the thing is that it has been a full-blown addiction and still might be- i don't want to think about it anymore which i why i want to quit. i ended up the hospital at 19 (this was an overdose on a greyhound bus and i had to be resuscitated and care-flighted), several times at 21, and 23, and blacked out too many times to count and my mom even found me passed out naked on thanksgiving on my bedroom floor. and i will always feel a little shitty for showing up to my bro's jp wedding on meth (i only did that shit because there was nowhere else to go but down) and looking like a freak in the photos. luckily i hate his wife and don't care so much at this point- plus, they are divorcing.
i curbed my drinking a lot on my own since then because i've actually found a focus and purpose. but i'm just ready to be rid of it for good.
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