So I think I was a little slow in catching on to the dot-com boom, and I'm afraid someone registered soup.com before I could get to it. That someone, or at least the current registrant, is none other than military-industrial-entertainment complex member Lipton. Do you eat? Yeah, chances are you've eaten or drinken a Lipton product. Iced tea? It's already inside you, my man.
Have you been to soup.com? Have you seen
this shit? It's nothing but recipes you can make, incorporating Lipton's incorporated, corporate soup. They're not even good recipes. Check this out:
Classic Onion Dip. Look at it — literally it's opening a packet of dry onion soup and mixing it into a tub of sour cream. This is the job I used to get at the holidays when I was a toddler because I wasn't big enough to help cook. And I took that shit super seriously. I'd get upset if you took it away before I felt it was stirred enough. And you know what? Sometimes it wasn't stirred enough. No one fucking listened to me. Empty potty afternoons won't come back.
Maybe their other recipes are worth the visit?
No. Are you seeing this shit? You want a hamburger patty
soaked with onion soup? Fucking depraved kink shit.
I hope you can see what a massive missed opportunity soup.com is in its current bastard form. This could be a repository for all the world's many varied soups, a wikipedia of soup. A must-have resource. It could be a retail outlet to rival Amazon, just for liquid food. You need some hot mulligatawny, right fucking now? Boom, delivery via lightly armed drone in one hour or less, the soup.com guarantee. Get the goddamn Soup Nazi for a spokesperson. "SOUP FOR YOU" is his signature catchphrase. Want to know something about soup? How to make it in a thousand different variations, what its detailed cultural history is? Yo, off the top of your head, what was Pol Pot's favorite soup? You don't know? Shit, man, looks like you need to check out soup.com.
The purpose of this GoFundMe is to