Marrying someone in prison
 

So, my old college friend called on Christmas day and she informed me that she was getting married in a month. After I congratulated her and asked her where it would take place... she said in a prison somewhere near Santa Barbara. (not sure which one)

Apparently, she's been pen paling with black incarcerated men for a few years, and has finally met the right one. (She only dates black men).

Anyway... I was like..... OK so when does the guy get out of prison? And she said that he wouldn't.... that he is a lifer, without parole.

I nearly shit a brick right there.....

I don't understand this... why would a woman marry into this situation. She told me she won't get conjugal visits.

So basically her life with this man is going to be... every other weekend drives to the prison to visit her husband, and phone calls. That's it.

No sex, no dinners together...living together, traveling, etc.

Oh and she wouldn't tell me why he is a lifer... except that he was incarcerated at the age of 17, so now I have to wonder exactly what he did in order to get this sentence. I can only imagine.

murder, more than likely

probably a multiple homicide and gang/drug distribution/cartel connections

some girls get all the luck. I wonder if I'll EVER find a nice black incarcerated homicidal man :(. Please ask your friend if he has a brother also in jail.

that's not healthy. how old is your friend? she's going to give up ever having a real relationship with a "normal" person. that's fucked up.

once you go black... ?

del

they have trailers for that for married folk

believe it or not

i'm sorry to be so blunt, but this is pretty fucking weird on multiple levels

it is weird. People who pursue relationships with lifers must be trying to shut themselves off emotionally/physically from life. there's no way it's healthy.

think about it. they establish an exclusive, monogamous relationship (pledging for the the rest of their lives if they marry) with someone who can never hit them, abuse them, hurt them by cheating on them with another woman, etc. etc. but that person also can't share anything with them. maybe an occasional conjugal, phone call or letter, but that's about it. That's not a real relationship.

Her parents must be proud

Conjugal trailer!

girl needs some help.

i can understand the wanting a "safe" guy - in this case an unsafe guy behind bars

i dated a guy recently who i realized was a nice guy and a felt good with him but i was dating him because he was nice and not because i really liked him.

i think trauma survivors fall into this a lot. like scotty said, he can't abuse her (physically that is, I bet the emotional relationship will be abusive), and that probably is consciously or unconsciously motivating her to do this

i mean especially cause she's written to several men

it's her life and all but i hope you can have a convo with her about your concerns.

see everyone, even a chick like reprise85 will dump the nice guy who treats her with kindness

well, we went out on like three dates and there wasn't attraction and there was plenty of "uh" things like him being a christian and thinking drugs are bad no matter what because they are illegal and plenty of other shit. we had nothing to talk about basically.

and fuck you for "even a chick like reprise85"

(edit: i might have taken that a way you didn't mean it so if i did disregard the fuck you)

Agreed with scotty, maybe she's just trying to make an excuse to stop dating and cut herself off from others.

show me a "nice guy" who continuously gets dumped/ignored by women and I'll show you a guy who's kidding himself about some other serious shit that's wrong with him.

why would you think that he meant it any other way?

I'm sure Nimrod thinks of himself as a scorned "nice guy" :rolleyes:

maybe he's a catch.

Escape plan obviously

who wouldn't want to 69 a ron paul supporter?

right? i dont get what all this fuss is about. he's a keeper.

this is a common complaint faced by a lot of "nice guys" on this very messageboard

no, i am not a "nice guy"

yeah but i didn't stop seeing him because he is a "nice guy"

"nice guy"

he gets it. he's just intentionally refusing to respond to you honestly because of his issues.