don't you hate it when you feel like you have an absolutely massive turd that's sitti
 

ng in your colon but when you go to poop all that comes out is little soft shit ribbons and you still feel like that monster turd is only growing larger in your colon and when it comes out it will split you in half perhaps

yep

i knew i could count on you toby

I have faith that it'll eventually turn into the ol' prairie dog scenario at an inopportune moment.

ME: Hey, how are you? I'm really glad you decided on this second date. Getting coffee and going to the park seemed like such a great idea and now I know that truly is!
SECOND DATE LADY: Me too! I didn't know if I was going to be able to make it with my hectic schedule, but I agree! This is just great :)
ME: :)
*PRAIRIE DOG*
SECOND DATE LADY: What's wrong?
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/68...rairie_Dog.jpg

^ truth

its even worse if when you do get it out, it dismembers halfway through.
then you're indefinitely stuck with half a turd up your ass

Never underestimate the healing power of a good shit

im going to have sex, how do i get this buildup of shit out of me

drink some milk
laxatives
etc

Milk makes you more constipated, unless you're lactose intolerant. Drink coffee.

i'm going to have surgery

i did not realize this

also smoking a cig can help. any stimulant

no kidding

Anal sex helps too.

Try eating fruit

cranberry juice. nantucket nectars makes a delicious one
http://blog.bombevi.com/wp-content/u...41-225x300.jpg

this isn't an advice thread

and i thought cranberries were for pissing

i mean you guys are telling a 30 year old man that smoking and fruit will help me shit. well no fucking kidding guys wow.

next thing you're going to tell me i should eat a salad with plenty of greens

thanks watchdogs

don't forget anal sex

i know i never do



*wink*

thread is gross

i think every thread is

you know i remembered that taco bell is a really, really good laxative

That new steak thing is actually p good

...at inducing a bowel movement

i just can't eat nothing but steak and cheese i feel like i'm trying to commit suicide

what's more frustrating for me is having to exert an extreme amount of effort to squeeze out some unsatisfying pellets and leaving the bathroom still feeling like i have to shit but not having any strength or time left to devote to shitting.

phew

even reading that sentence made me frustrated

was it confusing? or are you simply sympathizing

whoops, wrong tense on a verb in there. fixed it.