ATTN: Suave Guys

[meow]

YEAH SUAVE
OR SAUVE

YOU KNOW IT BABY

[sickbadthing]

OH.

this thread is so special i'll just paste this riiiiiiiight here.

So it fucking snowed, and sleeted, and freezing rained, and snowed, and froze and the general fuckery of old man winter was spooged upon the land like creamery hot man butter in the face of some silly bitch with braces volume 4.

Now, once upon a time I owned a 4 wheel drive vehicle, I learned how it worked, I learned that when 1 wheel has traction and the other does not, the wheel with traction does not spin and the free wheel does.....unless you have a "locker" or that fruity subaru all wheel drive technology.

I learned how the vehicle reacted both starting and stopping by practicing in frozen parking lots and away from people. When it did snow/ice up, I drove with a safe following distance and if time allowed I would help the less fortunate person who happened to find the ditch.

I DID NOT, get in my fucking suv and drop it in 4HI, and drive like I was in some kind of nascar tournament of champions.

So I was driving home in my Thunderbird, rearwheel drive thunderbird, and I was driving the perilous twisty hilly road of frozen death in 1, OD off, taking my time cause the road was covered in shiny beautiful white death.

BEHOLD the supreme allied frozen tundra commander and his ultra hip land behemoth suv with the shiny 4WD emblem emblazoned on no less than 16 places on this fucking thing.

OH ALSO he has all 4 of his Wal Mart SPECIAL OFF ROAD LIGHTS, JUST INCASE THE SUN FELL FROM THE SKY AND DARNESS BLANKETED THE LAND INSTANTLY, at NO LESS than 500 miles per hour.

GREAT.

So this cum gargling cock blaster maintains the safe distance of .000125000 Inches between the ass end of my car and the super shiny bolt on "BRUSH GUARD" finally he sees a somewhat straight section of road and passes me, honking loudly, and flipping me off.

FINE WHATEVER. see you in hell fuck face.

Now I would love to say that I came upon the twiasted flaming wrecage with theis fuckwit melting inside, but alas I did not. But I notice more and more that these fuckstains are flying about the open roades as if they are impervious to the laws of physics, gravity, and the OH GODDAMN THE ICE IS LIKE RED HOT RAZOR SHARP BULLETS OF DEATH PLEASE KILL ME NOW.

4 wheel drive does NOT make you special, it does not give you the right to drive like a fucking shit stain. I hope if you drive simillarly to the fuck faced shit gremlin that I encounted today, I hope your gentialia swells to gargantual proportions, explodes covereing your family with chunky yellow green ooze.

So looks like at least the next 2 days off work. Cause there is no fucking way they will even think about salting or doing anything to the perilous road of icy death which I live off of, any time soon.

Just thought I would share, discuss or do not. I am at home with plenty of beer, assorted microwaveable items, and various things containing cheese, please note there is not 15 gallons of milk and 10 loaves of bread which seems to be "essintial" in this part of the world when snow is called for. I believe you comine all of that shit and make some kind of rudimentary paste to construct doughy soggy dioramas to pass the time.

TSM -$.02

(edit) oh great my UPS is beeping which means I am expirencing "technical difficulties" with my local power consortium, I imagine some suv shitfuck has crashed into a transformer....and ITS NOT SOUNDWAVE.

goddamnit.


aw that's better.

[meow]

THANK YOU FOR FIXING MY THREAD!!!!