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Old 08-10-2019, 01:00 PM   #4622
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Location: I'm surprised you guys are so big on rap, considering it's the most masochistic music of any genre.
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Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
geez reprise I'm sorry you dream those dreams. I think when abuse happens in your formative years and your brain is wiring itself up for life, you basically wire in abuse-related beliefs and behaviours for life and then spend life managing them. but you got it so much worse than anyone I know. So sorry

I'm glad you get to wake up and have the life you have slowly built for yourself fully restored. I hope that feels like an amazing relief...
Thanks, yeah, life is so much better now. I'm actually getting to some deeper work after all this time. I've been with my therapist since 2011 and we're just now really getting there, lol. But I'm trying really hard.

Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
the worst dream I ever had was soon after my involuntary hospitalisation. I had a lot of bad dreams in that period because of the strong feelings about being physically overpowered and detained against my will.

But the worst one was so bad I lay in a cold sweat before finally plucking up the courage to turn the light on and go outside for a cigarette. I ended up going to talk to a chaplain about it because there was such a feeling of evil in my dream I was scared that the devil had been in it and visited in person (which sounds ridiculous to me now...but at that stage I was still very psychotic)
I'm sorry to hear that. I think I was overpowered before my one involuntary hospitalization (I had lots of voluntary), but I don't remember it. They definitely drugged me and I woke up in a concrete room wearing a hospital gown having no idea where I was. It was some kind of holding tank, there were a few other rooms with other patients and a nursing station in the middle. They wouldn't give me my medicine (non-narcotic psych meds) and it was a good thing I knew my mom's phone number because they would only let me use this one phone to call somebody. Then I got transferred to another hospital and no one came to visit me so I wore one pair of clothes for like 5 days. Fun times.

I had a dream once where I spoke to "the devil" and it told me that I was pure evil and his pawn. This is when I was living with my ex or whatever you want to call him. It was like a 5 minute exhaustion dream because he'd keep me up for a long time and he'd get so pissed off at me if I fell asleep. So I tried not to fall asleep but it still happened.

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