When I lost my mind, I knew I was in for the long ride
 

Might just be my favorite SP lyric ever.

Do you guys remember a first vital moment when you realized that you had a disorder or some foreshadowing event that illustrates a turning point when you started to go down hill? For me it was probably when I was 10 years old, I saw some messed up movie and I started getting mad OCD... It was terrible and it was all downhill from there until I was old enough to seek help... I think it crept up gradually though due to being a child observing parents who were abusive who were in an abusive relationship themselves... And though its an up hill battle, life is still a struggle to a certain extent... But much more manageable now that I have some perspective.

When did you guys all start to lose your minds? Or have vital moment's that you think back to that illustrated an important foreshadowing moment in your existence?

When my parents would be abusive, I'd go into my room until it was late and they went to sleep and then I'd sit outside their bedroom and cry for hours. The never tried to console me or even see what I was doing in my room after I got upset. I remember just wanting them to check on me and see if I was OK so I knew they cared.

In middle school, a student I knew offered to give me a ride home. When I got in his mom's car his mom asked me if I was okay, I seemed very depressed, and it was troublesome to see an 11 year old acting like I was. I said everything was fine and I'm not sure what happened after that.

When I was in an alternate school thing in the summer of 8th grade the counselors noticed I slept in street clothes and that raised a red flag and they kept asking me about it. They called it "ready to run". But I don't think they ever figured out exactly what was happening.

Oh when I was in preschool we had a snack table where two kids at a time could go and eat a snack, and I'd just stare out the window and trance out, I remember several times the teacher having to snap me out of it and them talking to my parents about it. It was a Montessori preschool so the kids were pretty free to do things as they wanted.

I remember being fifteen and noticing a single tiny curly black hair protruding from the bottom of my chin. I knew then and there that I would forever after have to shoulder the burden of cultivating, maintaining, and keeping small children and housefires away from the mightiest facial forest known to wogkind.

what is wrong with that guy's sack btw

I appreciate you sharing your tales of your life. It's amazing what kinds of troubles that us youngsters would be going through and our unconscious or rationalized cries for help that the adults we trusted just wouldn't notice or ignore. I guess mental health was so stigmatized back just 15-20 years ago... It seems theres more awareness of that kind of thing nowadays... But then again- Maybe not.

I was tripping on LSD for the first time. I was 19. We started watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and you know the beginning where the candy store clerk is singing and giving children candy? My brain totally saw it as him being a pedophile and trying to charm the kids and I had a bunch of suppressed memories flood me. They weren't really repressed - I never completely forgot about them - but I was good at doublethinking my way out of thinking about them. Not as easy on LSD.

I was in therapy by the time I was 13. My sister was deemed actually sick and I was basically deemed a troublemaker with mild depression. They basically just told me I was a bad person and diagnosed me with Oppositional Defiant Disorder which is like pre-personality disorder since you're not old enough to be diagnosed with one. It really destroyed me and definitely was a big part of why I was so eager and left home the month after I turned 15. Amongst other reasons.

Yes I can see many times that things could have gotten caught.

Like I convinced my parents I wanted to be on birth control when I was 14, and I went to planned parenthood but I told them I'd never had sex so they skipped doing a pap smear. If they would have done it anyway, they would have known something was up.

My therapist knew I was leaving home at 15 with a 20 year old man and told my mom I was just being defiant and that I'd come back. She was legally obligated to tell the police. And just so many adults knew about this that it's hard to understand how no one did anything.

I think I was so confused growing up that I didn't really know what was going on and I think people mistook it as awkwardness from being intelligent. As long as you're doing well in school and playing sports no one tends to label you as a troubled child.

hey, dont ride my coattails.

I remember kissing a boy I didn't like, for the first time. Because I felt bad about myself and he came onto me. And making out with him all night because it was nice to be wanted. And then having to deal with the fact that I was embarrassed, the morning after, because it had happened. And having to think up a reason for not wanting to be his girlfriend. I remember feeling dirty and gross and like a door had been opened and my standards had been lowered and there was no going back.

night*

In the past I would have been all up in this thread and now the last thing I want to talk about is my emotions and heartache. Maybe I've lost my mind.

It was my third LSD trip, I just realized I am "a little" insane for "normal" people's standards

Well I think almost everyone is messed up to some extent. I believe being an adult is learning how to deal with it and learning how to be productive despite your issues...

But as an adult its definitely easy to look back and see where it "snowballed"

It's still terribly easy to fuck and up and not even realize it at as an adult too though. When I was about 19 to 22 I was smoking pot every single day and doing MDMA and ecstasy fairly regularly... And then I started to get tremendously paranoid and delusional. It would be one thing after the other. Once I quit smoking pot all the time it slowly went away... I had always heard that pot and drugs caused paranoia but I was too stupid to put 2 and 2 together.

Man if I could go back and do everything differently, I would haha.

The way I've learned to deal with it is by not acknowledging it at all. I'm not sure if it's healthy but I am pretty sure it's the only way I know how to deal with it. The though of even thinking about when it "snowballed" or talking about it makes me want to vomit.

I do often think about this though. Things could have been so different if I just hadn't been so adamant on living in the moment.

on my 4th (and last) trip I was holed up in some apartment in nowhere Iowa. my first 3 trips were all concert related, so, this one was the doozy. plus, strong as fuck acid. several bad trips were had amongst friends that weekend.



We tripped out on this poster and saw things never seen before on it and now can't not see them anytime I look at it.





http://blowthescene.com/files/2010/0...r-Pressure.jpg

transcendental aka you were really tripping in your minds then

that time that you did the acid and looked at the poster

oh man that was the night how did u know

i think i'm way way crazier than all of you for not knowing what you're talking about with this stuff about "the one moment you knew" and being absolutely fucking crazy

born crazy born punk live free die young

i never thought i was crazy till I went into therapy and started on prozac. now i'm pretty sure I'm fucking crazy

Being self aware is half the battle. Best of luck to you man