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post favorite jokes.
especially offensive and distasteful ones... GO!
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How do you spot Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?
He's the one with the sesame seed BUNS!!! aahahahahahah!!! ....man I love corny jokes. Love them. |
Okay...
This guy and his buddy are out hunting in the woods, miles from civilization. They're walking along and all of a sudden the guy's buddy collapses. The guy panics, checks his buddy's pulse and breathing and there's nothing, and freaks out. He fumbles with his cell phone and dials 911. The operater comes on and says, "911, what is your emergency?"
She hears the guy go, "My buddy, uh, we were just out hunting and, uh, oh, Jesus God, I think he's dead! My buddy's dead! What do I do?!" She says, "Alright, sir, remain calm. Now the first thing we have to do is make sure he's dead, alright?" There's a minute of silence from the other end, then a loud BANG! Then the guy comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?" [/teh funneh] |
Re: Okay...
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HEARD. |
Also, here's a couple oldies but goodies:
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? One goes, "Hey, you! Get offa my cloud!" The other goes, "Hey, McLeod! Get offa my ewe!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Jewish man and a Chinese man are sitting at a bar. They've been drinking solidly in silence for about an hour when the Jewish guy gets up, walks over to the Chinese guy, and punches him square in the face. The Chinese guy gets up off the floor and yells, "What the fuck was that for?" The Jewish guy says, "That was for Pearl Harbor, you bastard!" The Chinese guy says, "That was the Japanese, I'm Chinese!" "Ah," says the Jewish guy, "Japanese, Chinese, what's the difference? But hey, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have slugged you. Lemme buy you a drink." So he does and they drink some more and after a while the Chinese guy gets up and walks over to the Jewish guy and punches HIM in the face. The Jewish guy gets up and yells, "And what the hell was that about, huh?" The Chinese guy says, "That was for the Titanic, you piece of shit!" The Jewish guy can't believe it. He says, "The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, you dolt!" "Ah," says the Chinese guy, "iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?" Unabashed ethnic humor is charming, no? |
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so there's a foreman working a construction site and he has one chinese worker. the chinese guy manages to screw up every task assigned to him, so the foreman tells him to stand in the middle of the site next to a supply pile. he tells him: "you stay here. if anyone comes by, give them supplies." the foreman goes to lunch and when he comes back no one has any supplies and all the workers look pissed off, the chinese guy is nowhere to be seen. he asks what's wrong and the workers nod toward the middle of the site. the foreman walks up to the supply pile and the chinese guy jumps out and yells: "SUPPLIES!!!" |
I think the best ethnic racial joke is to rip off about two or three Jewish jokes (eg, what's the difference between a Jew and a pizza - the pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven) and then follow the jokes up with this:
No man, ya know I really shouldn't be telling Jew jokes. Yeah. I mean I had an uncle who died in the Holocaust. Motherfucker got drunk as shit and fell off the guard table. Sadly, I really have great uncles and aunts who died in the Holocaust so I've never told that joke (yeah right) but I find it amusing when people do. Cuz I'm self-hating and all. |
Guard tower damnit. Not table.
"I'm so stupid!" |
:noway: I just don't understand you people. Forget I said anything.
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A man was walking by a church one Sunday and saw a cute little girl sitting on the footpath. She was dressed up nicely and playing with her fluffy puppy.
“What’s your name?” the man asked. “Candy,” replied the little girl. “They call me that because I like candy so much. And this is my dog, Porky.” “Do they call him that because he likes pork?” asked the man. “No,” said the girl. “They call him Porky because he likes to fuck pigs up the arse.” |
Q: WHAT DO DAVID BECKHAM AND A DIAMOND RING HAVE IN COMMON? A: THEY BOTH COME IN A POSH BOX. :D |
Two guys were talking in the pub. One of them said, “If you were to wake up in the woods with lubricant smeared all over your ass, would you tell anyone?”
“Of course not!” replied the other. “Oh,” the first bloke said, “then would you like to go camping?” |
whats red and crawls up your leg?
a homesick abortion how do you make a five year old girl cry twice? rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear whats the worst part of fucking bald pussy? taking the diaper off how many dead babies can you fit in a VW? thirty-nine and one-half how do you get 100 dead babies into a telephone booth? blender ...how do you get them out? straw |
Re: Okay...
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Q: Why did hitler kill himself?
A: He got his gas bill. |
Q : what do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A : slap the bitch! |
Q: Why is tylenol white and not black?
A: It works. |
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I'm lame and don't know any good jokes. Except one about this nun telling these guys to go to hell... but my mother sent me that because she thought it was cute... I don't think it'd quite fit in with these jokes. :) |
Do you accept yo' mama jokes?
Cuz if you do..then.. Yo' mama's so fat..but I fucked her anyway.. |
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