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Old 07-02-2018, 04:05 PM   #2048
Disco King
Minion of Satan
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Location: Banned
Posts: 7,749

Yeah, it's a bummer, because she was essentially one of the only two friends that I ever took the risk of discussing personal/serious stuff with, and both of them eventually just ignored me.

With the other one, the last time she and I hung out, she literally said to my face something like "lol I dunno why I never respond to Disco King, I respond to [other friend we were sitting with] right away." I can understand that nobody likes to be around a downer and take on the burden of all their baggage and issues, but I had literally only disclosed some things to her once, and most of the rest of the time, we would just have casual conversations or we'd be discussing her issues instead. The girl I was talking about in my previous post, I was also judicious about what hang-ups I shared with her (it obviously wouldn't be right to complain to one of the women who had rejected me about how everybody rejects me and how lonely I am, that would just come across as manipulative and guilt-tripping, so I never mentioned that shit to her), and I definitely spent more time listening to the tough things she was going through than complaining about myself.

I think I just need to stop making my happiness dependent on how other people value me. I get too excited when things are going well with a friend. I need to just focus on myself and not expect fulfillment to come out of interpersonal connection.

Too bad I never have the energy to work on any of my personal hobbies and passions anymore and grow to resent those things more and more every day, haha. Can barely get myself to sketch or play guitar or whatever these days. So much for satisfaction and fulfillment from personal hobbies, haha.

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