Not sure you wanna find out how deep the rabbit hole goes on that one

After reading ad after ad on Craigslist about individuals seeking to find a relationship offering meaning, contentment, or an opportunity to be spanked by a dominant transgender nun, I have decided that all I really want right now is a pretend relationship.

The benefits of a pretend relationship lie in being able to communicate via text or email with another individual only about things that are not actually occurring in one's life. It's the incredible chance to be completely dishonest with another individual who wants nothing more than a beautiful pretend connection with another soul.

We needn't share real names, or accurate personal data. I will never ask you to call me, meet me, or send me your bank account routing number to help a deposed Nigerian dictator who will pay you back in millions. I just want to have a deep, intense relationship that has no actual roots in reality.

To be my pretend girlfriend, you must be exceedingly intelligent, articulate, and edgy. Your sense of humor must be phenomenal -- I would never pretend date someone who was not incredibly funny. You should be quite beautiful with striking features, (though I will never really know if it's true). It's essential that your mastery of English includes proper spelling. I will pretend break-up with you in a heartbeat if you make lots of typos. That's a major turn off...

I am (in truth, just this once) a really bright, very good looking health-care professional, who is probably running a bit hypomanic in recent weeks. I am coming off of a very painful pretend-break up, so I might be pretend rebounding right now.

Potential pretend girlfriends please note: When responding for this position please attach a picture of yourself and ******* one or two sentences as to why you think this job would be a good fit for you. You also need to know that I will not respond to any replies that ******* photos of your penis. (I don't expect any such replies, but it seems like that's what everyone writes at the end of their ads...)

Happy Monday evening from my call room at an undisclosed hospital!

hey how did you find my ads

Guys.

My 10 year reunion is in September. Ex will probably be there with new girlfriend. Should I go to this.

There are tickets involved. 40 a pop. I don't think this is a good idea.

reunions are just a terrible idea all around.

if there was anyone from high school you wanted to keep up with you probably would

i'm not even sure my high school has one but then again it would also be completely plausible that they'd deliberately not invite me

I didn't want to go before the breakup, but probably would have gone just to see a few people I don't normally see, but were in good standing with in high school. Part of me feels like I should just to show I'm not letting him affect me (though he does). It's a pride thing, I guess. However I get the feeling though I will be dateless and sitting in a corner avoiding the whole time. So, pretty pointless.

tickets for a reunion? wow. who's organising this?

and how many people are invited? 20? 100? 1,000? is it the whole year, or how does it work?

The class president is organizing it. It's just the people in the same year as me. I don't really know how many people were in my class...couple hundred? I think they are only organizing and inviting through Facebook and word of mouth. They're doing it at a piano bar downtown. Dinner and entertainment is what the tickets apparently pay for. It's not how reunions are always done, especially in small towns, but it happens.

I don't celebrate my birthday if I don't have to. For my 20th I got drunk with my parents and cried. For my last one (23th) Avram's parents got me an ice cream cake, which was nice

i would love to go to this as your date/fake boyfriend. we could make up fancy stories for both of us and fuck with people how best you see fit. how far away do you live?

holy fuck. i'm pretty sure i remember you being twelve.

I was 15 when I started posting back in 2006.

maybe i just remember knowing that at one point in your life you were 12. i still know this.

It was the blurst of times

It was the blest of times

you stupid monkey

MOONEY. seriously if I could have a fake date, that would be awesome. I live in Asheville which is probably very far from you.

Also, since when is it ok/good for anyone over the age of 21 to give promise rings? I hate the idea of promise rings. I mean, just wait till you want to propose.

asheville sounds nice but i bet it'll get bulldozed by assholes soon enough

is that where billy went?

I got to spend my 20th birthday in California, It was cool, I surfed.
On my 21st birthday my band put on a house show for a bunch of people.
And on my 22nd birthday I fucking had shingles...GODDAMN SHINGLES!!! It sucked. It hurt really bad but I got to stay home from work for a while and do this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgtO...KdUd6U&index=2
I'll be 23 next Saturday.