Should I send a fb msg to my unknown half brother?
 

So your half brother's mother is from a wife prior to his relationship with your mother? And he and his second wife have no children?

You are so calm about it. I really respect that. My initial response is that your father is a butthole and you should cut your losses. But that's presumptuous and immature.

Is FB the only option? When I found an unknown relative online, I ended up looking for a registered phone number.

Anyway - WHY NOT?

make him post here

Is that a troll post? Some people managed to grow up a little, ya know.

I can't stand most of the relatives I know about... I wouldn't want to know the one's I don't!!

as an only child i'd kill to meet a sibling if i found out one was floating around somewhere. i'd have a 'what do i have to lose' attitude about contacting them. if they take it in a bad way, whatever

No I'm serious. I do think she should contact her brother and hopefully her father has changed his mind. But he definitely doesn't deserve her interest if she doesn't have any.

Doesn't deserve her interest, huh? It's not about what he "deserves". Could you try to get out of your i-adore-my-daddy-so-much little corner and try to put yourself into the shoes of someone who never met her father?

Whatever, this is another one of those discussions where I"m likely to call you self-centered (amongst other things) down the line, vixey, so I'll drop out here.

Plus what her father "deserves" (why is it that people with a Christian background love this word so much...) in your or my opinion has very little to do with contacting her brother.

I say go for it as long as you are willing to let the past go. Who cares about the torn pic and anything else. If your intentions are to meet your dad and brother, and get to know them, anything else doesn't matter.

I shouldn't have included the " ' " in "ones". Grammar nazis take my soul!

If I were in this situation, I would contact the brother and see where it goes from there. It's a scary thing to put yourself out there this way, but the only way to know is to give it a shot.

Go for it, the worst that could happen is that you'll have exactly as many brothers and fathers as you do now. Maybe the brother isn't even aware of your existence and would actually like to get to know you?

I didn't mean to discourage you from getting in touch with your brother. I asked all the questions about him because I wasn't sure if he was raised by your father or not. If he wasn't, that's far less complicated. If he was, I guess I just wanted you to protect yourself first and foremost, because I have watched my sister in law hope and hope and hope for a relationship with her father, that her father never wanted. And it has broken her heart over and over again. So just be careful was what I wanted to say. If your half brother has had a lot of contact with your father, the apple might not have fallen far from the tree.

I don't have a Christian background, btw. My parents are Atheists and never took me to church, and they both disapprove of me going with my kids. I'm the only church going person in my family. And deserve is a problematic word, I know that. I think this is a case of things being lost in translation. I don't mean everything I say to be a knock down argument. My opinion is just that, it's mine, and she can take it or leave it. My first response is that it is a situation when she might get hurt and I like her so I just want her to be careful.

Heck yeah, I'd do it. My half brother and sister are pretty rad, and we can relate to how shitty our dad is. But in the end people are just people sort of floating in and out of existence. Who knows, it might be healthy to resolve the missing dad problem whether or not lost time can be made up. My friend Jamal just met his dad for the first time and he's 33, with his own family and I gotta say that he's a hell of a lot less angry now, tho he was particularly anxious about meeting him. He kept telling me he wanted to punch him in the face, going so far as to bring his half brother with him to keep him back, but none of that happened and like I was saying, he seems a bit more peaceful now.

And with a nod to kreator check out that run on sentence! My word!

This was my gut response as well, but that says more about my family situation than this situation.

I don't know how it will turn out, but you will definitely regret not trying.

Good luck if you decide to do it!

I have an estranged half brother he sucks beyond belief. Ignore.

i wish i had a sister.

Is that him on the left?

looks more like slunken to me

maybe he's mad because his brother won't give him any money

i also have never met/seen/talked to my biological father, and am fairly certain i have half-siblings out there somewhere. as an only child to my mother, the thought of having a sibling or two does make me curious to contact them, and far more so than contacting an absent father- the kids may not even know i exist and very likely have nothing to do with why my father chooses to ignore my existence. it is for that reason i have searched for my father online, but as is the case with a lot of older people, i imagine, there isn't a lot of concrete information to be had, especially as it relates to any children he may have and what their names are.

but if there would come a day where i could contact a sibling, i think i would do it. i think you are lucky to be able to contact the sibling directly, and based on your post i think you're just looking for a nudge. so just do it. at worst the sibling will ignore you, and nothing will change. at best you'll get to know family you've never seen.

sending back the easter picture in pieces is awful, though. i am sorry that happened.

all of your fathers remind me of my father.

yeah go for it

What a/ said

honestly that reads like spam