Any father that would say that to his son is one fucked up dad.

12-29-2002, 03:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Why Am I So Ugly?
Son of a Bitch Fish

i THINK i get it.

Why Am I So Ugly? · 12-29-2002, 04:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Red Wine Cage

i THINK i get it.

its really not that involved

Salena Child · 12-29-2002, 04:35 AM

i didn't laugh

12-29-2002, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Why Am I So Ugly?

its really not that involved

yeah, but i'm dumb.

Gwargh · 12-29-2002, 07:19 AM

It's funny because the punchline makes you feel like the joke built you up for something completely irrelevant, thus allowing you to be glad about taking a break from the standard joke formula and muse about the simple cleverness of the jest, resulting in a hearty laugh and a newfound optimistic perspective on life, you dumbshit.

12-29-2002, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gwargh
It's funny because the punchline makes you feel like the joke built you up for something completely irrelevant, thus allowing you to be glad about taking a break from the standard joke formula and muse about the simple cleverness of the jest, resulting in a hearty laugh and a newfound optimistic perspective on life, you dumbshit.

Quote:

originally posted by Red Wine Cage
yeah, but i'm dumb

Gwargh · 12-29-2002, 07:30 AM

Sorry, I'm too much of a dumbshit to read everything.

12-28-2002, 08:58 PM	#1
Red Wine Cage Posts: n/a	a joke a son goes up to his dad and says, "can i have $20?" the dad says, "can you touch your penis to your asshole? i'l give you the $20 is you can." the son tries and fails, therefore not getting the $20 5 years later the son asks his dad, "can i have $100?" the dad says, "can you touch your penis to your asshole? i'll give you the $100 if you can." the son tries and fails, thus not getting the $100 5 more years later the son asks his dad again for money, $150. "can you touch your penis to yuor asshole? i will give you $150 if the can" the son, once again, cannot. 5 years later the son wins the lottery and his dad approaches him, "son, can i have $1000?" the sons asks, "can you touch your penis to your asshole?" the dad says, "of course i can, son, i'm a man." the son replies, "then go fuck yourself." hahahahhahaha, okay, not funny shut up ass.

12-28-2002, 09:03 PM	#2
KingJeremy Apocalyptic Poster Posts: 2,880	I heard that one differently... A grandpa and his 6 year old grandson are fishing....Grandpa opens a beer...Grandson asks if he can have one...Grandpa says can you touch your penis to your asshole....Grandson says no....Grandpa says well you can't have one. Later while fishing Grandpa lights a cigarette...Grandson asks if he can have one...Grandpa says can you touch your penis to your asshole...Grandson says no....Grandpa says well you can't have one... They come home later and Grandma has made cookies and gives them to the grandson...Grandpa sees the cookies and asks grandson if he can have one...Grandson says can you touch your penis to your asshole...Grandpa says why yes I can....Grandson says WELL GO FUCK YOURSELF THEN GRANDPA!

12-28-2002, 11:40 PM	#3
meow Netflix Me Location: Human Skull! Posts: 27,712	did you get your christmas card from me?

12-29-2002, 12:52 AM	#5
wangcomputers Apocalyptic Poster Location: UK Posts: 4,058	i get jokes

12-29-2002, 02:35 AM	#7
Why Am I So Ugly? Apocalyptic Poster Location: in a bottle for 100 years Posts: 3,835	Son of a Bitch Fish A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip, he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!" the priest said. "No, Father," replied the guide, "that's what kind of fish it is. It's a Son of a Bitch fish!" "Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch!" chimed the priest. Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. "Father, that is the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen" said the guide. "Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch," replied the priest. "What should I do with it?" asked the priest. "Why eat it, of course," answered the guide. "You've never tasted anything as good as that Son of a Bitch!" Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" the priest said. Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary. "Father!" "It's OK Sister," said the priest, "that's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish!" "Oh well, then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" asked Sister Mary. "Why, eat it of course," answered the priest. "The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch." The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing, Sister Mary?" asked the Friar. "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the Pope's dinner," replied Sister Mary. "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" asked the Friar. "No, no, no. It's called a Son of a Bitch fish - really!" claimed Sister Mary. "Oh, well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!" replied the Friar. "Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch." On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was excellent. The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?" "I caught the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing. "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the sister. The Pope sat silent in disbelief. And the Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!" The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face, and he said, "You fuckers are alright!"

12-29-2002, 02:43 AM	#9
meow Netflix Me Location: Human Skull! Posts: 27,712

12-29-2002, 03:04 AM	#10
Affect Fuck Location: xxx Posts: 5,360	Any father that would say that to his son is one fucked up dad.

12-29-2002, 04:35 AM	#13
Salena Child Apocalyptic Poster Location: Ohio Posts: 2,127	i didn't laugh

12-29-2002, 07:19 AM	#15
Gwargh Pledge Location: elsewhere Posts: 51	It's funny because the punchline makes you feel like the joke built you up for something completely irrelevant, thus allowing you to be glad about taking a break from the standard joke formula and muse about the simple cleverness of the jest, resulting in a hearty laugh and a newfound optimistic perspective on life, you dumbshit.

12-29-2002, 07:30 AM	#17
Gwargh Pledge Location: elsewhere Posts: 51	Sorry, I'm too much of a dumbshit to read everything.