Netphoria Message Board

How is everyone?

I am in Tempe, Arizona. Relaxing in a hotel watching Halloween, The Curse of Michael Meyers. I love movies about the fall.

Check this out, Priscilla Presley came to a show of mine. That's right, Lisa Marie's Mom! She was with some friends (family, perhaps) and they all said hello after the show. She had two young, long-haired dudes in tow. I think they knew of me and dragged Mrs. Elvis along to witness one hell of a mediocre performance in Ontario, CA. Had I known they were in the audience I would have immediately stopped telling shitty jokes.

Sunset in the desert, pure magic. Purple haze, burnt orange shades, freaky little lizards. Congratulations to the one that went on to sell auto insurance.

I guess Mr. Ryan Adams doesn't want to fuel up the buses and tour together. Maybe we'll cross paths late at night at an AM/PM, filling up a 20oz. cup with pre-blended vanilla cappucino. Rock on, Ryan, I still love you.

Thanks to all of y'all who went out and purchased my latest disc, Mitch All Together. I know it' hard to find the comedy section in a cd store and to hope it's alphabetically sound is fruitless. If you need help, ask dudes.

So many people are coming out to the clubs. I'd like to thank everyone on you. Honestly, you keep me working. I love to stand in front of you, bark out jokes and stare at the stage. I'll go anywhere as long as the city allows ex-cons to talk into microphones.

There is a joke in that last paragraph. Hope you know that.

Michael Meyers just killed somebody. And now he's standing behind a man.

Thank you, Justin from Zebrahead, you actually sat through 3 shows. You've got endurance, bitch.

If anybody reading this knows somebody who can pull strings at HBO, tell them I'd love a one hour special. If you don't want to tell them that, say "DEADWOOD" is like "OZ" as a western.

Everybody have a glass of fresh squeezed O.J. and let's toast to the summer.

Time to turn up some Tesla.

From me, Mitch Hedberg

If this message, in it's attempts to be funny, isn't, I apologize.

P.S. Mike Meyers knows of the best short cuts.

8/6-8 - Improv, Miami, FL
8/13-15 - Improv, Tampa, FL
8/19-22 - Improv, Irvine, CA
8/26-29 - Stardome, Hoover, AL
9/2 - Middle Tennessee State University, Murfreesboro, TN
9/4 - Johnson & Wales University, Providence, RI
9/17-19 - Improv, Homestead, PA
9/20 - Ferst Theater, Atlanta, GA
10/13 - Cornell University, Ithaca, NY
11/11 - Lied Center, Lincoln, NE