Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco King
I think part of why people want to think that attraction is totally independent of how people behave and what steps they take
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i don't believe that at all...
ok, i don't want to go into fuzzy mode, or feel like a "mansplainer" myself (it's not an appropriate reference, i know), but I will try to extrapolate on my outlook on things.
so regarding this topic, i am quite a big fan of flirting. or i have been. that is, i enjoy flirting with someone with whom i feel attraction.
of course the way a date will progress has everything to do with how you behave. but i think we disagree on the steps to take, or the importance of each one. i feel maybe you underestimate the power of something called tension? there is a slippery slope that you engage in as soon as you go into physical intimacy. it is a fragile barrier, and it is different for everyone, and it can be transgressed much too soon.
i actually strongly believe that the type of girl with whom a guy like you can form a real bond and connection, well this type of girl probably has a strong barrier herself. so it might be necessary to work at her in more subtle ways, gain her trust and confidence. enjoy some ambiguous flirting. flirting can escalate in many ways before becoming physical. i've never held the hand of a girl i wasn't feeling totally smitten with. otherwise it just feels weird, doesn't it? kissing is even more weird to me. kissing is a statement. agreed, some people take kissing lightly, but I have my own limits and i need to respect them.
yes, after some tension has built (or so i imagine), i'd like to initiate touch to see how she reacts about it. then maybe eventually take her hand. i don't need to escalate this to a kiss within the next 20 minutes. I mean, doesn't this simple act speak volumes in itself? isn't this a statement? isn't this enough to plant a seed, go to sleep with a smile and feeling good about having met someone interesting, and think about this someone (positively)? if not, i guess she's just not into you, if so, there is still some tension to work at. if you kiss too quick you kinda blow all the tension away, and then it's already time for the other one to figure out "how do i feel about the next level? wait, how well do i know this person?"
yes many girls will have a lot of trouble figuring you out. that's very unfortunate and hard to deal with. but i have a hard time believing that they will figure you out better when you give mixed signals of wanting to be bold and at the same time anxious of your every move, and then them having to think about "where do I stand about kissing some guy and then going four 4 days without talking and he's only texting me about the logistics of our eventual next date. oh, did he say he had another date with someone else this week? ok..."