what does that even mean

i used to say nigga or god damn all the time, now i've replaced with "i need to kill myself." a bit wordy, but saying it enough times adds another penny to the "if i had another penny everytime" fund.

great way of saving money imo.

I don't want to kill myself ever but lately I do want to be dead. I'm sick of being miserable, these anorexic thoughts never leave me alone. I don't know where my confidence in taking control went.

sorry im posting here im just fucking miserable over this

You won't find your confidence here. I struggled with anorexia for years. The funny thing is, right now I am trying to gain weight since I dropped about 15 pounds from not drinking. You can wallow and do the drugs you do or you can seek help.

i'm glad your life experience has shown you that the best course of action is to berate her

child.

I feel like you need a therapist and some antidepressants...are they options for you? My therapist says the heart feeds itself first. Even through the self hate, you're trying to love yourself. Before you regain the confidence to take control, you have to remember that you are a cool, funny, attractive person under all that insecurity and you deserve to be treated well.

Do you have daddy issues?

I'm encroaching on your territory reprise :P. In my desperate attempt to matter to this board

suckssssss

lol no

basically i need to man up and deal with the pain as that is the only way to fucking have the body i want

Are you sure? Because I was told most women in their twenties have daddy issues.
Vixnix, let's start online therapy. We will be doing great.

yes, i often feel like i should kill myself every time the college football thread is bumped

drugs work really really well until they just stop all of a sudden and it's like what the fuck now

at least that's how it went for me

"what the fuck now" was cutting/burning etc to try and keep numbing but that never works for any amount of time

ilp, i don't understand anorexia on a lot of levels, but i do think you can overcome it... and i don't know how to say this, the fact that you're even thinking like this is showing you are making progress, it's not like one day you go 'ok! time to quit drugs!' it's a process

at least it was for me

i mean isnt a lot of anorexia a control thing in the first place?

doesn't that prove you have the capability - indeed you use it often - but it just needs redirection?

I just want the vicious and compulsive thoughts to stop and they won't, no matter what my behavior or body is like. I wish I had a script to Roxy, they're pretty much the only thing that mellows me out at the moment.

roxycodone aka 15mg or 30mg oxycodone?

those were my drug of choice

the Mbox 30s are best ;)

maybe you should go find a man

Yes! Where do we sign up.

The philosophers are: IN.

be fucking careful, you're dancing with fire

i used to be able to get them for 5 bucks a pop... and by the end when they were cracking down on pain clinics they were 20

i also smoked them, dont do that

They never stop. It's a choice to think about something else and it takes discipline and practice. Which obviously is enough to stop anyone who lacks the desire to change. What are you getting out of those thoughts? What are the negative consequences for you, of being so occupied by them? What do you stand to gain in the next few days, weeks, months, if you slowly shift your thinking so that you are able to focus on other things. What things do you do for pleasure, aside from drugs?

This thread makes me want to kill myself.

Yeah they're like 20-30 a piece here, but I have a friend so they're cheaper for me. I have never smoked a pill actually. I shoot these guys anyway, probably can't get much worse than that. :dammit:

I don't think I've ever experienced a true physical withdrawal but I definitely dislike it when the buzz is gone

do you realize that you're basically past the threshold and you are going to have a problem/do have a problem with those pills?

when you do feel withdrawal it'll be too late to stop "easily". it might take a month or so of close to every day use but that's not very hard to do

what happened to just doing the fun drugs like you were? you're not doing "fun" soft drugs anymore. this is akin to heroin, especially shooting it

the fuck is wrong with you people

I think I've always done every drug, I mean the second thing I tried was meth. I don't use anything every day though, aside from pot.

ilp you need serious help before this gets any worse. and it will get worse.

She needs a life :(

Nobody stops if they've got nothing to stop for, no hopes or ambitions or concerned boyfriends who are going to leave them,etc. Families who will cut financial assistance.