Quote:
Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1
kind of replying late to this, but.
to be completely honest, me personally, i don't feel like there's anything "wrong" or "bad" about drinking to the extent that you're describing. but, i really respect your honest self examination and willingness to change just because deep down you're not feeling comfortable with that slight dependency, as trivial as it may seem to others around you or even yourself.
are you planning on dropping it altogether, or tone it down? do you have any activities or pastimes you plan on engaging in once you're sober and it's beer-o-clock?
either way, whatever feels like the correct path to you at this point, that's the way to go and based on everything i know about you, i'm sure you're going to stay strong doing so. not that you need my encouragement.
i dunno, for me, finding that elusive sweet spot for the frequency you truly feel comfortable and at peace with is fickle, challenging and hard, and several weeks after making that weed post i still can't say i have reached any better resolution about how i can keep using and feel comfortable and "safe" doing so. but i don't know if i'm ready, or even really want to just stop smoking altogether.
i haven't smoked nor drank since making that last post, and don't plan to until i feel like i have a solid set of soberly predetermined standards to stand by. it may sound stupid but i'm scared of falling into its allure again, and enjoy the good things about it again (of which there really are plenty), and find myself out in nowhere mentally again.
sigh. just like run2pee described, it's just hard loving and hating something so much at the same time.
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Thanks for the kind words.
I think, ultimately, my goal is to not fall into drinking just to stave off boredom. I plan on working on my writing and maybe even try to leave the apartment a little more often. So often, I fall into the trap of "eh, it's the weekend, I'm tired. I'll just have a few drinks and do nothing." Problem is, all those "nothing" days add up. I'm almost 34 and childless. I'd like to have a personality and some interesting things to talk about and not just count the clock down as pain-free and numb as possible.
Ultimately, I'd like to be able to drink when the occasion calls for it and not just have it be a part of the routine. But first, I need to break the routine.
Also, I totally get what you mean about falling into that trap again. You seem like your eyes are wide open and you've already made steady progress. Keep going, man. You can do it.