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Old 07-07-2017, 08:02 PM   #139
reprise85
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
 
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Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlamingGlobes View Post
I like your therapist's advice. If this is something you still think about as much as it sounds, then you definitely aren't over the hump yet.
I don't normally think about them. It's just lately, I was craving them - not even that strongly really. But when I got that opportunity, I knew I shouldn't do them, I talked to people and told them... but did it anyway. I could have called my therapist, but I didn't. I just wanted to do them and so I wasn't committed to telling on myself.

It's so dumb, I didn't even enjoy it, I wasted so much fucking money, it was risky as fuck. And now I feel bad about it of course.

I think the real issue, is I'm depressed again. Not as bad as I used to be... but worse than I have been in the past few years. I mean my therapist sees this too. And I'm afraid it'll never get better again. And I've been facing some things in therapy that are making it worse, but are necessary to talk about... and I just like, wanted to forget about it for a while. And having to cop drugs and then doing them is a great way to get your mind off anything else, lol.

I really don't think I'm in danger of getting addicted again. I would fucking jump off a building before I ever get dopesick again. But the riskiness, the danger, the complete shutting off of everything that matters in those few hours... feels good. I can't do it any other way, except sleeping. But I need to learn better ways I guess

 
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