My mental problems are very different from either of your issues obviously, but a big part of my "journey" has been learning to STOP relying on others 100% for everything. I still today have almost zero ability to feel validated whatsoever by myself. I don't know how to feel proud of myself or like I did a good job or am doing the right thing (there are exceptions but yeah). Without outside validation, I basically feel like a worthless loser. Probably a big part of why I have such a complex around romantic relationships and a lot of other negative patterns I have.
A big part of my downward spiral was that I felt let down by everyone in my life at once. My girlfriend who I thought I was gonna marry told me she didn't love me anymore, my parents separated and even though I was totally supportive they made it absolutely awful for me, my best friend (the hook up friend) moved to Asia with a dude, the girl I was seeing after that turned my head inside out and then left me to die (yes melodramatic but this is honestly how I feel about it). and I was just spiraling downward and downward and I was telling people I am going crazy, I want to kill myself, I hate my life.... and no one did anything. I had not one friend or family member who came to my rescue and was like omg let's get your shit together I will help you and hold your hand, let you cry on my shoulder, etc. nothing. I felt like I had basically done nothing but sacrifice myself to work to show all these people I love them, and when I was in trouble they were all just too busy with their own lives to help me.
So I dunno. Trust is hard. My instinct is to trust very quickly because I want to be close to people and I have a lot of love to give. But trusting others 100%, even family and close friends maybe isn't smart. You have to rely on yourself I guess because you never know when people will actually come through for you or let you down. I'm not angry at the people who didn't help me even though I feel like I would have done anything to help them had the situation been reversed. I'm not bitter. I am a bit hurt, but I think I've also just become kind of cold and jaded about it. People are not reliable, and I am the same. People will always let you down, and maybe part of truly loving someone is accepting that they will let you down and you are going to care about them anyway.
I'm not sure I will ever be able to trust someone romantically like that again though, not after getting fucked over so hard by 2 different people in the span of a year. I just feel like it doesn't matter how much you pour into something and how selflessly you give and how hard you love... the other person can just wake up one day and change their mind about you. So. gah. fuck.
Sorry for the essay again I don't know how much any of this relates to what you are saying bonnie. But I guess the takeaway is that I like my own therapist so much because he doesn't act like he knows what is best for me or what I need to change to be happy. I feel like he is more a life coach almost. He helps me get in touch with myself and figure out on my own what I need to change to be happy.
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