Quote:
Originally Posted by redbreegull
I think we had a big conversation about this just a few months ago.
My thoughts are that it is largely contextual. The only thing I have a problem with is the idea that the man "should" pay b/c "chivalry" or "being a gentleman" or something else sexist. Generally I agree that it would be best to split the cost of a date, especially a first date, in theory. In practice, because we live in a world shaped by these intense gender norms, it is not always super easy to do that. I figure the woman I am talking to is at least moderately a feminist because she works in environmental justice and went to a public liberal arts school, but even so it was just easier for me to buy the tickets than to tell her ok I bought mine you go here and purchase yours, or to set up an account with that thing that splits the cost or whatever. Also I did want to demonstrate I was investing to take her out as a token of my interest, not just fucking around cause I'm bored.
Also this opens up the opportunity for her to do something reciprocal, in this case probably buy dinner. I can't really explain why, but I feel it's more romantic to not worry about splitting the exact cost 50/50 but to both add something different to the experience. I know it doesn't really make sense and probably no one else thinks this way, but it feels more intimate I guess thinking that I took her to a show and she bought me dinner as opposed to we each bought a ticket and each paid for our dinner and just did those things together
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i actually wholeheartedly agree with this.
i'm still learning the dubious art of dating but so far the bill is definitely a trick point. like, i definitely agree with everything everyone has said itt, but if you're going to frown upon paying for a couple of drinks you're likely to have a huge red light bulb light over your head that same moment. so i tend to just pick it up instead of giving it a moment to try and feel out if the girl is going to offer paying her share or not.
also, your post made me sort of realize i'm 32 and have been on my first 'proper' dates this week. gah.