[teh b0lly!!1]

ok douchey confessional time brace yourselves.

i am so happy right now. joy this unadulterated is rare to come by.

so like some of you may know, i've been playing pool for a while at the local bar. i've picked up a sincere love and appreciation for the beauty of the game, and just started basically practicing it everyday. which yes, also means i am beginning to develop a malignant beer gut that scares me. but anyway, i've been playing with friends and a local scene of people who show up at the bar to play, and been steadily building up. it's difficult as fuck, it's such a delicate game and it's so much beyond just hitting balls, it's so much about zen and being mindful and taming your anxiety and being fearless and precise in what you desire. there's been a lot of like "maybe i should just fucking quit this god damn fucking game" because you're so disappointed in your performance. it's all about letting go. once you tense up things start going wrong.

holy shit i digress, SO ANYWAY i've been building up my skill and lately the bar owner invited me to a tournament they're having on thursday nights - the bar team playing against other bars. i've seen them invite other foreigners as well so i didn't make much of it, figured it's just a "we want a white face" thing, which is common here. but i've seen before that they have shark dudes over there who can clear tables, like. very intimidating. naturally, my first response is like "nah, no way, i'm not good enough for that, i'll be in over my head". but i show up out of curiosity, figure i can perhaps learn something even if i get minced. i go in for the first game, COMPLETELY smoke this white-haired anglosaxon David Attenburough-looking pool shark. i made in like four difficult shots in a row, there were tons of people there, all basement-y and people were yelling and clapping, the tension was off the charts and everybody tried not to make a mistake, because if you lose you will not play again that night. but i was able to contain the pressure and stabilize and deliver on what i'd been practicing on, and it actualized in the most gratifying and glorious of ways.

i know i sound like a douche, this probably reads like billy corgan tbh, but i felt such a beautiful sense of accomplishment, honing in on this tiny niche previously wholly unfamiliar to me, and earning success, if only at least this one instance. people came up to me and congratulated me and provided encouragement, and i felt this rare instance of earning their respect. i'm not a very prominent fellow so that doesn't come by too often.

i don't delude myself into thinking i'm a top player or anything, but this has been one of those times where it seems like life is designing an experience especially for you, like a gift. to just keep going. one of those picture perfect memories.


definitely hitting up next week's tournament.
farewell and goodnight i'm smoking weed ~