Suggestions to God for the New Year.
 

taken from Esquire magazine.

01. The Flaming Lips play at every wedding.
02. Every employee at Home Depot knows where the two-inch nails are or their checks don't clear.
03. More colors for pandas, less colors for peacocks.
04. Anyone who uses the word absotively dies within a year.
05. Elevators can go sideways.
06. The only time we ever see a man's feet is during Flinstones reruns.
07. Our penises are also felt-tip pens.
08. Oil and water not only mix, they're best friends.
09. Old batteries are edible...and delicious!
10. Bowel movements smell like lavendar.
11. The second line in a haiku has eight syllables.
12. No more humming.
13. No more of this appendix-bursting bullshit.
14. It takes only one to tango.
15. If people are talking too loud and you stare at them, they burst into flames.
16. Pinatas yell, "Ow!" when they're hit.
17. All foods, not just cereal, have prizes inside.
18. You can put your nipples wherever you want on your body.
19. Drinking too much makes you feel peppy and energetic the next day.
20. A-list actresses have to have sex with anybody who can name all the Radiohead albums.

Re: Suggestions to God for the New Year.
 

why??

That was a stupid list.

so you can sign your work?

YES! I WILL FINALLY GET TO FUCK MERYL STREEP!!! YES!!!

9 was the one i'd vote for

20 too, i missed that one first time around

I didn't know you were an actress

Re: Suggestions to God for the New Year.
 

:rofl: