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Old 06-06-2017, 06:47 PM   #14
reprise85
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Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
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When I was 19 I started smoking weed and within a few months was smoking it 24/7. I was hanging out with my friend who I knew since age 2, but hadn't seen for about 5 years when I moved away, and he was a big pothead. He started selling it and some pills. I was taking painkillers about once a week and eventually every other day was my rule, and I was semi-ok on that until I was 22. The big tipping moment for me was getting bronchitis and being scripted hydrocodone syrup, which I combined with my normal oxy dose, which was my first really "breaking" of my rules that were getting less and less restrictive where I just said fuck all the rules. I mean this was coming on for a while and I knew I was in trouble, but I remember making this choice and knowing I was dooming myself at that moment.

Cue about a year of straight addiction, stealing, losing jobs, being robbed, even a few cases of ripping people off. My PTSD for previous events was also coming on strong, and eventually I started self harming, and finally starting talking to a therapist about what happened to me and shortly after that confessed I was addicted to opiates and also went inpatient to a PTSD psych hospital program for the first time. This was 2008. I turned 23 in that hospital.

From then until about 2010 I was using off and on, eventually I went on suboxone treatment for a few months, and got off of it and I've never been physically addicted to opiates again since then.

However, until recently I hid from almost everyone that I was still doing them on and off, and honestly if I had had steady access to them I prob would have been addicted again at some point. Even now that would be a problem.

So the last time I took any opiates was actually right around a year ago at this point. I did take some benzos and whatever after that because I was stupid, they didn't even make me feel much of anything. I finally told my therapist I'd been lying about 6 months ago and I legit haven't taken any substances since then, except maybe about 5 alcoholic drinks total in that time. Which are not off limits for me, because for some reason I never have a problem with it and I don't think it's such a big deal. But I know I can't have access to any type of pills, or weed, or I'll just use them without much control.

 
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